2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
When it comes to the relationship between a man and a woman, almost everyone has their own opinion on this matter, especially about how different we are. However, the results of a recent study have the potential to break this stereotype. When it comes to relationships, men and women are much more similar than we used to think.
Here are six of the most common myths about relationships - or, if you please, about how men and women feel about relationships.
Women are more romantic than men
With the sheer number of books and romantic comedies targeting female audiences, this stereotype is hard to refute. In fact, deep down, men are more romantics than women. The romance test, widely used by psychologists, offers sayings like “I’ll only really love once” and “If I love a person, I will do anything to keep our relationship alive,” and men are more likely to agree with them than women. In addition, men are more likely to believe in "love at first sight".
A woman's appearance is more important than a man's appearance
There is some truth in this stereotype: many studies indicate a greater predisposition for men to evaluate the opposite sex in appearance, in contrast to women. However, psychologists are increasingly convinced that appearance is important for both men and women, although the former put it a little higher on the scale of importance. So, in one of the studies, men put their appearance in fourth place, women - in sixth. Please note - neither one nor the other does not give it the first place.
However, these data indicate gender preferences in theory. What happens in practice? To answer this question, a classic study of interpersonal relations is often carried out, in which students are invited to participate in the so-called. speed dating - fast dating. Before dating, they are asked to indicate which parameters will determine their choice, and here everything is predictable: for girls, appearance is less important than for guys. However, after dating, researchers invariably find out that both guys and girls make their choice based on the appearance of the interlocutors.
It turns out that the appearance of a partner is important for both men and women, and in theoretical surveys men rate it higher than the fair sex, and in practice, both of them attach equally great importance to it.
Sex without obligation is a man's privilege
Early research in this area supported this stereotype. In general, men are indeed more open to casual relationships, but women's interest in sex without commitment was clearly underestimated. There are two reasons for this:
- public opinion does not allow women to openly admit such things. Research on the number of sexual partners is not entirely accurate: men often exaggerate this number, women, on the contrary, underestimate it. Because of this, the opinion was formed that a man a priori has more sexual partners. In one such study, scientists used a pseudo-lie detector. It turned out that the participants without a detector responded as public opinion demands of them: men indicated more partners than women. The same participants who were told about the detector responded differently: women indicated slightly more sex partners than men;
- for a woman to agree to sex without obligation, many circumstances are needed. It's not that the ladies are not interested in this - they are more picky. Psychologist Conley asked the women to hypothetically imagine the possibility of sex without obligation (no matter with whom - with a celebrity or a friend who is said to be "good in bed"). It turned out that women would agree to take advantage of this opportunity as willingly as men, but if the initiative came from themselves. In talking about their past experiences, women report that they usually turned down offers of sex without obligation, unless the potential partner seemed "promising" to them. As in a hypothetical situation, women show an interest in casual relationships, but only if "it's worth it."
In addition, sex without commitment should be understood not only and not so much as casual relationships for one night. Research shows that women tend to view it as having sex with a friend or ex-boyfriend that doesn't involve any commitment.
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus
This stereotype is actively supported by popular culture and popular psychology. We owe them to the book of the same name by John Gray. In the acclaimed bestseller, Gray writes that men and women are different from each other, as if they came from different planets. In fact, gender differences are much weaker than the individual characteristics of each person. Do not think that if the difference between the sexes is huge - it just is. For example, according to statistics, men are taller than women. Now look around you: you will see many women who are taller than men. The same can be said for gender differences. In addition, both men and women want the same thing from a relationship: they both call kindness, a rich inner world and intelligence as the main characteristics of an ideal partner.
Simple truth: building relationships based on gender stereotypes is wrong; this leads to stereotyped, distorted facts and misunderstandings. Your goal is to build stable relationships, not follow stereotypes, right?
Men and women resolve conflicts differently
Although many researchers refute this stereotype, there is also some truth in it. Some couples follow the beaten - and not always correct - path, choosing a familiar model of conflict management: one side actively requires discussion of the problem, while the other avoids it in every possible way. The more one insists, the further the other retreats; the circle is closed, in the end both are left with nothing. Usually, a woman turns out to be the attacking side.
However, conflict behavior patterns are associated with personality rather than gender differences. Psychologists who studied this aspect asked couples to discuss some issues - some of them worried about women, others - their spouses. It turned out that the role of the attacker is not a representative of one sex or another, but the one who wants more changes. If this is a woman, then she insists, and vice versa; however, often a man does not insist on his position.
What does this mean? Change is usually wanted by the one who finds himself in the position of the follower in the relationship, while the partner seeks to maintain the current state of affairs. In our society, the slave party in a relationship is usually a woman, which is why she wants change. Although there is a redistribution of roles in society, women are still more demanding, not because they are naturally inclined to resolve conflicts in this way, but because they want change.
Physical abuse almost always comes from men
When talking about violence, people automatically see the woman as the victim. Of course, women face this more often, and the damage done to them is usually more serious, but men are also often victims of domestic violence. A recent UK study found that 40% of victims of domestic violence are men. In the US, 12% of women and 11% of men admitted to having committed an act of violence against their partner during that year. Other studies confirm that domestic violence can often come from women, but men do not seek help or report it out of fear of judgment or ridicule, so statistics are not accurate.
Summarize. Stereotypes do not come from nothing, they are often based on long-term, if not centuries-old, observations. This does not mean that you should unconditionally take them on faith. Trust, the ability to negotiate and listen, as well as sincerity in this case are much more important.
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