2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Even if instead of comfort we choose courage and live on the brink of our own capabilities, emotional flexibility does not always mean flying as fast as possible, neglecting all obstacles and concentrating only on our goal at any cost. If you make choices according to your values, there may come a time when the only reasonable thing to say is "be patient."
Patience contains, but is not identical with, concepts such as resilience, ambition and self-control. I like the definition given by psychologist Angela Duckworth: patience is passion and sustained steadfastness, with which a person goes to a goal for a long time, without being distracted along the path to awards and recognition. Patience is an important predictor of long-term success, Duckworth observes.
Susan David writes that the symptom of being hooked is that emotions prompt you to take actions that are not aligned with your values. Passion in patience is important and adequate only when you control it, and not vice versa. Passion that turns into obsession and paints over other vital activities will not contribute to your prosperity.
You can hold on - to work to the point of exhaustion on the project and even get pleasure from it - but if all your efforts and passion do not benefit your life goals, then it will all be in vain. Emotional dexterity makes it possible to make an informed decision, giving up empty things.
For us, clinging to unrealistic or harmful goals generated by lurid emotions is the worst manifestation of rigidity, leading to suffering and lost opportunities. Many spend years of their lives on useless and unrealistic goals, because they are afraid to admit a mistake, or their values have changed and reality forces them to change to the one on which other ships have already laid down. In the meantime, procrastination in the face of harsh facts can be costly as doors to other opportunities continue to close. Sometimes you have to courageously admit: "I can no longer torture myself like this."
We need patience, not stupidity. The most flexible and adaptive response to an unattainable goal is goal correction, which means a departure from an unattainable goal and a transition to an alternative.
These are often complex, even scary decisions. And it can seem like you've given up if you are hooked on the idea that patience is your highest value. But it's not a shame - this can be perceived as a virtue - to make a logical and sincere choice. Treat this transition not as giving up, but as progress. By choosing a new path that has opportunities, you give yourself the chance to evolve and grow according to the circumstances. This is a worthy solution.
So how do you determine when to endure and when to quit? There are many stories about people who first hit the wall, and then they had a breakthrough. But there are more stories of people holding on until they walked into a remote corner. So how do you know when to adjust your goals and go away or give it another chance?
In an attempt to balance the “endure or quit” equation, economist Stephen Dubner compared two metrics: irrecoverable and opportunity costs. Irretrievable costs are investments (money, time, energy) that you have already invested in the enterprise and therefore do not want to leave it. Opportunity cost is something you give up by sticking to your own choices. That is, every penny or every minute that you continue to invest in this project, robot, relationship, cannot be used in another, more profitable project, robot, relationship. If you can take a step back and turn away from irrecoverable losses (I know this is very, very difficult), you can better assess whether it is worth further investing time and money in them.
The true answer as to whether to hold on or quit can only come from self-knowledge that maintains emotional flexibility. You just need to set yourself apart, go beyond and move on, discovering and using your most important values and goals.
If you have to make the choice to “endure or wait,” try asking yourself:
- Do I feel joy or satisfaction in what I am doing?
- Does this reflect my values in life?
- Is it using my potential?
- Sincerely, do I believe that I will be lucky or that the situation is generally successful?
- What opportunities will I give up if I continue to follow this path?
- Am I stubborn or stubborn in this situation?
Remembering the swing principle, I use this part of the play area to illustrate the idea of balance, the point at which challenge and skill are in creative tension. I do not want to say that our goal is to constantly rise and fall in life at one point.
Emotional flexibility is dynamic life. This is a movement towards understandable, problematic, but achievable goals, which you strive not from coercion or because you were ordered to do so, but because you yourself want it and this is important for you.
When you continue to strive for new knowledge and replenishment of experience, when you follow the call of your heart and your sincere answers to important questions for you, you will see that you are not attached to the swing. On the contrary, you plunge into the sky and open your brain and your world.
How can you use the information in this and previous articles to try to get out of stagnation? Several takeaways:
- Choose boldness over comfort. By confusing security with the familiar, the accessible, and the connected, we limit our choices. To continue your development, you need to open up to the unfamiliar and even uncomfortable. Inconvenient emotions can be instructive too.
- Choose what works. Getting out of stagnation means developing the fullness of your life potential. The main characteristic of any action should be the question: does it bring me closer to who I want to become? A real choice that works despite all short-term limitations and at the same time brings you closer to the life you want.
- Do not stop, continue your development. Prosperity is about expanding the range of your actions and the depth and skill of execution. Ask yourself about the range: “What is it that scares me lately? When was the last time you started something and failed? " If nothing comes to mind, then you are probably too careful. Regarding the range: “When was the last time you felt vulnerable for putting all your passion into creativity at work or in a relationship? Are you avoiding deeper, more real conversations?
- Decide whether to endure or quit. Perseverance and patience are important. But why persist in "madness".
The article appeared thanks to the book "Emotional Agility" by Susan David
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