2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
One of the difficulties that parents face is when children do not fit into the parent's idea of the ideal child. In general, the discrepancy between the ideal and reality brings a lot of pain and difficulties to the life of any person, and those who start doing something new are especially hurt by this discrepancy. In particular, raising a child. “It is not difficult to ride the wave of well-being when the balance has already been established. The new is difficult. New ice. New World. New feelings. "
The ideal image of a child is often composed of the following parts:
1) Stereotypes imposed by the environment.
2) Qualities that parents would like to have themselves, but do not have. Or they think they don't.
3) What is really important to parents. Their personal, own ideas about what qualities a person should have.
The first two points are very poisonous for parents. Parents try to raise a child based solely on other people's rules, opinions and experience. While the parents themselves have intuition, there is a connection with their own child, which is called bonding, and helps the parents to understand the child better. To understand not with the head, but with feelings, intuitively feel what the child needs.
The second point is a separate song. Parents try to raise a happier version of themselves instead of a child. They want to see in the child what they do not allow themselves. I will also note that what irritates parents most of all in a child is what annoys or is denied in themselves.
The parent does not allow himself to do something that he really wants. This most often concerns the realization of talents, or simply the manifestations and expressions of certain feelings. Why this happens to a person is a separate question, a separate deep work on working out relationships with their own parents, and, sometimes, psychological trauma.
It is important to first see how you interact with your child, whether you hear him, whether you take into account his peculiarities when raising and, in particular, when choosing his activities, circles, sections. Often parents complain that the child does not want to go to some classes, but wants, according to the parents, "to do some kind of nonsense." If you ask parents why it is important for them that the child attends certain classes, or develops a certain talent, most likely it turns out that the parents themselves wanted to develop this talent in themselves, or to be engaged in where they take the child. If you delve even further into questions, reflections and memories, you can find reasons why the parent chose this path - to realize their abilities and desires through the child, and not directly through himself.
The bottom line is that when parents begin to see and become aware of how they are realizing themselves through the child, changes begin. It is very difficult and at the same time, pleasant, to see your own paths of development, while at the same time giving the child a choice of what to be and what to do.
The third point is what is important specifically for parents, what comes from the soul, from the heart, from their own ideas about what a person should be in their minds. Of course, these ideas are also formed under the influence of the environment, but there is an important difference from the second point - the parent gently guides the child through life, listens to him, showing at the same time firmness and solicitude in the upbringing of any qualities, or offering various activities.
The third point is the most important and the most careful for the child's psyche.
Raising both yourself and your child with respect, understanding and care is the most environmentally friendly way of personal development.
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