2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
When a baby is born, a cry proclaims to the world: "I am!" - and in this cry and cry the first experience of a feeling of loneliness is heard. When mom takes the baby in her arms, puts it to her breast, he feels warm and he understands: I am not alone. Growing up, each of us swings like a pendulum between experiencing our loneliness and identifying ourselves with the world
If we read what philosophers and psychologists think about loneliness, we find that there is no single view. There are those who consider it an extreme situation for a person, which limits and destroys opportunities. The opposite point of view suggests that in loneliness there are hidden opportunities for relaxation, self-knowledge, creativity and personal development.
A person can experience his loneliness, being among people, and vice versa: in a voluntary confinement, feel his community, kinship with others. Frustration (dissatisfaction) of a person's need for attachment, communication, connections with other people gives rise to the experience of loneliness.
Cognitive-behavioral psychologists argue that a person's feeling of their loneliness leads to a closed loop:
"I decided that I was lonely and therefore behave accordingly";
"Others see my behavior and withdraw, and in response to the behavior of others, I withdraw even more."
Thus, the noose of loneliness is tightening ever tighter.
For example, in the film "Office Romance" the main character, Lyudmila Prokofievna Kalugina, perfectly demonstrated this behavior. She experienced her own loneliness, spread her behavior to colleagues at work, who, in turn, hated the evil boss and moved away from her.
- She is a middle-aged, ugly, lonely woman …
- She is not a woman, she is a director!
- Well, it turns out that everyone considers me such a monster?
- Don't exaggerate. Not all … Not so monster …
(c) k / f Office romance
Stress-causing factors can also contribute to the experience of loneliness. The most powerful of them: the death of a loved one, divorce, illness, dismissal from work or retirement, change in social status, leaving the "family nest" of children
Here are the three most popular types of loneliness:
1. REJECTING LONELINESS.
In this state, a person is like a wood splitter. His ax is rejection.
They offer him support - he: "I don't need it."
The joy of motherhood or fatherhood - "I'll be childfree."
Professional growth - "No, I'm comfortable where I am."
And such choices lead to the fact that a person feels, experiences less intimacy and more and more alienation from others. The great psychologist and philosopher Erich Fromm formulated six types of alienation: from other people, labor, needs, state, nature and oneself.
There are excellent examples of this alienation described in the literature:
From other people. Rodion Romanovich Raskolnikov, before the murder of the usurer and her sister, was in a state of alienation from other people.
“He went deep into himself and retired from everyone that he was afraid even of any meeting, not only meeting with the hostess. He was crushed by poverty; but even the constrained situation had ceased to weigh on him lately.. In essence, he was not afraid of any mistress, no matter what she planned against him ", - FM Dostoevsky" Crime and Punishment ".
From your labor. Moral fatigue and decline, as a result of alienation from labor and people, was embodied by Dr. Andrei Efimich Ragin, the main character, and subsequently an inhabitant of "Ward No. 6".
“With the pleasant thought that, thank God, he hasn't had a private practice for a long time and that no one will interfere with him, Andrei Yefimitch, having come home, immediately sits down at the table in his study and begins to read. There is always a decanter of vodka next to the book and a pickled cucumber or soaked apple lies right on the cloth, without a plate. Every half hour, without taking his eyes off the book, he pours himself a glass of vodka and drinks, then, without looking, he gropes for a cucumber and takes a bite. By evening, the postmaster, Mikhail Averyanych, usually comes, the only person in the whole city whose company is not burdensome for Andrei Yefimych ", - Anton Pavlovich Chekhov," Ward No. 6 ".
Father Sergius from the story of the same name by Leo Tolstoy renounced needs, the state, and himself. He was a young man with great ambition, who wanted to be the first in everything. Having learned that he would have a second with his beloved, he was tonsured a monk. This body wanted sex, and he pacified the flesh with the power of the spirit. In order not to enter into temptation, he chopped off his finger. But flesh and a thirst for life grew in him, and from seclusion he went to people.
2. LONELINESS THROUGH DISSOLUTION. Let's remember together Olenka Plemyanova, nicknamed Darling from the story of the same name by A. P. Chekhov. She feels such a void inside, such a degree of loneliness that she tries to get closer to the first person she meets. And when he becomes close, he begins to live with his thoughts and concerns.
She has nothing of her own. She is capable of living only in merging with another. She has no content of her own that she can offer to another for partner communication.
If we transfer this literary allegory to reality, then the guardians of morality, political parties, even fans of football teams are trying to drown out the emptiness of loneliness by adherence to other people's meanings.
3. NEUROTIC LONELINESS. Imagine a person on a swing swinging with maximum amplitude. And one pole of life in which he dwells is rejecting loneliness, and in the second - dissolving loneliness. Sociopaths tend to demonstrate this behavior, at first intoxicated by their object of passion, erecting all sorts of pedestals for it - beauty, minds, virtues. And then dumping their object of passion into the abyss of depreciation. From the first to the last.
What if you recognize yourself in a particular description? First of all, loneliness or merging with another (s), this is the dynamic process of our life. The main thing in this process is to observe the amplitude, not to allow its excessive fluctuations, being in a state of only loneliness or dissolving in another
If you are experiencing loneliness, I recommend making it fruitful, transforming it into controlled solitude, and in this solitude to solve the problems of your own development and purpose.
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