2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
"What will people say?" About the fear of condemnation
Why is it so difficult to do some important things? Often at the reception you meet with complaints:
- it is scary to ask the teacher a question;
- it is difficult to express your opinion in front of colleagues;
- I cannot make a speech, presentation;
- I can't get to know a girl;
- does not come out to talk about something important with a loved one;
- it's scary to start doing what you love, and. etc.
And the person is really trying to cope with this difficulty. He can take a course in public speaking or acting. He can read books, listen to webinars, figure out why he reacts so painfully to possible criticism. Why isn't the desired lasting change happening? The baggage of repressed, repressed difficult experiences accumulated during life and the ways to cope with them created in childhood remain unrecognized, unchanged, and inertially resist changes.
Where does this fear of condemnation come from, fettering our creative energy, preventing us from building life the way we would like? Once in childhood, my mother did not like your drawing; the teacher compared your plasticine fakes with others; dad scolded for insufficiently beautiful letters in the copy; you stumbled at a holiday concert and the children laughed; the teacher shouted or spoke ironically about you in front of the children. Situations like these have led to the formation of a severely judgmental critic within you, who sometimes causes fear of condemnation, then criticizes others himself.
In the course of therapy, the client, accompanied by the therapist, recalls various situations in which he was faced with criticism, dissatisfaction, condemnation addressed to him from significant people; lives in a safe environment previously forbidden feelings of helplessness, powerlessness, despair, so that later the opportunity for design opens up new ways of behaving. And the backing of these new ways will not be the fear of facing difficult experiences, not the desire to cope with them, but the meaning: why do I choose to do it or not to do it. In addition, access to creative energy is freed up, which helps to construct new behavior, a new self.
Psychologist Julia Ostapenko.
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