💡 LOVERS: WHAT IS THEIR POWER? 💡 Everything You Need To Know About Lovers

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💡 LOVERS: WHAT IS THEIR POWER? 💡 Everything You Need To Know About Lovers
💡 LOVERS: WHAT IS THEIR POWER? 💡 Everything You Need To Know About Lovers
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Mistresses: what is their strength ?!

Yulia Zberovskaya: According to statistics, from 65% to 80% of marriages break up. Falling apart, not right away: These statistics cover roughly twenty-five years of family history. But, as you know, the risks of divorce in different years of marriage are different. Are there any peaks in divorce? That is, periods of family existence when the risk of divorce greatly increases?

Andrey Zberovsky: There are four peaks of divorce, as I say - "four waves of divorce":

Divorce Peak # 1. First two years of marriage

Divorce Peak # 2. After about five years of marriage

Divorce Peak # 3. After about twelve to fifteen years of marriage

Divorce Peak # 4. After about twenty to twenty-five years of marriage

In each of the peaks of divorce, there are many reasons at once. However, there are general lines, that is, the most basic reasons. It is important for husbands and wives to know them.

Yulia: Andrey, which of the peaks is the most dangerous?

Andrei: At the first peak, up to 10% of marriages are lost. At the second peak, 15-20% of families get divorced. At the third peak - up to 25-30% of divorces. Another 15% of divorces are at the fourth peak. There is still about 5% between all the peaks. This is how it reaches 70-80%.

Yulia: The most dangerous peak of divorces comes out - №3, where 25-30% of married couples break up. And this - after about twelve to fifteen years of marriage !!! When it would seem that everything should have settled down and got used to it. Paradox!

Andrei: If we also take into account the fact that there are several surviving couples per divorced couple, we can safely say that the situation of the “third wave of divorces” concerns a lot of families, at least 70% of all families that have existed for more than fifteen years. It's just that some families successfully solve the problems that have befallen them, while others do not.

Yulia: Are there any differences between these peaks of divorce, do the reasons for family conflicts and divorces differ between them?

Andrei: Indeed, each time there is a general line. At the first peak, it is the deep personal immaturity of the spouses. On the second - the inability to solve elementary material, financial and household problems of the family, as well as the issue of the birth of children. At the third peak is the factor of mistresses and lovers. On the fourth - the absence in a couple of those common goals and interests that can keep spouses close to each other at the age of about and after fifty years.

Yulia: Based on this, it turns out that more than 30% of divorces, that is, more than a third of family tragedies occur because of mistresses and lovers ?! What a tough statistic! So what is this fatal power of mistresses and lovers? Let's focus on this third wave of divorce now.

Andrey: The mechanism of the third wave of divorce looks something like this. I will first describe it using the example of men:

So, once upon a time, at the age of 20-27, a young family arose. As usual, it was difficult for the newlyweds at first: they lived either with their parents, or in a hostel, or in rented housing. They saved up, saved, took out loans and mortgages, gave them back, saved up again. We worked, endured, made a career, invested in children. We rarely rested; people did not go out often; spent little on themselves; sex, drive, travel was not enough, or at sea only with children; the circle of friends gradually shrank; the wife's appearance did not improve; children and problems gradually worsened character; humor and smiles disappeared from life. We lived all the time counting on a bright tomorrow. We are about to buy a big apartment, a prestigious car, the children will finish school; that's when we'll start living for ourselves …

And now about 15 years have passed (plus or minus two or three years). A man under a term of years, or already over forty … More often than not, he is the main earner of money in the family. He feels that there is already a certain success in life: a decent position, more or less decent income, his own housing has appeared, a loan for a car has been paid off, a summer residence has been built, the children are already teenagers or older. He understands that most of his life has already been lived, that he needs to cherish every day. He wants to enjoy his success, to reap the fruits of those trees that have been planted by him. Enjoy life today. Fortunately, there is already some free money for good clothes, delicacies, cafes, restaurants, decent gyms and travel.

Hence, he has a sharp increase in the demand for his wife. He finally has free time for sex, sports and leisure. He wants a gorgeous, mobile, sexy, youthful, athletic woman to share his success in life. Which should be slim, beautifully dressed; which takes the initiative to search for vouchers and tickets for travel; can easily accompany a man on a business trip or skiing; can and wants to drink wine together and have a delicious dinner; not only ready for sex everywhere and always, but she herself shows interest in it; is able to offer a man new fresh ideas in life, to take a personal part in their implementation, is very useful in his own activities. If by this time she herself somewhere and in something took place, made a name for herself, this is only welcome!

If the wife realizes in time that it is time to change the very way of life, that it is time to take care of herself, it is time to shift the emphasis from children to her husband, it is time to share success in life with him, it is time to relax a little and enjoy life - everything is fine: there is simply no place for a mistress, in the family is doing well. But if the wife did not understand this in time, if, being next to her husband in a difficult period of their life, she will not be next to him at the banquet table, trouble will surely come.

Yulia: I understood correctly: the problem is that by the time of achieving success in life and family, the wife was very tired, became an aunt and mom, and therefore ceased to meet the new, inflated needs of a successful husband?

Andrei: Exactly. Let me draw a clear analogy: Here is an airplane running along the runway before takeoff. He has already picked up a great speed, which is enough for takeoff. It's time for him to take off. But if the pilots do not dare to pull the control stick up and take off, then the plane will move further along the runway; it will end and he will crash somewhere. Or people on the plane will get tired of skating with no result, start to scandalize, shout to the pilot "Stop, we are getting out!" The plane will get up, passengers will leave and transfer to the other side, which will nevertheless take off into the sky.

Yulia: I understand correctly that people get on a plane not to ride at a breakneck speed along the runway, but nevertheless to fly into the sky and achieve some goal far from them. Accordingly, a man and a woman, once creating a family, overcoming numerous material and other difficulties (with children, with work, with everyday life, etc.), dream that one day everything will be decided and they will heal happily! They are waiting for this, they are waiting very strongly, they work for it with all their might, then to enjoy life, in all its colors!

Andrei: Just around the age of 35-45, somewhere after 10-15 years of marriage, this moment comes. The children have more or less grown up, the husband and wife have achieved a certain success in life: there is a position; there is a decent salary; there is an apartment / house; there is a dacha; there is a car; some free money for travel, restaurants, coffee shops, gym, fashionable clothes, too! It would seem that it's time to start living! Live to the fullest! But, here certain problems come to light.

If we are talking about cheating on the part of the husband, it usually sounds like this:

  • - by the time of her 35-45 years, the wife already looks bad: plump, dressed gray and uninteresting, trouble with hair, etc. In general, going to public places is not prestigious.
  • - by the time of 35-45 years old, the wife does not show any initiative either to sex or to add variety to it. Accordingly, to spend time with her and travel (take her on business trips, ride in a car, go to the cinema, etc.), not being able to continue a positive evening with violent sex, the husband has no desire (because I still want sex);
  • - by the time 35-45 years old, a wife may become a homebody, lose the skills of communication with people and active leisure: it is difficult to communicate with her husband's friends and their wives, not to support her husband's hobbies, such as bicycles, mountain skiing, mountaineering, fishing, hunting, snowmobiles, diving, surfing, etc.
  • - despite the fact that the children are already attending school (or even finishing it), the wife shows the extremes of motherhood: she still wants to sleep with the children, she is afraid to give them to grandparents for the weekend, she is afraid of hiring a nanny. He has no idea that you can go somewhere or go out without children, only with your husband.
  • - the wife does not take into account the increased status of her husband and his weight in society: being in public, she can allow herself to criticize, openly scold and even insult the husband who, in the eyes of others, is already an authoritative person (even a boss and a rich man).

The combination of these reasons comes to the fact that:

Having reached that high standard of living,

which allows you to live fun and interesting,

at first the husband cannot, and then he does not want to

do it with that lawful wife of yours

which, by this time, no longer has any interest in this!

Since she is sitting at home; no mobility; all in children; there is little sex and it is boring (although the wife is happy with everything); communicates poorly with people; no hobbies; there is no positive communication with her husband - only assignments, assignments and criticism addressed to him.

This is how an unjustified expectation is formed: the husband and wife strived for a better life, finally got it, but they can no longer fully enjoy the result together! The husband wants to live brightly and interestingly, but the wife is satisfied with everything that she is already used to. The wife, as it were, cannot switch modes in her head: “from saving and living in the future” - to the mode “the future has already come - it's time to live to the fullest!”.

And here, in a logical way, the mistress enters the scene. Mistresses are those women who will help a successful man to realize those dreams that for some reason did not want, did not want or could not be realized by his legal wife!

Mistresses - girls-assistants in the realization of a man's dream

at the expense of the dreamer himself, a kind of "help in a skirt."

Yulia:It turns out that a mistress is a girl who, for some of her own personal reasons, takes on the functions of a wife in terms of providing an adult successful man with the way of life that he once dreamed of with his wife. But when the long-awaited time "H" has come, the wife either cannot or does not want to make her husband's dream come true, and mistresses appear.

Andrey: The problem and the tragedy is that the wife may even want to, but at the same time looks and behaves in such a way that the husband himself cannot and does not want to fulfill his dream with her

As the men themselves tell me at the consultation: “Well, why should I take my wife with me on a business trip or on vacation at sea, if she does not look very good (radically change her image), does not give sex, plus she is also always unhappy ?! What's the point of this?! I'd better take with me that girl who is mobile and does not carry around with grown-up children like a brood hen; good looking; is guaranteed to take the initiative to have sex, and interesting; ready to share my hobbies and hobbies; accepts my social circle; does not spoil my mood with quarrels and conflicts."

As soon as this male logic turns on, a crisis begins in the family. If the wife does not understand her husband's expectations in time, if she does not raise the bar of demands on herself, if the very nature of these demands on herself does not change, the situation in the family will begin to deteriorate. Moreover, more often than not, the wife herself, what time, does not even notice this.

Not immediately notice for four reasons:

Firstly, men are becoming more educated and cunning. They read books and the Internet, watch movies and try to accommodate the mistakes of other men;

Secondly, most cheating men still have love and respect for their wife for a very long time, so they try not to injure her, trying their best to preserve the appearance of complete peace and harmony in the family.

ThirdlyMany wives have normal human pity for their husbands. “He’s poor at me and gets tired at work! Plus he's not that young anymore. He has no time for sex! Therefore, it is better not to disturb or distract him!"

IN- fourth, the wives themselves are so fixated on children, their work, life, etc., that they themselves get very tired and they themselves have no time for sex or attention to their husband.

But back to the main point:

Mistresses are girls who make the dreams of an adult man come true

about frequent interesting sex and active pleasant leisure,

when his wife cannot or does not want to do it

That is, the main strength of mistresses lies in the fact that they help a man get not only purely sexual satisfaction, but also moral: they give him the feeling that he can do it, he deserves it, he took place in life, deserved his male happiness and here, finally, I got it. Performed by the mistress and accompanied by her.

The power of a mistress is that she helps a man to realize

those of his dreams that he once associated with his wife

But, over the years, the wife dropped out of expectations, or abandoned them herself

Or just still can't get out of work without rest

The paradox here is that, theoretically, mistresses fulfill the wife's dreams. After all, a wife herself once 10-15 years ago could dream of frequent sex, travel, clubs, restaurants, expensive stores, etc. But now the years, children and worries have a little ruined my wife; she either forgot or gave up her own dreams of a better life. This has ceased to be her priority. She began to live only with children, everyday life, work, etc. And now the mistress fulfills the dreams of his wife, only this time … without herself! She is, so to speak, the wife's deputy for the embodiment of her youthful dreams: about her husband's attention, about a fur coat, about diamonds, about expensive underwear, about prestigious resorts and restaurants, about concerts and theaters, about swimming pools and a gym. Etc.

Yulia:Which, of course, the wife herself does not like! Indeed, throughout the entire marriage, the wife could work for her bright future (and for the future of the whole family as a whole, including her husband) no less, if not more, than her cheating husband! And now the results of her labor (brazenly or modestly, depending on the type of girl) are appropriated by a completely different lady! A lady of the heart, who, judging by her behavior, does not have a heart herself!

Andrei:Cheating men even joke about this like this:

«

Putting a little vulgar sense in this definition …

Yulia: Andrey, you, as always, explained and clarified everything. Our readers, and especially readers, will surely understand that one of the reasons for the appearance of mistresses at the third peak of divorce is that many wives, due to their decency or extreme fatigue from life, themselves cannot properly dispose of those benefits (status, money and free time) that they earned together with their husband in marriage, and cannot make a campaign in this for their husband, who really wants to relax and have fun. They cannot switch in time from the regime “save, everything to the house, everything for the children” to the regime “everything has stabilized, it’s time to live for yourself, while there is still health.” So what should they do? What can an experienced family psychologist like you advise them?

Andrei: Firstly, I will advise them to read both this article and my special book "".

Secondly, not only try to keep up with the train of thoughts and expectations of the husband, but also shape them. Including - to learn to want to live in an interesting way! Wives should know that it is necessary to turn off “mommy”, “worker” and “family piggy bank” in their heads on time! They must understand that if they don’t go to the gym (themselves, without being reminded by their husband), they don’t dress beautifully (and undress erotically), they don’t pull their husbands to coffee shops and movies, they don’t know how to look for interesting tours to the seas, don’t they will learn to understand travel websites, airlines and hotels, they will not send their own erotic photos to their husband, they will not be active in the family bed, they will not create an interesting family circle, then all this will be done for them by mistresses! Therefore, as a psychologist, I demand from wives that they stop only hoarding and learn to spend money on themselves without hesitation! And if they make their husbands happy in sex, they will definitely not save on them! For the logic is simple:

The more a wife spends her husband's money on her feminine image

your figure and sexuality - the less your mistress will get!

And as you know, mistresses are turned on by those men who have a lot of extra money. From those who can help the mistress acquire apartments, cars, fur coats, vouchers and jewelry. Meanwhile:

Husbands' extra money is what they were ashamed to spend

on themselves their overly correct wives

But mistresses may not be ashamed!

So there is nothing to be ashamed of legal wives! It's time for wives to learn how to spend their husband's money and their own money on themselves. Spend without extremes and wisely, but still spend! On yourself and on your husband, spend with your husband! At the same time, do not nag him, but make him sexually happy. And then you will not be afraid of mistresses!

As one of my clients said: “If the wife does not financially defat her husband, the mistresses will defat him first, and then the wife and children herself, in the process of divorce. Or the wife herself will have to proactively do it with her husband in the process of divorce. So, the issue of timely defatting of the husband is the issue of saving the family as a whole. And the husband will only win here”.

Yulia:It turns out that everything is simple: Wives need to be able not only to work, save, save and live for the sake of their husband and children, but also be able to stop in time and start living a fun, interesting and sexy life! Of course, with your legal husband!

Life and happiness cannot be postponed for later!

Then it may be too late

The right to happiness, like a lottery ticket, has an expiration date

The right may remain, but others will have happiness …

You need to live in time, otherwise the right to it will be taken away by others, less modest. As we ourselves once said:

The pursuit of the wife's happiness must be synchronized with the husband

Moreover, the place of synchronization is the family bed

Andrei:This is exactly how it is. Everyone should understand:

Some of the bad habits include the following: The habit of putting off living!

Women should know this. And husbands also need to understand this and actively engage in psychological education with their wives, trying to set them up for a more interesting life, which they deserve with their honest work for the good of the family!

Good wives have the right to be happy in their marriage and life!

And it is important not to miss the moment when the husband wants the same, do not forget to share the success in life for two (plus children)

By the way, we said this about a typical model of husbands cheating. But if the husbands themselves do not switch on time, if they are workaholics or just very boring, then their wives may want something very extreme. Those who themselves decide that life is passing by, and there are too few pleasures, and will begin to cheat on their husbands. This also happens. And in recent years, more and more.

Yulia:Andrey: I think this material will be very useful not only for women, but also for men!

Andrei: And you, Yulia, as a female stylist, also help wives to stop “gray necks” and transform into white swans, very attractive to a husband.

Yulia: Let's do it! And I ask our readers to more actively leave comments under our material and offer us such topics of articles that they are worried about or are interested in.

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