A New And Modern Type Of Psychological Dependence. Dating Websites

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Immediately, I note that I know many happy families in which the spouses found each other through dating sites. But this modern cure for loneliness also has a number of side effects. And addiction to hanging on dating sites is one such effect

It is worth noting that this ailment has a rather sexist orientation: men suffer more from it than women. However, the addiction of men to surfing the accounts of strangers and helpless flirting with them very often leads to the destruction of already established families and established relationships.

Description of the problem at a phenomenal level

The girl met a young man, they began a beautiful romance, which ended with the fact that they began to live together. Life together is proceeding quite successfully, young people get closer to each other, in addition to love chemistry and passion, they have mutual understanding, affection, mutual respect, and they are already seriously thinking about creating a family, about children and …

But suddenly one day a girl accidentally looks into the unclosed computer of her lover and notices that it is open on a dating site, and sees correspondence with different girls on it, in which there is frank flirting and even offers to meet.

Of course, then there is a quarrel, a showdown, or even a tough scandal. But the young man somehow manages to convince the girl that all this does not mean anything, that this is just an old long-term habit, from which he has not yet got rid of, that he met many of these girls before meeting her. Of course, both he and the girls with whom he flirts understand that all this is just a game. Further, there is a promise that this will not happen again, accounts on sites are solemnly killed, sites are removed from bookmarks - everything is over, childhood is over, adult life begins.

The relationship is returning to its former course, but only now the girl has a new addiction: she begins to secretly look into the computer and smartphone of her young man. Finds deleted messages in messages, saved links and cookies. She fights her addiction and explains to herself that you can't erase everything from networks and devices at once, that some traces unwittingly remain and that she just needs to pull herself together, start trusting her lover and forget about the incident.

But all of a sudden, she discovers that her paranoia had its reasons. Having advanced in IT literacy, she discovers that her boyfriend has developed a cunning algorithm for invisible access to new dating sites and is present there under other accounts and, of course, under a false name. He made sure that his photos on the first pages of his profile look mysterious, but not recognizable.

Sometimes the relationship ends already at this stage, since the girls perceive this discovery as betrayal, and moreover, as a calculated deception and breaking a promise. But more often than not, a young couple plunges into a period of protracted scandals, parting and reconciliation, which is very similar to the consequences of a real betrayal of one of the spouses.

Is visiting dating sites cheating if the person is already in a relationship?

Briefly, this question can be answered like this: it is not.

This is not treason - this is a strong psychological dependence, from which the young man cannot get rid of.

But for a girl it does not matter, and she can experience what happened exactly as a real betrayal. She is in pain, she is disappointed, she loses faith in her lover, stops trusting him and can no longer respect him as before.

Very often, after discovering this virtual betrayal, the girls themselves turn into involuntary fans of dating sites. They begin with a painful obsession to look through the accounts of those girls with whom their young man spoke. They compare themselves with them, and these comparisons are not in their favor, their self-esteem begins to suffer. They want to start dressing like their rivals, to lead the lifestyle that they present on their pages. And at the same time, they just start to feel sick of everything that is connected with those girls whose accounts they visit.

If a young man is constant in his passions and he likes similar girls, with similar habits, having a similar style of dress, and their interests coincide in many respects, then, hating her rivals, the girl of our young man gradually begins to hate a lot in herself.

What are dating sites for men

For some men, these sites are a relatively cheap and simple tool for getting a girlfriend or having an easy, non-binding romance. At the same time, work can be carried out in several directions at once and they remove new girls as they mature. Sometimes the situation becomes more complicated, since you have to confess your great love to several chosen ones at once, and having several mistresses at once is tiring and leads to the fact that not very pleasant overlays happen from time to time.

Immediately, we note that the type of men just described is not so common. This image just boggles the imagination of both women and men. The former perceive him as an antihero, and the latter as an object for imitation. So, when young people boast of their victories and dashing adventures, then most often they hang fake medals on their chests, but in reality they manage to seduce not so many women, if at all.

For most young people, hanging on dating sites is more of an escape from loneliness and a means of boosting their self-esteem. It is also a way to overcome fear of members of the opposite sex. Very often, virtual acquaintances do not lead to anything. Young people become less sociable after girls give them transparent hints that they do not mind taking a step forward, not because their interlocutors are not interesting to them. They are constantly postponing dates in real life because they are just scared. They are afraid that they will not correspond to the image of themselves that they have inflated on the net.

How to deal with this new type of psychological addiction and what to do with it

First of all, girls should understand that this is exactly an addiction, not a betrayal.

This judgment is true even for those cases when it is found that a young man combines hanging on dating sites with active visits to porn sites. Most often, young people who are addicted to dating sites do not plan real cheating at all, they simply cannot get rid of the habit, which at one time, perhaps, helped them a lot. They became more self-confident, they mastered communication skills, stopped being afraid of girls or fell into a stupor in the situation of meeting them.

You can imagine how people feel when they discover that a person close to them suffers from alcohol, drug or gambling addiction. But in these cases, there is usually no feeling of betrayal or betrayal. Attempts are being made to somehow help the person, to support him. In some cases, people decide to part with a person suffering from addictions, as they lose faith in the fact that he can get rid of this addiction, but nevertheless he is not accused of treason and betrayal.

Just like alcoholics, fans of visiting dating sites rarely admit to others and to themselves that they have formed an addiction, they can come up with the most incredible explanations for their behavior. For example, they claim that this allows them to learn to understand people better, that it helps them to get rid of tension or stress. Sometimes they can go on the attack and start blaming their girlfriend for something: violating personal boundaries, being old-fashioned, or being paranoid.

But in order to get off this hook and stop compulsively browsing the accounts of unfamiliar girls, the young man must admit to himself that what is happening to him is not very normal.

Of all the chemical and psychological addictions listed above, it is easiest to get rid of dating cravings. But if everything has long been known about the presence of other addictions, then the information that the habit of virtual acquaintance with girls can also be attributed to the category of addictions causes strong surprise and denial among many, including those who do not have this habit. can handle.

How can you summarize what has been said?

To get rid of any addiction, you need to understand that you are in it.

Well, loved ones should understand that an addiction to visiting dating sites speaks not of excessive love, but rather of an unfulfilled loneliness.

Switching from virtual food to live communication is sometimes not easy.