2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
A curious thought struck me. I suddenly imagined that I would have to look for a partner again someday, and I felt scared.
I realized that I was no longer interested in starting all over again in a relationship. This excitement and flair from a new acquaintance, a bouncing heart in my chest from the anticipation of love - I don't need all this anymore, I don't want it.
This is so strange. I remember how earlier it all aroused interest and warmed the heart, and it seemed that it was more pleasant just this beginning of a relationship, this candy-bouquet period, when the whole world is spinning in a whirlwind of love dance. You long to fall in love again and relive this magical feeling. You are waiting for a renewal that will turn your life upside down, lift you up to heaven and drop you to the ground. This endless, exciting roller coaster. Why did it suddenly seem boring, superficial, like pulp fiction or watching a mediocre movie, a waste of time? What happened?
You can often hear about the routine of existing relationships. People often want something new. New impressions, new emotions, new relationships … They expect from them a surge of emotions, delight and salvation from boredom. And I suddenly realized that this particular period of relationship is boring for me. Look closely again, get to know each other again, build relationships again, talk about yourself, get to know another, waste time on empty conversations. Maybe I have grown old in soul, tired?
Many will probably disagree with me, say that people are all different, and getting to know a new person is terribly interesting, and every next relationship is not like the previous ones. But what can I do, I see it that way. It seems to me that they become different already at a deeper stage of acquaintance, and at first everything is primitive to the point of banality. The jokes of men and their demonstration of their merits, the antics of women, painfully similar to each other. Hooks and tricks that make you smile, formulaic phrases aimed at achieving results. Many do not even bother with the content of the phrases and each next partner is presented with texts that have already been voiced many times in previous relationships. This is more like a simulator, practicing a hooking skill than a relationship.
No, really. Everything from the beginning is difficult, and besides, it is incredibly similar to all previous falls in love. It's like a routine, when nothing develops, and you seem to be constantly in groundhog day, but with different people. How can you consider an update that is constantly happening according to a given scenario with small deviations? From day to day, excitement, affects and swings, swings, swings, something even vomited.
When you went a long way with your loved one, built a relationship, got to know most of it, learned to be with him, share your life with him and became comfortable, calm and reliable, quiet and gentle, then somehow you no longer want to take off, nor falls, no mental striptease, no heart jumping from excitement. Quiet happiness, eco-friendly relationships that are more like expansion and deepening than ups and downs, trust and depth of contact, all this is so unlike the anguish and tension of the beginning of a relationship, and I really don't want to go back there again.
I'm sure the depth of a relationship is not achievable in our short life. It is not possible to exhaust each other's potential. Each person is a whole world and there will always be unknown sides in it. Only a relationship frozen in one form can get bored, when partners have exhausted the resource of intimacy and are not ready, or one of them is not ready, to deepen the relationship. But where they tend to develop, you, like Captain Nemo in your Nautilus, each time dive to different depths, in different waters, and incredible discoveries await you there. This is not a swing where you drive, your head is spinning, there are butterflies in the stomach, but in fact, nothing changes.
Getting to know each other day after day, surprise and delight is so wonderful and always new. Each of us, coming home brings new information and renewed ourselves. And if we communicate and are interested in each other, then how can we get bored with each other? The same thing happens with intimacy. The more trusting the relationship, the more attentive the partners are to each other, the deeper and stronger the emotions, feelings and bodily feedback. It seems to me that those who are ready for such a relationship learn what they cannot get by changing partners.
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