NEGATIVE STEREOTYPE CYCLES OF INTERACTION IN VAPOR

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Video: NEGATIVE STEREOTYPE CYCLES OF INTERACTION IN VAPOR

Video: NEGATIVE STEREOTYPE CYCLES OF INTERACTION IN VAPOR
Video: Stereotypes - English Grade 5 with key answers 2024, March
NEGATIVE STEREOTYPE CYCLES OF INTERACTION IN VAPOR
NEGATIVE STEREOTYPE CYCLES OF INTERACTION IN VAPOR
Anonim

J. Bowlby emphasized that the baby needs a reliable figure that will protect him in a situation of threat. The attachment figure's empathic and consistent responses in states of arousal and fear have a calming effect on the infant. These safe experiences, which are formed early in life, provide a safe foundation upon which to build adult secure attachments and the capacity for self-soothingness. Children develop an internal working model of attachment, which can be both safe and unsafe in cases of significant violations of child care. BPM significantly affects how they, as adults, will be able to build relationships with partners, their children, and friends.

There are four types of attachment relationships.

  • Secure attachment. Adults with secure attachment feel both intimate and autonomous in a relationship, and are capable of free expression of feelings.
  • Anxious or ambivalent attachment type. Adults become overly dependent on close relationships.
  • Avoidant type of attachment. Adults reject the need for intimacy, behave painfully self-sufficient.
  • type of attachment. Adults exhibit a combination of seeking intimacy and rejecting it. Constant fear of rejection, chaotic, unpredictable emotions and reactions.

The last three types of attachment are different variants of "insecure attachment".

The strongest and most stable emotional bond occurs between two independent adults with secure attachments. Relationships between partners with strong affection are built on equality, mutual respect and flexibility. The relationship between avoidant men and anxious or ambivalent women is fairly stable. It is believed that unions in which a man demonstrates with anxious attachment, a woman avoiding attachment is less durable. Partners with insecure attachments tend to be rigidly assigned roles and often form a defensive, dominant, or subordinate position in the relationship.

The main points of attachment theory are the following:

  1. Contact with attachment figures is a natural survival mechanism. The presence of such attachment figures (partner, children, parents, spouses, friends, lovers) ensures safety and comfort. While the inaccessibility of such figures creates distress. The reaction to the inaccessibility of the attachment figure can be anger, sticking, depression, despair. Attachment to loved ones is the main defense against the helplessness and meaninglessness of life.
  2. Fears and uncertainties in life situations activate attachment needs.
  3. Finding and maintaining contact with significant others is innate and the main motivating factor in people.
  4. Safe addiction is always accompanied by autonomy and self-confidence. Conditions such as absolute independence from others and overdependence are two sides of the same coin, namely variants of insecure addiction. Psychological health in this model is safe addiction, not self-sufficiency and separateness. Buolby had a definite opinion about the pathologization of addiction and the praise of so-called self-sufficiency and individualism. He also talked about "effective" and "ineffective" addiction. Effective addiction involves the ability to construct a secure attachment to a partner and use that connection as a source of comfort, support and concern.
  5. An emotional connection is formed by emotional availability and responsiveness.

Depending on the type of attachment, partners form one or another behavioral cycle of interaction around the emotional distance between them. In a conflict situation, some people tend to immediately discuss disagreements under the pressure of anxiety and find out everything at once and finally (more often women have such characteristics). It is these people who are more likely to initiate difficult conversations that they are trying to bring to the end, even when the partner is not inclined to contact. In a relationship, they become "persecutors" and are extremely painful to experience the silence and detachment of their partner. Others (more often men) tend to avoid emotional discussions or postpone discussion of conflict situations until the emotional tension subsides. In relationships, these people often distance themselves and take a "detached" position.

Characteristics of the "Pursuer": openness, frankness, free expression of emotions, orientation towards relationships, in a conflict seeks to find out everything.

Characteristics of the "Retreating": concealment and removal of emotions, dispassion, orientation towards objects and goals, in a conflict tends to postpone discussion until more "emotionless times".

Stressful experiences provoke partners to take one or another defensive position in interactions, encourage them to behave with each other in a stereotypical way. As the same behavioral cycle is played over and over again, the conflict escalates. The more the persecutor tries to find out, discuss, get closer, the more the distant will distance himself. The further and deeper the withdrawing person goes into his own defense, thereby escaping from the obsessive persecutor, the more the persecutor seeks to pull him out of this shell using the methods available to his mental organization that frighten the distancing partner, the more the latter builds fortifications around his incapable of intense emotional experiences psyche. In short, the harder the pursuer knocks on the closed door, the less often the person who hid behind it shows signs of life. Each couple, depending on the types of attachment and the distribution of power among themselves, forms their own dead end in the relationship.

There are the following hypotheses regarding the negative cycle of interaction between partners.

  1. The reaction of each partner is a stimulus for the reaction of the other (criticism stimulates detachment, and detachment even more criticism, etc.)
  2. Partner behavior is organized in repetitive cycles of interaction.
  3. Negative cycles of behavior are triggered by secondary emotions such as anger, blame, coldness. Primary emotions are usually hidden, these are deeper feelings, such as fears of abandonment, helplessness, or longing for contact and connection. Primary emotions are usually excluded from awareness and are not explicitly represented in the interaction of partners.
  4. The negative cycle becomes self-reinforcing and difficult to get out of.
  5. The negative cycle increases distress and maintains attachment insecurity.

The ability to correlate the processes in a pair with one or another stereotype of marital interaction helps to realize the predictability of the marital impasse, since their defensive behavior in the conflict is predictable.

Cycles of negative interactions

  • « Harassment - Suspension " is basic. Its options are: Demand / Distance; Complaint / Appeasement; Criticism / Petrification. It is characteristic that the role of the "persecutor" is usually played by a woman, and the role of the "withdrawing" is played by a man. But it also happens the other way around. In a situation where a man is a persecutor in a stereotypical conflict, he looks different than a female persecutor, often his persecution is accompanied by coercion.
  • Reactive cycle stalker - retreat … This cycle appears when the inversion of the stereotyped cycle occurs. For example, a wife who has long pursued her estranged spouse gives up and ceases to seek a response from her spouse, finds a lover, gets an education, the children vomit, the estranged spouse does not see any of this. Finally, the wife says that she is leaving. Such couples, coming to therapy already with a reactive cycle, where the husband pursues his wife, trying to prevent divorce, the wife is wary, does not trust his desire for her, withdraws, refusing to invest in the relationship. This negative cycle, where the husband is persecuting and the wife is not involved in the relationship, is the opposite of their previous stereotype, where the wife was the persecutor and the husband was withdrawn.
  • « Suspension - Suspension ". In this stereotype, both partners are not emotionally involved, and both are withdrawn in the conflict. They avoid conflicting issues and tend not to discuss contradictions. Often these partners find they are living parallel lives. Most likely, initially the couple had a stereotype of persecution - detachment, but the persecutor turned out to be “gentle”, who quickly dropped his hands and pulled away. Another option is when the pursuer "burned out" and abandoned plans to approach his partner. His distancing means the beginning of freezing and distance from the relationship. This leads to a reduction in the distance (sometimes pathogenic) in relationships with children, friends, colleagues, with whom closer emotional ties are established than with a partner.
  • Cycle "Attack-Attack". There is a consistent increase in the amplification in the conflict. These escalations of conflict are deviations from the persecutor-withdrawing pattern, where the withdrawing person may feel provoked and explode with anger at certain points. After the scandal, the withdrawing person will soon return to his withdrawn position until provoked again. If both partners have an anxious or ambivalent attachment type, then their relationship can be very emotional. But, since it is impossible to be at a very close distance of merging all the time, then one of them, at some point in time, will more often play the role of a person who is withdrawing in relationships. Such cycles can have different options for the end of the scandal. If "two equal warriors" meet, then a grandiose slaughter takes place and subsequent mutual alienation without an agreed decision. If one of the partners is inclined to give in more and to appease his partner, then at the end of the scandal there is a variant of the decision of the more dominant partner without the sincere consent of the other. The more compliant simply adapts to the stronger partner, often then implicitly sabotaging the joint action.
  • Complex cycles … These cycles are characterized by a variety of partners' moves and often occur as a result of trauma in the parental family. Complex cycles can be correlated with disorganized attachment patterns in one or both partners. In this case, the anxiety that pushes to persecution and avoidance of contact are simultaneous and very high. Permanent fear of rejection leads to chaotic and unpredictable emotions and reactions. The result is a complex and intensely emotionally charged sequence of interactions. For example, a person strives for intimacy, but when he reaches it, he runs away from contact or even breaks up the relationship for a while. Next example. The wife behaves persistently, forcing submission and vows of eternal love - the husband distances himself - the wife intensifies the attack - the husband withdraws and then attacks, defending himself - both withdraw - the husband becomes depressed, begins to drink (for several days) - the wife then shortens distance - the husband gradually thaws - the couple experiences a short period of love - and the cycle starts again. You can often find a situation when one of the partners proposes to end the relationship, personally collects the suitcases for the partner and secretly hopes that the partner will not leave, but, on the contrary, will demonstrate his feelings and strong love.

Literature

Bowlby J. Affection, 2003

Bowlby J. Creating and Breaking Emotional Ties, 2004

Johnson M. Practicing Emotionally Focused Marriage Therapy

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