2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
This article is about what happens to a woman during her growing up, becoming a girl - the entrance to reproductive age. About how the relationship with the mother is developing at this time.
A girl is an age stage in which active (male) energies prevail in the female body. During this period, the girl is maximally consonant with the daddy - "daddy's daughter". After seven years, but always before puberty. The daughter must enter the zone of influence of the mother in order to become a "mother's daughter" This is normal, but in reality, alas, it often happens in different ways)
What imbalances can be observed in the relationship between mother and daughter during the transition of the daughter from girl to girl?
The daughter did not go through the period with a high quality, that is, she did not learn to manifest and use active energies in herself, and when the time comes to master her feminine (passive) energies, the daughter is not ready. She sabotages all the instructions of the mother, which often becomes the cause of conflicts. The mother often lacks the wisdom to help her daughter smoothly move from passive to active energies of interaction with the world.
It often happens that the mother herself has not worked out either male or female energies in herself, and it is natural that she does not know how to properly accompany her daughter. Accordingly, the daughter's ideas of what is feminine and what is masculine are blurred, hence the behavior in fact is neither masculine nor feminine.
A type of motherhood “more of a mother than a woman,” in which the mother focuses all her attention on her daughter, depriving her of the opportunity to live in every sense of the concept. The daughter becomes a living doll, the object of the realization of maternal projections on how to live.
The type of motherhood is "more a woman than a mother." In which the mother is passionate about her life and she has no time to get involved in the problems of a growing girl. The main thing is that the daughter does not create obvious problems. Emotional separation of the mother from the process of raising her daughter. Superficial relationships, weak involvement in the child's life forms a vacuum space around the girl, in which she is not just not comfortable, but scared, because hormonal changes in the body always increase anxiety in a person, which enhances aggressive notes in interaction with both the mother and the world.
When a daughter is brought up by one mother, the girl is deprived of the opportunity to learn to distinguish between passive and active energies within the family, and this makes it difficult for her to cognize her nature and acquire harmony and balance within.
The psychological immaturity of the mother often leads to such forms of interaction with the daughter as competition.
What to do?
Mothers should be aware that parenting is very serious and is aimed not only at ensuring the physical parameters of the child's life. That the role of "mother" is not the only one in her life, and that part of motherhood is the ability to show her daughter a worthy example of how it is to "be a woman" in the reality of every day of her life. And not just being a woman, but being a happy woman. After all, the best example of upbringing is a personal example of happiness.
Girls should be aware that mother is what she is and that she herself is the "result" of someone's upbringing. That there is no point in re-educating her or proving something to her. For we often sacrifice our lives in order to prove to our mother that we deserve her love, attention, acceptance. This is the right path to suffering, but clearly not to female happiness. This is never a chance.
"In youth we do a lot in order not to be like our mother, with age we understand how much we are like her. And when we can think about it without irritation, anger, but at the same time without pride, we understand that for all similarity, both we and she are independent personalities, this moment means that we are ready to accept it, but this becomes possible only when we act consciously, and not just try to support the artificial world. The period of accusations is followed by a reevaluation stage, during which we realize the good and the bad, take into account the nuances, notice extenuating circumstances. Our memory is gradually "putting things in order" in our past: it softens painful memories, shading the brightest. One day we feel that it has become easier for us, we feel relaxed and confident. The pain goes away, and we think of our mother with tenderness "(E. Mikhailova).
There is always an opportunity to work out the roles of "girl" and "girl" in oneself and harmonize passive and active energies in the role of "woman". To develop your own femininity is very important to accept your own mother. Probably, this is the first step into the world of a woman. Remember in fairy tales where the main character is a girl, often instead of the image of the mother there is the image of the stepmother. The stepmother is a metaphor for the interaction between mother and daughter during the second puberty, and not because of all the heroines of fairy tales, mothers died abruptly. The stepmother is not a negative character, as it seems to many, but a mentor, a coach of the girl's entry into the passive energies of femininity. It is the stepmother who teaches the girl a lot. Yes, tough, strict, but often very fair, and this is exactly what a girl needs, plus, of course, the energy of her father's love.
To accept your mother means to understand the circumstances of her life, the peculiarities of her upbringing, her successes and failures outside the family circle - in everything that makes up a person's life. It is not so easy - for us, she is, first of all, Mom. Acceptance means turning to face her, seeing her in a variety of roles, and not just in her parental role. Only by discovering in her a personality with interests, demands, dreams that are not related to our life, we can accept some of its features, even those that do not suit us. To accept is to stop wanting her to be different.
To accept your mother means to understand her responsibility for your female identity and to let her carry it. Through accepting the image of the mother within us, we allow the feminine energies to unfold in us, we allow ourselves to be happy women. Having accepted the mother within us, we take a step towards finding the balance of passive and active energies, we boldly take our place under the sun in the world of adults. Accepting your mother = allowing yourself to become a conscious mother in the future. Hug your mom while she's alive. Fill her image with light if she's already gone.
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