2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
“Why am I coming back again and again? Why can't I leave completely? Why do I allow myself to be treated this way? I am so scared to be alone … "- How often do I, as a psychologist, hear these thousands of" Why? " and see the fear of feeling your own loneliness.
The fear of loneliness has biological roots. To be alone in childhood means to die, to disappear. If the baby is left alone, he will not survive, since he will not be able to take care of himself. But an adult is another matter.
A person is a social being, for whom communication with society, a group is very important. And most often the fear of loneliness is experienced by people whose emotional connection with their family is very disturbed - unstable, unreliable, or completely absent. Such people are more likely to enter into destructive, devastating relationships in order to at least feel connected with someone. But more often than not, it turns out to be just as unreliable. And facing the understanding that this relationship needs to be ended, a panic fear of loneliness arises - the fear of uselessness and the loss of this unstable support …
In fact, this is not fear - but a reality that is scary to realize. The reality of deep loneliness and uselessness
To what extent does your relationship make you feel that you are not alone, feel emotional closeness?
In a healthy relationship, each respects the boundaries and needs of the other, respects feelings, and does not threaten to leave any disobedience or dissent. Does not try to control, does not behave dismissively. In a devastating relationship, the opposite is true. After all, they hold on to the fact that both or one of them is simply ready to endure all this. Of course, all relationships are not perfect. But what is more in yours?
Is it worth it to be afraid of this loneliness, if it already permeates every cell of the body. If in these relationships you are already alone - without support, understanding, respect, love. If you're just being used?
How often do we feel physically very close to someone else?
The fear of loneliness gets in the way
How often does a person refuse new opportunities, a happy life, promising prospects? Preferring the old, already obsolete, to the new. How often, because of the chilling fear of loneliness, do the best human dreams of emotionally intimate relationships remain just fantasies?
When we want to change our lives for the better and decide on new beginnings, the fear of loneliness paralyzes us. It seems to us that we will lose something very important for ourselves. We will find ourselves in a paralyzing emotional cold. It is very important at this time to enlist the support of people who really understand you - a psychologist, friends, relatives.
Is it worth keeping a crippling relationship just to avoid feeling lonely? How can this fear be overcome?
It is worth taking the risk and diving into the very depths of this fear. In the end, it turns out that all this is an illusion. The illusion of the importance of destructive relationships - we ourselves attach importance to them, we ourselves try to convince ourselves that we do not deserve better and that we will be lost without this person. A person who does not value us, does not respect our boundaries and desires, and often feels indifference to us. We are trying to find support, actually walking on a tightrope over an abyss. We're trying to find solid ground where the quicksand is. Find warmth where the permafrost is. Find understanding in the cold eyes of indifference …
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