2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Many people say that pregnancy is a sidereal time. That they need to enjoy, that it is so wonderful, that they need to sleep off while there is time, etc.
This is said, perhaps, in order to thus support the "falling apart" pregnant woman, or … to intimidate her.
When they told me something like that, it didn't support me at all. It made me angry. Why? Because it’s a lie to me.
Of course, for many girls this is really the finest hour and everything like that. But it's hard for me to imagine a girl who, well, at all, has no difficulties during pregnancy. Everyone has inner experiences, tension; and not all, in fact, everything is so easy and smooth.
About the joys of pregnancy, there is a lot of welcome information, many articles and conversations on this topic. I want to talk about difficulties that go a little deeper than the tip of the iceberg.
And so, this article is in support of those whose pregnancy is not sugar; those who are afraid, angry, powerless and unwell.
The article contains many so-called "horror stories", more precisely, sobering descriptions of pregnancy. Therefore, if the state is already not very good, then I recommend reading only the first sentences of the points and, listening to yourself, try to find out what is inside you, and then immediately go to the end of the article, so as not to increase the level of anxiety and excitement.
These are the difficulties that I faced during pregnancy and which you may have or will face:
1. Fear for the child.
This is an irrational fear that can be difficult to get rid of. He can sometimes, even, become intrusive. It can grow stronger after just once you lie down on conservation. I speak from my own experience, as I am an experienced walker to hospitals. Each time I got to the hospital, my fear increased. When I was in bed for the 4th time (not counting the day hospital), I did not want to be discharged from there. I was scared to go out into an uncontrolled environment, to be unattended by doctors. I was afraid for my child, and I had the illusion that the hospital gives me more security than home. I was scared to go home, and it was a nightmare.
2. Fear for yourself.
This fear is also pretty wild. I was afraid for my life, afraid of dying in childbirth or being crippled. Since I graduated from medical school, it was not at all necessary for me to read horror stories on the Internet. It was enough for me to remember the long-forgotten obstetrics. Unfortunately, studies at the medical university are mainly focused on pathology, because nothing needs to be done with the norm. That is why, thoughts about a ruptured uterus endlessly entered my head, and from time to time a phrase from the lecture sounded: "Obstetric bleeding is the most terrible bleeding of all possible." Further, I was afraid of postpartum psychosis, postpartum depression, and in general that I would go crazy. In general, from time to time I was scared.
3. Fear of the unknown.
I could not know how to give birth. What will happen to me? How will my life change? It's scary, because this process (childbirth) cannot be controlled. In the same way, then, in fact, it is impossible to monitor the health of the child. And in general, everything related to the schedule, regimen, sleep, food, shower, and actually BY BIRTH, it is not possible to control, and what will be unknown. It's really scary.
4. Shame.
Well, here, of course, you can deny, but there is no getting away from it. The shame of my body accompanied me quite often. +20 kg of weight made itself felt.
In addition, it was a shame that I am not as cool as some other mothers. After all, I don’t know 100,500 types of cribs, strollers, brands of clothing and 350 breathing techniques during childbirth, but they know. The desire to be “perfect” can only get worse. First the ideal pregnant woman and then the ideal mother. And this promises a rather unpleasant experience.
5. Fantasies and anxiety about what kind of mom I will be.
This is an addition to the previous point. The narcissistic part begins to play with various colors. Also, there is fear, it is corny to not cope - after all, I never breastfeed, I never changed diapers, or it is likely that everything will be different than with the previous child, this one is different, I coped with it, but how with this - God knows him.
6. Powerlessness and fear that it will never end.
Toxicosis, detachments, hematomas, edema, back, heartburn, insomnia, skin problems, etc. Nothing can be done with this. You just need to go through and wait it out. And when you vomit over the toilet, you cannot ride in transport, and your mother or friend says to you that: “Be patient a little more, it will be over soon, you have to be patient for only 12 weeks”, and you understand that now is the 18th week, and you are getting worse and worse, then it is very difficult to react adequately to such statements. Yes, and it is not necessary … otherwise there is a high probability that the pregnant brain will explode sooner or later.
7. Anger at everything and fatigue.
And it's not just hormones. This is simple, because not everything is as sweet as you want; everything is not like it was with a sister, or a mother, or a friend, or a neighbor; and because there is a constant feeling of discomfort that haunts. It is difficult to get along with him and he is very angry.
What helped me in this state, and how did I cope? What will help you cope and support you?
It is very important in such a state to try to find support, people who can support, in which you can be yourself. It can be a husband, one of the parents, a friend or maybe even a friend who can listen and, without giving advice, just sympathize. and be around. It is quite possible, and it will be even very good, if you, in addition to your loved ones, will be accompanied by a psychologist.
It is important not to be ashamed or ashamed to ask for this support. Those close to you are not "nostradamus", they cannot read thoughts, but they are quite capable of making a decision and taking responsibility for giving you this support or not.
It is also important and very useful to go to school for parents-to-be and to recreational activities for pregnant women and mothers. There, you can look for support among the same mothers, and try to clarify a little what awaits you during and after childbirth.
It will be very helpful if you join a therapeutic support group for pregnant women and young mothers. In it, you may have the opportunity to be heard and receive support without unnecessary tinsel.
And most importantly - feel yourself, listen to your feelings and experiences. It is quite possible and quite natural if the level of your sensitivity in some places has become dull (for example, the news that someone's grandfather has died does not cause you such strong experiences as it could have been before). In this case, there is no need to forcefully swing this level. Be yourself, cry - when you want, laugh - when you are in the mood, and get angry - if someone pisses you off.
Do what you want: if you are interested in embroidering with beads, and not studying brands of cribs, then embroider, and if you want to read a book about Harry Potter, and not a book on pediatrics and child development, then do not force yourself, but read Harry Potter.
And so, I propose to summarize.
You can be helped and supported by:
- Search for support and support (close people, psychologist).
- Feel free to ask for this very support (I highlight it as a separate item:)).
- Go to courses and recreational activities for pregnant women.
- Therapeutic support group for mothers and pregnant women.
- To feel and do what you want, and what you don’t want to do, do not do at all.
This, perhaps, is all.
Take care of yourself:).
Good mood, everyone who reads.
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