Tune In To The Child

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Mothers of young children, did you know that motherhood is not only about caring for a child, but also your personal development? The child grows and develops and you must develop with him. Meanwhile, often communicating with mothers, she began to notice a completely different tendency - the child is already ready to move on to the next step in his development, and his mother seems to not let him in and slows down.

For example, the baby is actively reaching for a spoon, and the mother stubbornly continues to feed him herself; a five-month-old baby sat down on his own, but he is again and again moved to a lying position and fastened with belts, literally immobilizing him; the child is already standing on his own and is ready to take his first steps, but the mother continues to lead him by both arms, not allowing him to feel the capabilities of his body; a one and a half year old child eats regular food with pleasure, but his mother is afraid to think about leaving him for half a day with his grandmother, exclaiming: "what if he wants to suck on his breast, but I won't!" And there are many more such examples.

That is, the mother, having mastered some kind of behavior algorithm, continues to follow it, regardless of the child's real needs. Rather - not noticing that her baby has already grown up. and his needs have changed.

Children grow up quickly. If at 1-2 months the baby is comfortable in a sling, feeling his mother's warmth and the smell of milk, then at six to seven months he already needs to get to know the world around him and spend a lot of time attached to his mother and even in her arms the baby is no longer comfortable - freedom movement contributes to more active development. If at four months it is important to put the baby to the breast 6 times per knock, then after a year for most children this is no longer necessary. Changes occur every month, while each baby also has its own individual characteristics.

The task of the parents is to encourage the child in his development. Give him the opportunity to go to the next level. Regularly reaches for a spoon - give the child a second spoon to try eating on his own - praise him for the slightest success! Tries to crawl - move the toy away, call the baby, encourage him to make more active movements. Stands without support - we slow down our pace, we lead the child with only one handle, allowing him to lean on his legs and keep balance - we praise him! It turns out to drink from a glass - we remove the bottle from circulation - we drink from a glass, etc.

It seems so natural! So why are so many moms now having such a hard time moving to a new stage? Speaking about the general tendency and omitting some individual personality traits, I can assume that the matter is in an overabundance of information. Today, any mother can easily find on the Internet many articles on correct development, which is categorically impossible, and what must be done. The forums are rife with tips and tricks. On the one hand, this is good, since to some extent it allows mom not to feel isolated. But on the other hand, all these recommendations, firstly, are of a general nature (that is, they represent some average parameters without individual reference to a specific child), and secondly, they form a fashionable image of the “right mother”, which young mothers are actively striving for. forgetting about the most important thing - about your child.

In other words, the excess of "authoritative" information does not allow a young mother to rely on her own feelings. She constantly verifies her actions with what is written, and not with what she sees and feels in a relationship with her own unique child. She does "the right thing", but not always the right way for her particular child.

This discrepancy may well lead to conflict. An active kid with the makings of a leader is likely to resist and demand his own. Unfortunately, he will not be able to say this, and therefore it will be expressed in whims, crying and throwing objects. The discrepancy between the child's behavior and expectations, in turn, will cause latent (or explicit) irritation of the mother. “She used to play well in the armchair while I was doing household chores, and now she gets angry and cries!” - a frequent complaint of the mother of a six-month-old baby. “He used to fall asleep while breastfeeding, but now he sucks a little and starts to get nervous, gets out of it all - I can't imagine how to put him to bed!”

In a child with a calmer character, the mother's behavior, which does not correspond to the natural phases of his development, can cause increased anxiety, fear of the world around him, and self-doubt. "I really want to, but since my mother says that I can't, then I really can't." Outwardly, this situation looks quite calm. But this is just the case when a baby, growing up, can "cling" to his mother for a long time, worrying and crying in her absence, and then, when the mother one day decides that he can already do something on his own, the child will be sincere do not understand what they want from him and whine plaintively.

In both cases, the situation will peak when the child enters the crisis for 2-3 years. This difficult period is much easier to go through when a strong contact is established between the parents and the child, when the parents are well aware of the reactions and needs of their child - true, and not written down in books. If this contact is not established, if the mother has not learned by this time to rely on her feelings and the needs of her child, if she has not learned to accept his characteristics and give him the right to be himself, the situation can become very critical.

Before moving on to specific recommendations, I will note once again: MOTHERHOOD is a changing process in which a mother grows (spiritually, psychologically) with her child. If you feel that your process has stalled somewhere, if you feel discomfort, irritation or confusion, do not be ashamed to contact a perinatal psychologist.

What else is important:

- When reading articles and books about newborns, remember that they are averages and data. Your baby may develop a little slower or a little faster, and your task is to be sensitive to his characteristics.

- While reading, pay attention not only to what should happen in this age period, but also to what preceded it, and most importantly, what will happen at the next stage. This will help you not to get hung up on one thing, quickly track changes in development and encourage the child's attempts to move to a new stage.

- Your child is a separate subject. Already at this early age, he has his own feelings, needs and desires, only accepting and understanding their possible full and high-quality interaction with the baby.

- To be a mother is not only to have certain skills and knowledge of caring for a child, but, first of all, to BE ATTENDED TO YOUR CHILD, to constantly feel and trust these feelings, that is, yourself.