Is It True That Parents Always Want The Best For Their Children?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

For some reason, someone once for some reason said that parents want good for their children. “All parents always want good for their children” - you can even hear that. And, in principle, it happens - sometimes. But there are more exceptions to the rule and caveats here than the rule itself. By the way, the words “all” and “always” should already alert you - because in themselves they are a sign of distortion.

Parents want good for their children. Within the framework of the picture of the world in which they (parents) exist. That is, if you are 25 years old, and your parents are 50 years old, then they want for you, most likely, what was relevant 40-30-20 years ago. Moreover, not even what is "good" in their understanding. And what was "good" in the understanding of those who raised them (in the Soviet Union they knew how to drive ideas into their heads, whatever one may say).

More details now.

The first moment is about the Soviet Union. Until the year 90, our society seemed to live according to the same rules (of the Soviet Union), and then switched to others (very quickly). That is, children born in the 80s and earlier were preparing for life in a completely different reality - not similar to the one that is now. And the change in habits and thinking does not happen very quickly. And many, many attitudes that our parents and ourselves (!) Live by, still come from the Soviet Union, he may rest in peace.

The second moment is about attitudes and beliefs. I started working with my beliefs in 2014 (this is part of the NLP Master course). And, of course, I got out of my head a lot of installations that are not at all from our time. Moreover. Not all rigs are easy to obtain, as many of them were set up very early. Consequently, many remain unconscious and a person lives with them, not knowing about them.

The third moment is about our time. We are lucky (or not lucky - how to look) to live in a time when everything changes insanely fast. Now, in a year, there can be as many changes as there have been in a century before. Now something that was relevant a year ago can lose its relevance. What can we say about the values of 20 years ago? Well, yes, 50 years ago, it was important for a girl to get married and have children, and also so that her husband did not drink. And 30 years ago it was important to get an apartment from the state. It was also important what people would say (if anyone has relatives from the village, they will understand). Who cares about it now, please tell me?

The fourth moment is about motives. Each person has their own ulterior motives, and they are often quite unsightly. Many parents (especially the post-war generation) are traumatized by their parents (who, after the war, had no time for parenting at all) and did not receive the childhood that a child should, in principle, have. Many of these parents deprived their children of childhood - because only an adult sane parent who is able to provide the emotional needs of a little man can provide a normal childhood for a child (which is not as easy as it seems at first glance). Maybe that is why now everyone around is developing, working for themselves, etc. So: in order to want good for their children, it would be nice for parents to first sort out their needs, including emotional ones.

The fifth point is about toxicity. With something, but with the observance of borders and respect for another person in the Union, things were bad. The habit of totally controlling everything, the habit of criticizing and paying attention only to what is bad (does everyone remember school notebooks crossed out with a red pen?), The habit of giving obsessive and unsolicited advice. Well, a lot of things. All this is carried by our parents, they lived in it, and they had no alternative. That is, I do not mean that you need to accuse them of something. They lived as best they could in the conditions that were. But it was: intimidation, criticism, devaluation, imposition and the like.

Finally, again about the motives. People have children for a variety of reasons. It so happened, for myself, so that there was someone to give a glass of water, so that there was something to live for. And in these motives, the child's happiness does not always come first. That is, parents want, for example, their daughter to get married and bring them grandchildren on weekends. But the question "will the daughter be happy from such a situation" is not always taken into account. Maybe it will, but maybe not. Why think about it? The main thing is that like people)

Parents want their children to be happy - within the framework of their picture of the world, which does not always coincide with the picture of the world of the child. Many parents give birth to children out of motives in which they do not even smell of love for the child, and they also wish him something there - also from their own picture of the world. Some even hate their children, and some consider the child their own. It can be different)

Parents are generally imperfect people. It seems to a small child that mom and dad are gods. But in fact, these are ordinary people with their own weaknesses, injuries, expectations, overshoots, and with everything in the world. And they want what they themselves consider "good." It is worth understanding this. And to distinguish your "good" from the "good" of someone else.

So, God forbid, not to follow the road of someone else's "good" - this will not bring happiness, unless it retains the semblance of comfort. Well, it will also allow you to remain faithful to the attitudes that have become obsolete a couple of decades ago. Do you need it?