2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
There are days when wounded pride separates us from the world, as if erecting an invisible wall between us and the life passing by us. The ego is trying to get our subjective sense of significance from the "bottom", where, at times, a coincidence and inadequate - as a rule, low - self-esteem instilled in childhood lead to it. The ego knows not so many mechanisms and relies on proven methods that parents used and unwittingly taught us. One of these "ways" is comparison and grade.
The ego can pull us out by selectively judging other people by their flaws and us by our merits. Usually, devaluing what surrounds us. We "rise" by lowering the significance of what surrounds us. In fact, it is a "muddy path" that can "poison" a person, make it toxic both for others and for herself, if carried away by devaluation. Nobody likes to admit this, but most people are familiar with the sometimes rolling desire to evaluate another, to devalue his achievements, saying, for example: "yes, this is a trifle," acquaintance / me / my friend "and so on. By the way, envy has the same roots, the only difference is that when we envy, the comparison for us is not in our favor. But the methods remain the same - comparison and evaluation.
Toxicity depreciation for the subject of depreciation also lies in the fact that, being carried away, it is not easy to get out of such a pattern of behavior without the help of a psychologist, and there is a serious risk of spending one's whole life in depreciating others, falsely "raising" oneself at the expense of biased, selective comparison with others … Perhaps you know people who spread gossip, say nasty things, consciously or unconsciously try to offend their arrogant "ha", "yes you …" or use more sophisticated ways of emotional sadism.
For people who have undergone or are undergoing devaluation, negative assessment, emotional sadism, the moments when they receive the necessary portion of love, attention and, most importantly, unconditional acceptance from a significant Other, that they tend to overestimate this Other, often endowing him with qualities that are not at all peculiar to him, as if raising his figure on a "pedestal". Naturally, this does not solve the basic problem with self-esteem, but only transfers the external locus of control and evaluation (which did not belong to the subject of depreciation before) to the Other, assigning the role of “responsible for happiness” to non-parents, as, for example, before, in childhood, but this Other. Significance The other grows in proportion to the expectations. Now he is the guarantor of happiness, or, more precisely, the cause of the increased sense of self-worth. Which of course does not equal ability internal adequate assessment the subject of himself and his actions.
Undoubtedly, the love and acceptance received from the Other gives confidence in their own strengths and for some time returns a sense of self-worth to people with low self-esteem, which in ordinary times is so fickle and fragile. They again feel unity with the world around them, a kind of fusion with it, which is characteristic of the feeling adopting as such Finally, there comes inner harmony. But - only for a while …
Of course, in order to come to a stable, permanent state of harmony with the outside world and your I, you need to go through more than one session with a psychologist, where the very atmosphere of unconditional positive acceptance, empathic listening and congruent self-expression in dialogue works for the client, where exercises are worked out in tandem with the psychologist on the strengthening self-esteem client and building an adequate internal scale for assessing oneself and others on the basis of an organismic, bodily feeling. In the session, we put emphasis on strengthening personal boundaries, we learn to recognize our authentic desires and be guided by them in difficult moments of personal choice.
Such a multilateral work seems to me as a practicing consultant one of the most effective ways to develop an internal mechanism of counteraction. depreciating behavior and the formation of internal independence.
If you want and are ready to work on the topic covered in the article, write to me in Watsap:
8 905 527 09 33.
I will be glad to help you understand yourself.
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