The Line Between Psychotherapy And Idle Chatter

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Many articles have been written on how to choose the right psychologist. Good articles, with valuable recommendations, with selection criteria.

And now, let's say, all the criteria are met and everything is fine. And the education of a specialist, and the number of his personal hours in psychotherapy, and membership in the professional community, and the paradigm in which he works, and the resume, and the promotional video, and articles, and customer reviews, and the price, and age, and gender, and appearance, and the manner of communication, etc. etc. and so on. The choice has been made.

How now to understand if what is happening in the sessions themselves is correct * … People who have recently turned to a psychologist and do not have a rich client experience are no less worried about this.

I will try to answer some of the questions asked in the open Internet by one of these novice clients. A person, apparently, quite savvy, since these questions could well have been asked by a novice specialist.

What if the client is a super-rationalizer and manipulator, and at the reception with a psychologist is furiously eager to voice his endless theories and explanations of his own and other people's behavior? (from personal experience)

There is no single answer here. Depending on the circumstances.

There are times when a person needs to speak out. And until this happens (sometimes it takes several sessions), the psychologist simply has nowhere to insert his word. Yes, this is not necessary. The client's need at this stage of interaction is simply to be listened to and accepted. No assessments, no hypotheses, no own interpretations … This stage, no matter how long it lasts, ends sooner or later. And the psychologist takes the floor.

If the product of the torrent is not the client's personal story, not his accumulated problems and feelings, but precisely attempts to rationalize and / or manipulate (or any other way of interaction in a relationship that is familiar to him), which are repeated over and over again, then it is completely harmless for the psychologist to ask client, what is it about for him. Of course, without making any diagnoses and without making any judgments like "uh, yes, my friend, you are a manipulator, as I see it." Just ask why it is so important to talk about this now. What the client wants the psychologist to understand about him when he tells him this and that. Or when he shares certain conclusions.

I usually check with the client's request to see if what's happening now is helping to get closer to the expected result. If so, how exactly. If not, then why is it now important not to move towards the intended goal, but to spend time on something else. What else is valuable for the client.

I think when this doubt arises (that therapy becomes like idle chatter), it is very important to find out with a psychologist. Alas, this is what the client often finds difficult to do.

In my practice, I try to check with the client more often about how he relates to what is happening, what was useful for him in today's session, and whether there was something useful, what are his current expectations from working with me, was there anything today, what he wanted to talk about, but what was left outside the session.

If there is an expectation that the psychologist will do something to change the client, and he himself only needs to be present at the same time, we also discuss this. We discuss the format of work, the personal contribution of each to this work and to the expected result. I talk about what I can do and what I expect from the client. Borders are very important here.

The psychologist always follows the client * … FOR his needs, according to his client's request. This is the customer journey. The psychologist only helps him to walk this path. In metaphorical terms, she shines a flashlight for him. And in this sense - yes, the psychologist takes control of what happens in the psychotherapy session. So that the client does not wander in the dark.

The responsibility of the client here is to bring material for work, himself, his feelings, his thoughts. Think over what is happening in the sessions, rethink something, make new decisions for yourself, which it considers appropriate. Learn new ways to interact in a relationship. That is, go your own way.

The psychologist's responsibility is to be able to work with the client's material (this implies skills and techniques), to unconditionally accept the client and his value system (this is the basis of everything), to give warmth and strength, to be stable, able to withstand the strongest client feelings, to monitor his own psychological hygiene, to provide safety and environmental friendliness. That is, to be near and shine a flashlight).

Of course, in order for all this to happen, a well-formulated client request is needed. Target. This is where the client wants to go as a result of therapy. So that both the client and the psychologist understand in which direction to move, and as they progress, they have the opportunity to check whether they have deviated from the chosen course.

But it happens that people turn to a psychologist in a state when they feel so bad that they simply cannot formulate anything more specific, except “I feel bad, make me feel better”. And that's okay. This is most often what the primary request looks like.

And then the psychologist carefully, at the pace that suits the client (for each he will have his own), finds out how it looks "bad", what is "bad" with a person, how the person ended up in him. And how it might look "better" or "good" for him. And gradually, step by step, the request becomes more and more clear-cut.

Then the psychologist and the client together figure out how to get from the “bad” point to the “good” point. What are the ways you can get to this "good".

This does not mean at all that the once voiced request remains unchanged in time. As you move along your path, a person changes. Not the person himself, of course, but something changes in him. And, as a natural consequence of such changes, his request changes too. This is also why it is so important to check the request as you progress in therapy.

This is not all that distinguishes work in psychotherapy from "idle chatter". These are just a few guidelines to keep in mind when the format of psychotherapy is completely unfamiliar. Or when the acquaintance is very superficial. Or when the acquaintance is deeper, but only theoretical.

Important: as soon as there are doubts as to whether the therapy process is going on, it is best to discuss these doubts with a psychologist. Clarify. Get answers to questions arising in the process of collaboration. These questions are quite pertinent and worthy of careful consideration.

I wish every client to meet their own psychologist.

And let this meeting take place.

* The article deals with non-directive methods of psychotherapy.