2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Clients often come to me with the fact that they want to feel more confident.
Or in order to want to be able to say "no".
Or in order to want to learn how to stand up for themselves.
Or they have some symptom: allergies, panic attacks, high blood pressure.
Or with the fact that everything is bad in their relationship, but they cannot change anything in them and cannot get out of them.
And the most important topic with which it is important to start working is to help clients learn to notice their emotions, distinguish them, understand what they are talking about.
Understand the needs behind each experience.
And look for ways how these needs could be met.
Emotions and feelings tell us about a stopped action.
And then it is important to find out what kind of action was stopped and how it could be finished.
Those. emotions and feelings contain a charge of energy that is released to satisfy the need behind them.
But if the emotion or feeling is not recognized, it is not distinguishable, because the client is in merging with his own experiences or with the experiences of other people.
Either these emotions are repressed or denied by the client, then this energy is directed to the person himself.
This is how any symptom is formed - headache, stomach, muscle and other symptoms.
The child learns to understand his emotions from his parents.
But, unfortunately, not many parents own it themselves.
And therefore, not everyone can teach this to their children.
Therefore, as adults, it is important to fill this gap.
Why is it important for us to be able to understand our emotions?
To be able to hear yourself, trust yourself and rely on your understanding of yourself.
Emotions allow us to navigate where I'm going.
Whether I do what is important to me, what I would like.
Or I have moved away from my path, from my desires and goals.
And I do not go my own way, but the way of someone else.
And I do not fulfill my desires, but someone else.
And I'm not living the life that I would like.
It is not an easy job to understand your emotions.
We are generally not accustomed to noticing our emotions.
Are not accustomed to distinguish between them.
They are not accustomed to understand them.
And in order to learn this, it is important to move in small steps, regularly doing something to master these skills of self-regulation.
The better a person begins to hear himself and understand, the easier it becomes for him to understand other people.
And the easier it turns out for him to build relationships with them in such a way that would satisfy him.
Therefore, the first step that you can start doing on your own is to observe your condition, notice your emotions, and name them.
The next step, when you master this skill over time, you can observe what situations and people you associate this or that emotion / feeling with.
Then it is important to ask yourself, “How do I make sense of this? What does all this mean to me?"
The next question to help you understand your needs: "What would I like in this situation?"
Thus, we find the need.
Now it remains to find a way in which we can satisfy her.
Therefore, the next question is: “What can I do for this? What small step, which I can do, I can take for this?.
Here, as in the previous questions, difficulties may arise.
We may have some beliefs that prevent us from taking this step.
Or we have some fears and concerns that the other person may understand and react in a completely different way than we would like.
Maybe our beliefs and fears help us.
But maybe these beliefs and fears were once useful to us, but now they can greatly interfere with getting what we want.
Then it is important to find these beliefs and fears to check how useful they are in our life today.
In addition, we may not see the ways to satisfy the need.
Or the methods that we know and use do not lead us to the desired result.
Or the form in which we intend to satisfy the need may not be suitable.
For example, a girl wants attention from her boyfriend.
And not getting it, she gets angry.
And expresses anger, making claims and accusing the partner of carelessness.
And instead of getting his benevolent attention, she gets him hit back on her.
Or that he is moving away from her.
Those. even if the need is detected correctly and a step is taken to satisfy it, then this step turns out to be ineffective, it does not bring the desired satisfaction.
Then it is important to look for such a method, such a form that would give the desired result.
So, if anger was recognized, and the need for attention behind it, then it would be good to look for an appeal in what form would help the girl to satisfy her need.
For example, you could say the following: “When you don’t pay attention to me, don’t tell me that you like me, then it makes me feel bad. Your attention is important to me. If you like me, then I will be pleased if you can tell me about it from time to time, when you notice it. It is not a fact, of course, that a young man will immediately begin to do as the girl asks. But the girl has a chance to be heard and start getting attention. When she makes claims and accusations, then the chance to be heard generally tends to zero.
Thus, analyzing our emotions helps us understand our needs and find ways to satisfy them.
Next, we take actions to satisfy these needs.
And it is very important to take small steps.
Trying to see if this action is appropriate for satisfying this need or not? We did it, listened to ourselves.
We saw the reaction of another.
Digested this experience.
What happened as a result?
Are we happy with this or is it important to try something differently?
And if it is difficult to go through this path on your own, psychologists help with this.
And when you master these skills together with a psychologist, then you can further develop them on your own.
And thus, it is better to understand yourself, to try to say “no” to what does not suit you, with which you disagree.
Or be able to stand up for yourself and feel great respect for yourself in this regard.
And to feel pride in the fact that it turned out to be mastered and realized in your life.
And then the symptom does not need to be in your life, because you have learned to satisfy your needs directly, and not through the symptom.
I wish you the best of luck on this exciting and interesting journey of knowing yourself!
And if you need help, I will be glad to help you with this!
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