Why Work Through Your Childhood Traumas Or A Family Story

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I will answer right away: because we destroy our children with our unworked traumas. Our injuries prevent us from seeing our children as real. We see them through our pain. We do not leave them a chance to be different …

An ordinary woman of about forty, an ordinary daughter of about twenty. And somehow everything seems to be fine, everything is like everyone else's. But the relationship between mom and daughter can hardly be called warm. The daughter complains that she lacked maternal love, protection, support. Mother - that her daughter does not need anyone, that she has no attachment to anyone, and does not give a damn about everyone. But in general, ordinary communication … Like many.

It all began many years ago. Even when my mother was a child herself. She grew up in a family where her mother could not show her love for her, all her childhood she lived feeling rejected. First from mother, then from stepfather, from friends, from mother-in-law and father-in-law, husband. I got in the way and nobody needed it.

Now she is a mother herself. And it finally seems to her that there is someone who loves her, who needs her …

Sunny day, wonderful weather. On a walk with a child of one and a half to two years, we met a good friend - a kind-hearted person. And the child, seeing a friend who always smiles at him, with whom she plays, ran to her, wanted to play with his aunt and did not want to go to his mother later. I wanted to continue playing.

An uninjured person will perceive this situation as normal. And, perhaps, taking the opportunity, he will sit down to rest, while someone has occupied his restless child.

But how did the traumatized mother feel at that moment? Her inner little girl came to life again, she was rejected again. "I am not needed", "She does not love me", "Strangers are more valuable to my child than me", "I am bad." And if no one was around, no one was looking, then most likely she would have burst into tears. She shrank into a ball and cried bitterly …

From this state, the mother is no longer able to understand that a child at this age is not able to maintain attachment to two people at the same time, that a well-known aunt is like a new toy that attracts attention, with which I want to play.

From this state, the mother rejects her child in response to her "rejection". And then she educates her not from the state of love, but from the state of "must".

“Even then I realized that I needed to give birth to a second child,” the mother summed up in a conversation, meaning that nothing happened with the first one …

And how would it have happened? The daughter simply did not have a chance. From such a young age, she was also rejected, deprived of warmth and acceptance.

Ridiculous and stupid ?, - you say. How can that be? - ask.

Yes. This is how they are, our injuries. And believe me, you have them too. And many of you, like this mother, will never understand the reason for one or another of your actions. Unfortunately.