2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Sometimes events occur in our life that negatively affect our condition, our relationships with others, and the very quality of life. Quite often, analyzing the reasons for what happened, we come to the conclusion that we ourselves are responsible for what happened. However, responsibility often replaces blame. At the same time, as a rule, catastrophic significance is attached to the consequences.
You begin to blame yourself, and your negative attitude towards yourself does not end there. There is a certainty that you should be punished for your mistake. After making such a decision, it is the turn of actions. In the mildest form, you scold yourself with the last words, reproach yourself. It seems to you that if you punish yourself enough, it will become easier. And also, you think that swearing and accusing yourself will allow you to better remember how you should not act. You have to endure your experience.
You begin to perceive what happened with distortions. You no longer see your actions as a mistake, but as a crime. And the crime must be followed by punishment (we were taught this in childhood). This is how guilt works. And until the punishment is received, it seems like there is no way to forgive yourself. But this approach is extremely destructive for you. You cannot or it is very difficult for you to forgive yourself. Until you forgive yourself, you are not able to get at least some pleasure.
When a person ceases to experience pleasure in life, then his inner state deteriorates greatly. Self-esteem begins to decline, followed by a loss of confidence. In some cases, a fear of activity may arise. In other words, a person stops doing at least something, believing that he can only do badly for himself.
The ability to forgive oneself is necessary for a person. Such high demands and a prohibition on making mistakes are based on the belief that everything in life should be ideal (human actions), plus people often prefer to be guided by expectations rather than forecasts.
But, after all, ideal people do not exist, none of us have universal rules on how to always act correctly. Moreover, under certain conditions, even an act or action that led to an undesirable result was actually very useful, since it prevented, possibly, even more negative consequences. The same principle of good in bad. Indeed, if desired, in any practically negative event, you can see positive consequences. You just need to want to do it.
And he treats an error more useful precisely as an error, and not as a crime. And here it is possible to master a new belief that: "I am not perfect, but I am a living person and deserve my happiness." Forgiving yourself always requires inner support. And it largely depends on how much a person has and developed contact with himself. How honest he can be with himself, accept himself, understand his desires and needs.
Forgiving yourself does not deny experience at all. After all, any of us understands that actions that caused inconvenience or pain should not be repeated. But, it is important to understand that the ability to forgive oneself means that a person has reached emotional maturity, and this is a very important stage in our development.
Live with joy! Anton Chernykh.
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