How To Deal With Irresponsible People?

Video: How To Deal With Irresponsible People?

Video: How To Deal With Irresponsible People?
Video: How Can I Deal with Stresses from Seeing Irresponsible People? Ven. Pomnyun’s Dharma Q&A 2024, March
How To Deal With Irresponsible People?
How To Deal With Irresponsible People?
Anonim

What's wrong with being childish? How to behave with an adult who constantly takes the position of a child? The person “I'm small” is in such a position, he wants to shift all responsibility from himself onto someone else's shoulders, but how should the rest of us behave towards him? For example, this is a colleague, and he dumps his responsibilities on others, or it is a parent who imposes on children an adult role and caring for himself all his life.

So what's wrong with being childish? People around them will feel uncomfortable being around such people, and they will also be extremely uncomfortable - a subtle feeling of guilt, shame, lack of fulfillment, degradation, a feeling of loss of self-esteem. However, in fact, the latter never happened - a person in adulthood, without accepting responsibility, cannot feel respect for themselves. He can broadcast it in every possible way, show it, exaggerate, show some arrogance, but inside himself he does not feel respect at all. Moreover, such people, as a rule, do not get everything they want from life (they have many more desires). Conventionally, they can provide for themselves, but this will be minimal - there are an order of magnitude more needs (because of this, self-esteem is also underestimated).

How to behave around an infantile person - with a colleague or a parent? In the first case, you should not take on his responsibilities. If your company does not have job descriptions, refer to the management and ask them to draw up a job description for you or prescribe what exactly you are responsible for (“I don’t understand this question. It seems to me that my responsibility is here and here, but my colleague says the opposite. I don't understand, should I do this? Am I doing this work for someone or is this my area of responsibility? ). Do not take on responsibilities that you have not been assigned or prescribed - you do not get paid for them, this is not your social role.

Let me give you a simple personal example. If one of my friends said that he is bored, and I am not doing anything, I would not answer. Why? This is not my responsibility! Entertain yourself, and I, as a friend, do not have to do it. If we feel good together, this is great, but if not, what complaints can there be? This means that we have different views on the world, values and understanding of what "fun" is. But no one and no one is obliged to entertain. Yes, I can do it if I want to, if we agree, if we both have fun, and I also get some benefit from it. Remember, adult relationships are built on the principle - "I am for you, you are for me." There can be no other option, there is no unconditional love in adulthood. And in the context of the problem, it is important for you to clearly understand your place - you are not obliged to anyone and nothing for nothing!

There is an interesting point about parents. Here are poor children - they had to grow up with their parents who took an infantile position, do not solve anything, and even throw their problems onto them, make them deal with some family difficulties. As a rule, such people in psychology are called "adult child", they are very adult and serious in life, but they should be feared. These are individuals with a weak, small and vulnerable Ego, accustomed to decide everything for everyone, but deep in their souls dreaming that someone would decide something for them. This point is often found out in psychotherapy, the person himself is hardly aware of such a situation. Having matured, he will do everything for his colleagues at work, help the boss, stay at the workplace until 20-22 pm (after all, the boss asked about this, and the rest does not matter!). It is difficult for such a person to refuse adult authoritarian people who occupy a vertical position (older in age or higher position).

What if your parents have already matured, but are still trying to make you the guilty one, responsible for their life, forced to look after them? Remember - you don't owe them anything! In a good way, parents understand that they give life to their children for their sake, but not for themselves. If the decision to have a child was made for themselves, this is their problem. You can help if you want to, and your conscience is already choking you (you understand - it will be worse if you do not help). In such cases, it is better to adhere to the principle - it is better to have already done than to suffer. However, at the same time, you need to understand that you are doing a favor to your parents, and not they are doing you (often the situation turns upside down - as if, on the contrary, you owe you). This is a favor, but not a duty, and the parents should have thought about how their old age will develop. A person decides for himself how to live and how to die. That is why you need to talk about it as often as possible - no one has the right to use your life.

Currently, the law of hierarchy according to B. Hellinger is gaining popularity. This order is quite logical, and it is difficult to disagree with it. What does it look like? Imagine a picture that depicts you and your partner (this is the "always near" position), your parents should be behind you, his parents - behind him, respectively (your parents' parents behind them - and so on). And everyone is looking at you - this is the support of the clan. And you, in turn, look forward to your future. When your parents demand self-care, you actually turn around, and you no longer have your life and future.

How does the flow of love work? From your grandmother to mom, from mom to you (or from grandfather to dad and also mom) - from the older generation to the younger generation. How can you thank your parents for what they gave you? How can you bring them back to life? No way! You can only give life to the next person or project (develop in the direction you want). This is the only way the flow of love works. If you turn back and at the same time you have children, they will suffer, because the flow of love will be interrupted at this place. That is why many people born in the 80s and 90s cannot arrange their lives, have children (or they do not want children at all) - their flow of love was interrupted even from grandmother to mother (or earlier). In other words, my mother was busy with her mother, and her mother was busy with hers, having spent her life only for this.

This does not mean at all that you need to forget about your parents, block your phone, etc. Learn yourself and teach them not to manipulate you - your life belongs exclusively to you, and only you can control it. Parents depend on you and should ask, not demand - at the very least, there should be respect.

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