7 Family Mistakes When Someone Has A Mental Disorder In The Family

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Video: 7 Family Mistakes When Someone Has A Mental Disorder In The Family

Video: 7 Family Mistakes When Someone Has A Mental Disorder In The Family
Video: When mental illness enters the family | Dr. Lloyd Sederer | TEDxAlbany 2024, March
7 Family Mistakes When Someone Has A Mental Disorder In The Family
7 Family Mistakes When Someone Has A Mental Disorder In The Family
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Why the topic of mental disorder is hot and taboo

The mental illness of relatives is a taboo topic. For some reason they talk and write about anything - about sex, violence, money, meanness, secret desires - and on this topic you rarely find anything.

The 21st century is the century of mental illness - schizophrenia, depression, personality disorder, borderline states, psychopathy and so on. According to the WHO, every fourth person in the world has a mental or behavioral disorder in the 21st century.

The psyche, overloaded with all sorts of accumulated mental trauma - rejection, betrayal, violence, delayed grief, hard fate - refuses to withstand the stresses of modern life. A hundred years ago, generations were mentally resilient and resourceful, but even resources have an expiration date.

Until some time, there is strength, psychological defenses work, a person lives like everyone else, convinces himself that his heart does not hurt and his soul does not hurt, that he has forgiven everyone, but does not remember evil. And then a small event - a secondary conflict, excitement, experience - and everything that has been held for decades inside the person himself or at the level of generations - begins to descend as an avalanche. Powerful, formidable, dangerous. And the man looks at her as if spellbound. If he still had a resource, at least to call for help, he would call. If he had the strength to escape the avalanche, he would run. But there is no more strength and resource.

The avalanche is covering. And then another life begins. She's neither good nor bad. She's outrageous. A person lives as if on the border of the worlds - real and his inner, which, like a stained-glass window, breaks up into thousands of worlds.

And in this borderline life - he becomes different, not the way he was known or remembered, loved or expected. He's different forever. Because when an avalanche descends, the one on whom it walked is forever different.

There is a crack between him and his relatives - he and they are on different sides of the world - and the more relatives get confused, make wrong actions and choices, try their best to pull him over to their side of adequacy and stability, the sooner the crack diverges and expands, turning into the abyss - and then everything can perish in it.

7 Family Mistakes When Someone Has a Mental Disorder in the Family

We live in a world in which the topic of "mental illness" causes a sharp and controversial reaction in many. It is because of her that the situation is only aggravated, and many people with a mental disorder simply cannot receive adequate medical care, are left alone with their serious condition and every day lose the chance of remission. Relatives also find themselves in a difficult situation because:

The whole family is overwhelmed with shame. Even children are forbidden to talk or share with someone about what is happening with their grandmother or uncle or aunt. Inside, there is a growing prohibition to ask for support or ask for help or advice

What is happening in the family becomes a secret that cannot be taken out of the apartment. The family seems to be clogged up in a difficult psychological atmosphere. For many children, this adult decision becomes the starting point for a neurosis with which they can live for decades. Continuing to keep within oneself the prohibition of the "boundaries of the apartment"

Avoiding talking and thinking about what is happening. If you persist in pretending that nothing is happening, you begin to think “maybe it seems to me”, “what if it’s been imagined,” “this just cannot be with us,” and so on. It is a heavy burden that breeds strife and conflict

Ignore everything that happens to an unhealthy relative and with oneself, constantly suggest to oneself “it seemed”. Feelings, states, experiences - all this lives by itself, even in a healthy person, this can trigger the process of splitting the psyche

Suppress anger, try to control it, but stubbornly keep a secret about what is happening in the family. Thus, the ability to ask for help for oneself, and even more so for an unhealthy relative, is lost

Guilt for fixing something. For example, to fulfill all the whims of an unhealthy person, to allow oneself to be manipulated and to violate one's boundaries, to promise him that everything will remain a secret, to engage in daily rescue, instead of asking for qualified help from a specialist

The fear of asking for qualified help, because something else may open up, come out into the light. For example, the patient's condition is irreversible, long hospitalization is required, and so on

Which of these 7 mistakes resonates with you? What's familiar? What mistakes did you see on this list?

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