2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Everyone comes to an appointment with a psychologist with their own problem. They are all different. Someone quarrels with his wife, someone cannot get married, someone does not understand the son of a teenager, someone has panic attacks, another has psychosomatics or hypochondria. The problems are different, the paths are different, and the result should be the same. It is not known where each individual story will go and in what way, we only know what the client should receive in the end - a state of happiness. Sometimes the original request is passed away as less important and gives way to something deeper and more complex. Sometimes what led to the first meeting is not even decided in the end, and the work is done with something completely different. And sometimes after a long time working with some question, the client suddenly gets an answer … to a completely different one. Anything can happen. The main thing is when he feels ready to go out the door and cope with all his problems himself, when he feels that he has received the main thing - a feeling of happiness. For some, this is acceptance of oneself for who he is. And for some it is acceptance of others. For some, getting rid of obsessive thoughts, but for someone just the ability to relax and not wind up. And for someone it is a feeling of self-confidence. But the result is the same - this new thing in life gives a person a feeling of comfort and happiness.
What is the use of solving a problem for the sake of a solution if it did not bring any qualitative changes in life?
One main and common request of all people - I am unhappy. Only the words are selected differently and the reasons are individual.
So what's the problem with being happy? After all, it happens that the problems are solved, and sometimes they were not originally there - and such a simple result does not come. Or a person with wings left, and then comes again and everything starts from the beginning. What's going on?
In childhood, we all see dozens of patterns of behavior - parents, relatives, friends, educators, teachers, neighbors, just acquaintances. Some models don't leave much of a mark, others become the basis of our own models, and some become models of what we don't want to do. And is there among all these models - a model of behavior of a happy person? How many people can boast that among the significant adults around them in childhood was a person who considered (felt and behaved accordingly) himself happy?
Maybe the problem is somewhere else earlier?
Where do the earliest models come from? Here are the games for kids - princess girls, dragon fighting boys, and so on and so forth. Fairy tales! All those stories, cartoons, films, books that surround the smallest.
Only now is a generation growing up, brought up, among other things, on stories that were written by specialized specialists - children's writers, psychologists. What happened before that? All generations 25+ grew up on the classics - folk tales and adapted (softened) versions of these tales.
And even with careful retouching of the fabulous cruelty, it remains in our "good tales" in abundance. But the worst thing is not even that. What happens in each fairy tale, regardless of its plot? Here is the plot, the development of the plot, the climax - everything is bad, bad, bad. The princess is being stolen by a dragon, her stepmother is poisoning, everyone who is not lazy is offended. The prince wanders somewhere, suffers, fights, suffers again, sometimes even dies and is resurrected. People are turned into animals, placed in glass coffins and forced to tear nettles with their bare hands … In general, there is a continuous darkness and horror. And here is the denouement - victory! Evil is punished, the princess is free, the wedding and all that. And what do we see after that? "And they lived happily ever after!"
Yes, just like that … One hundred pages of horror and one phrase at the end … A very thorough description of the ordeal of poor Cinderella in all details and then this - "and they lived happily ever after." And how is it - happy ?? How long is it? Not a single happy day is described in fairy tales! Only this one phrase. Where can a child find a model for the behavior of someone who is happy? He has before his eyes only characters suffering "in the name". And there are many adults brought up on the same fairy tales.
Not only does it form the confidence that just like that, without pain, humiliation and suffering - you do not seem to have the right to happiness, it is still not clear - but what do you get in the end? What is happiness like? How to feel it? What to do? What do they eat it with?
Moreover, there is a subconscious fear. Indeed, on the phrase "and they lived happily ever after" the tale … ends. That is, it seems like if you suddenly happen to be happy - that's it! End of story. The end. There is NOTHING further. And who wants to go there? Yes, nobody.
People do not know how to feel happiness, do not understand it, do not feel the need for it. And only some vague "something is wrong in life." But in fact, most of the requests are very paraphrased - teach me to be happy. But at the same time, everyone lives in a set, development, culmination. Nobody wants to voluntarily end up in the epilogue.
To do this, you first need to rewrite your tale. Teach Cinderella to be a princess, to walk evenly and not to break down for a broom and a rag, as soon as a glass accidentally turned over on the royal table. To see how Snow White became by the age of forty, what the mirror tells her and how her husband-king looks at her. Attend a huge feast where all 12 brothers and their families celebrate Eliza's birthday. And much more. There should be plenty of room for happiness in a fairy tale. And if this was not taught in childhood, then you will have to learn now.
Happiness is not a single phrase or the end of a story. This is just the beginning!
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