Are Emotions Bad?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

In psychotherapy, a lot of attention is paid to emotions, the client is practicing in time to notice, be aware, differentiate emotions and how they manifest in the body.

Because of this, there is such a stereotype when, at the word "psychotherapy", we imagine a crying client and think that going to a psychologist is scary and unpleasant. This is logical to assume, given that our society has a habit of evaluating emotions as good and bad, desirable and undesirable. It is also logical to assume if you are used to experiencing a lot of shame, anxiety, sadness, anger in your life and experiencing these emotions is painful for you.

At the heart of this logic is cognitive bias, according to which we rate emotions as good or bad. And then it may seem that, in order to get rid of unpleasant experiences, you need to stop paying attention to those emotions that we are used to evaluating as negative. However, this approach is always doomed to failure. Because in fact, all emotions are useful and exist so that we can navigate the situation.

For example, fear will tell us that it's best not to get too close to a steep cliff. Disgust will tell you that it is better not to eat fish with a smell to avoid poisoning. Anger will tell you that the driver who cut us off violated our borders and created a threat. Shame will tell you that we should not yell at random passers-by if we are very angry with the driver from the example above. That is, emotions are markers, a hint and a guideline about what is happening and what is our attitude to what is happening.

But why then can we experience emotions as painful?

The form of dealing with emotions can be painful - the way in which we cope with emotions and the way we express them.

Take, for example, anger and the way it is expressed.

Which of the following do you think is an expression of anger?

1) Hit the person

2) Tell the person "I want to hit you"

3) Tell the person "I'm mad at you"

4) Tell the person "when you do this, I'm angry. Don't do this to me"

All these examples are expressions of anger - the only difference is in the form - in the way of expression. So, the expression of anger, as in the first version, through assault is destructive. And the expression of anger in the form of the fourth option allows you to negotiate with your partner. All these forms will lead to different results, all these forms are appropriate and inappropriate in different situations - but the emotion is the same. When you notice an emotion, you have the ability to choose a shape.

In addition to the way of expressing, there is also a form of living emotions - how we cope with them. Using anger as an example, this can be a process when anger, for various reasons, does not find its expression outside, and a person turns against himself. This can be accidental or deliberate injury, self-harm, galling, alcohol, and so on. This is a sure sign that we are ignoring something important and misdirecting anger. Finding your emotions makes it possible to rebuild this process.

It is worth saying that there is another pitfall associated with evaluating emotions. A person can really learn to ignore his emotions in consciousness, only, given their natural nature, this cannot be done only for emotions that are assessed as negative - all pleasant emotions cease to be recognized. That is, neurotransmitters and hormones continue their work, we feel something, but do not understand what. From that we lose the ability to somehow regulate our mood.

What's the good news? The fact is that, although we cannot control the emotions arising from certain stimuli (in terms of whether we feel anxiety or pleasure on the edge of the abyss), we can definitely regulate our behavior, including in order to feel good: to leave places where it is unpleasant, to surround yourself with what pleases. Express emotions in a way that facilitates communication with others, rather than destructive. And this is where our emotions are - any, irreplaceable reference point.