6 Consequences Of Not Knowing How To Ask For Help

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Many people make it difficult for themselves by not being able to ask for help. They do not have enough resources of their own, it is difficult to admit this fact, and, nevertheless, they do not ask for help from others. Why? Such a request, in their opinion, humiliates, makes a person vulnerable, owes someone. What are the consequences of not knowing how to ask for help and not doing it?

1. The most offensive, difficult, painful, hard and terrible thing is depression. What does this mean? How is it related? When we ask other people for help, it says that we have a pretty good social circle, we have established contacts and connections, there is some kind of relationship. In addition, a request for help may not always be material (“Give me money,” “Help me find a job,” etc.). Perhaps we are talking about emotional help - “Talk to me!”, “Stay close!”, “Go somewhere with me for a walk!”. If a person cannot involve emotional help and support in his life, sooner or later he will expose himself to depression. If you did not ask today, you do not necessarily have depression tomorrow, this is one of the possible, but most powerful consequences. Typically, people who are depressed have a very small social circle. Depression is associated with the fact that some of the feelings are not experienced, are not experienced by a person, do not leave the body. In fact, most often this is aggression directed at oneself, respectively, inside a person eats himself. In contact, we express our thoughts, hear the response of the interlocutor - as a result, it becomes easy and free. And it is not necessary to speak aggressively - inside we feel the need for people (this can be expressed in different ways), and everyone, without exception, has it, because we are social beings.

Here I want to tell you about my definition of aggression. Any approach to another person is already aggression. Accordingly, as long as we are socialized, we communicate with other people, our aggression does not look aggressive, it is just a rapprochement. However, the more we limit ourselves in contacts, the stronger becomes aggression towards others, in general, towards the world, towards objects of attachment, and all this negative is directed inward.

1. Feeling lonely and abandoned, feeling melancholy. The person does not feel connected to anyone. Asking for help is not only functional but also emotional. We do not ask on the street for the help of a stranger whom we saw for the first time. We are asking for help from someone close enough to us. And the bond that binds us when we ask each other for help, a little consoles our feeling of longing, abandonment, some kind of existential feeling of loneliness (in the sense that we come into the world alone and leave alone, no one cares about our pain, no one will be near this pain, no one can comfort us every minute). In reality, this is some kind of deep and adult feeling of loneliness. One way or another, people find themselves in a crisis and feel it throughout their lives (a person who has lived to 40 years old has felt this way at least once). The existential feeling of loneliness is quite a philosophical concept and is not associated with pain (everyone left me!) - there is a circle of friends, but I am still on my own.
2. Vulnerability and fear of the future. If I lose my job, I am alone; if my money is stolen, I am alone; if my house burns down, I am alone. A person who is psychologically arranged not to ask for help (this is shameful and hurts me, I will owe something or feel guilty before the person), closes himself from other people, and, accordingly, in moments of disaster and crisis in life, he will really be alone. And this feeling is especially terrible - suddenly something will happen in my life! As a rule, such people are more anxious.

3. Feeling tired - you have to do everything in life yourself. As a rule, there is also an emotional load inside. It overlaps a little with depression, it's just that the fatigue is not on the same level as depression. A person can often be subject to burnout, chronic fatigue, procrastination, and laziness. The resource of one person is not enough to cope with his life on his own. Life is constantly throwing us different things, and it is quite normal not to cope periodically. However, the one who does not ask for help simply withdraws into himself, and it becomes even worse for him.
5. Low self-esteem. All of them are handsome, they do everything in life, but I am nobody, nothing comes of it. All this happens due to some kind of retroflexivity of the psyche, a person directs everything towards himself. There is even a little more egotism here. This also enters into retroflexivity, but in a different form. Everything is tied to me, I owe everything myself, and if I don’t do it myself, then I’m not done well. If I ask Sveta for help, she will help me, and after that my career will "shoot", but this will not be a true success, it means that something is wrong. All these attitudes are closely related to each other, which ultimately slows you down, and you feel insignificant.

Work on your skill, false belief (asking for help is bad). If you find it difficult to work out these nuances on your own, contact a psychologist. There is nothing better than personal therapy, because the fear of asking for help hides childhood traumas associated with relationships with parents who did not help or, if they did, they demanded something in return, blamed or shamed for the fact that you yourself cannot to do everything.