The Ability To Insist On Your Own

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Assertive behavior - the ability to insist on one's own, politely and correctly - today we are talking about this. Perhaps you have met in your life people who know how to gently and affectionately put insolent people in revenge, say "no" - when they need it, insist on their rights. And every time you watch such a person you involuntarily envy - that would be the same for me. This self-advocacy is called assertive influence. A person with such influence knows how to listen and hear the interlocutor, is able to resolve conflicts, find compromises, be attentive to the mood and needs of other people. In the modern world, having assertive influence is no longer just a pleasant addition to the merits, but also a very beneficial quality in the process of doing business.

Being assertive means staying calm in a difficult and controversial situation. There are three behaviors in relationships: aggressive, passive, and assertive. Of course, there is no person who would always use only one style.

A passive person also sometimes breaks through to aggression, just as an aggressive person can unexpectedly show himself passively. However, both of these behaviors are destructive and tend to lead to internal emotional imbalance, feelings of guilt, frustration, and sadness.

The only form of behavior that gives a sense of satisfaction, peace and ease is assertive influence. Passive model: other people's priorities and needs are put above their own; "I am not worthy of protection and I am not able to defend myself"; there is a feeling (usually subconsciously) of one's own incompetence; it is better not to provoke a conflict and not to enter into it. As a rule, a person with passive behavior is not respected; he is treated, at best, with pity. All this together leads to a drop in self-esteem, depression, stress and victim syndrome.

Aggressive model: they look for enemies around themselves, enter into conflicts and defend their rights in a too harsh manner; they tend to compete with people and prove their worth as individuals every day; they literally knock out respect and attention to themselves from others.

In the mid-50s, as an alternative to aggressive behavior and manipulation, they began to promote and develop techniques for doing business correctly. This is how the term "assertive behavior" appeared.

Assertive Model: Caring about the feelings and emotions of other people and therefore are able to criticize, ask, or even complain in a delicate manner. They are flexible, so each situation is considered individually, as opposed to aggressive people. They are respected and appreciated, they are not afraid to make decisions and are ready to take responsibility for these decisions.

HOW TO LEARN THIS ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR TO LIVE LONG AND HAPPY?

Everything is simple, but as always, everything simple and kind requires diligence and constancy. Here are some tips to help you develop assertive influence: Set goals. Identify and write down the areas in your life where you want to start applying assertive influence and start setting the simplest and most easily achievable goals. For example, "I want my friend to value my time and stop being late all the time." Think carefully about what words, tone you will say to him, what will express your face at the same time. After reaching the goal - praise yourself, buy yourself some sweets or give yourself other pleasant incentives to consolidate your success. After a while, the goal is harder.

Write down and constantly repeat to yourself the Bill of Rights:

• I have the right to refuse to solve other people's problems.
• I have the right to change my mind.
• I have the right to make mistakes.
• I have the right to say “I don’t know”.
• I have the right to make my own decision.
• I have the right to say "I don't understand."
• I have the right to say no.
• I have the right to be happy or sad.
• I have the right to set my own priorities.

However, any good deed can be perverted - and in this case - be careful that your passive behavior does not swing into aggression. It is important to always remember that your rights are not dictated in an imperative tone, but expressed in a delicate manner. For example, if you decide you have the right to change your mind, then apologize to the person who was promised to spend the evening with him. Your right to refuse something does not mean that you are now becoming an irresponsible person. And if you decide that you have the right to make mistakes, this does not mean that you should not draw conclusions and not be responsible for them.

Based on the Bill of Rights - write down the personal ones that are most relevant to you. Go back to setting your goals and apply your statement.

For example: Goal 1: _. What are my rights in this situation? Are my rights being violated? If so, why? And so on for each goal. Find or develop your strategy for achieving the goal.

Assertiveness is a model of behavior, which means it needs to be developed and reinforced.

Here are some of the skills of assertiveness that will make you feel much more confident as you work through and practice them:

A worn-out record

Be persistent and repeat what you want over and over again without getting annoyed or raising your voice. Stick to your point of view.

Free information

Learn not only to listen to the interlocutor, but to hear and read the free information that he gives you. It will allow you to argue by referring to phrases expressed by the interlocutor.

Self-disclosure

Don't be afraid to talk about how you feel, how you feel, what you think about the situation.

Step back

Do not argue and do not make excuses when you hear criticism, say: “I will definitely think about it, a little later. Maybe it makes sense."

Work out a compromise. LEARNING TO SAY "NO" If you do not learn how to do this, then after some time you will realize that not a single goal has been achieved, and priorities have been violated.

Use assertive body language: direct eye contact; keep your head straight; spread the stoves and relax your hands; speak slowly, quietly and as confidently as possible. Be as precise and concise as possible in your answer so that the interlocutor has no doubts that you will not be able to fulfill his request. Don't apologize if you see yourself being manipulated or not necessary. An inappropriate apology puts a person in the position of a debtor.

Don't ask permission to say no. “You don't mind if I refuse your offer” is another phrase that puts you in the position of a debtor. Here it is appropriate to use the "worn-out record" technique - repeat the short refusal phrase several times. Do not wait for approval, you do not have to convince the other person to accept your refusal, otherwise you will again find yourself in the position of a debtor. Last but not least, accept the consequences. You have the right to say no, and the other person has the right to take your refusal as they wish. There may be unpleasant consequences, but deal with it, since you have already made a decision.

Learn to ask for help, for a favor. A person with a passive attitude often cannot ask for help. To work through their fear, stupor for such people, I offer some advice: ask yourself the question: what will happen if I ask for a request? The worst thing that can be - you will be refused. The next question is: is it wise to ask for help? Use your list of rights. Be short and speak for yourself using the pronoun "I". Do not use denial - do not exclude a part of it, say what you want, not what you don’t want Concentrate on positive emotions.