Is Your Mom Depressed? (article-note)

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

There is a huge amount of reflections, articles, publications on the topic of depression. I also want to touch on this topic, but from a slightly different angle. I want to take a look at the side - what happens to a child who grows up in a family where one of the parents arrives in depression. Does it somehow affect him and what to expect.

I will reflect from the mother's side, arriving depressed. Whatever type of depression the parent has, for the child it will be an “obvious” event and each child will endure it in his own way, with different imprints on life.

I understand that I will not be able to consider all the options for what might happen at the stages of growing up of all possible groups of children, I will take only the most common ones. Perhaps, if interest arises in the note, I will continue to expand this topic in subsequent texts of the headings thought_hanged.

I want to start with the fact that in the absence of pathologies in the child's psyche, in its development, it is quite flexible and adaptive. But the observations that the baby makes and what he notices, as well as the conclusions to which he comes, directly correlate with the environment of the child.

Exodus 1

The child looks at the mother who has changed her habitual behavior. What does the child feel? What desires arise?

In this version, I want to consider a child who, with a feeling of despondency and a desire to somehow help, begins to change his behavior in the direction of positive reinforcement of the mother. There is a desire to help somehow, to change the course of the situation, to influence the mood.

In a behavioral sense, there will be attempts to please in the little things that constantly require, but from the perspective of independence. Take out trash, dust, wash dishes, etc. So is the desire to please with their achievements, a vivid example of the school.

Here you can say, this is great, you need to get depressed so that the child begins to be independent. But, such a plan of behavior eats into the child, in case of despondency and confrontation with a similar one in adult life with a partner, the person will act - everything for your mood. Any swings in the mood of a partner or friend will cause feelings similar to the desire to help the mother in her state of despondency. The usual description is a merry fellow, a clown who is easy to manipulate.

Exodus 2

The child looks at the mother who has changed her habitual behavior. How does the child feel? What desires arise?

In this version, I want to consider a child who, when the mother feels despondent, turns everything to himself, transferring this state.

Often in this paradigm of perception, the child is accompanied by bitter feelings, combined with worries about the mother who is in depression.

Changes in behavior will also not keep you waiting - those things that the child did with enthusiasm, now he does less joyfully or joylessly in general, overall academic performance falls, and feelings of guilt begin to creep up on the surface.

Feelings of guilt arise based on the fact that the child thinks that it was he who influenced the state of the mother, because he was not good enough. And this can lead to more serious problems. In adulthood, these children often suffer from imposter syndrome, with severe cognitive distortions (polarized thinking often appears).

Exodus 3

The child looks at the mother who has changed her habitual behavior. How does the child feel? What desires arise?

In this version, I want to consider a child who, when the mother feels sad, tries to get in touch, share feelings and receive a response.

The child experiences anxiety about the change in the mother's behavior, tries in every possible way to show and play it. A possible outcome would be a demonstration of deviant behavior, with attention to oneself. But collisions will only be with a “lifeless” wall or aggression, which also becomes a step for the development of an avoidant disorder in the child.

A depressed parent, in a state where there is no strength to give an emotional response, tired of communication and caring for a child (spending as if all the last resources) builds a wall that limits the child's actions from the emotional side. Thus, the child feels emotional neglect and a persistent feeling develops in a complex - that his emotions are bad and it is they that make the parent feel discouraged….

I have described three possible the outcome that do not cover the full range of developmental opportunities for children, as well as does not say, that depression is necessarily true … My cases are built defenses that will be with the child in adulthood. More often it happens that children grow up outside the pathological system and develop at their usual, “normal” pace.