2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
This happens quite often. After all, almost all of us have a perfect idea of ourselves. What do we do in this case? We demand strict compliance with it. Once you read something, heard, saw, from all this you created an ideal image that began to control you. And if your actions do not coincide with the criteria of this image, a fall occurs, which is accompanied by disorders not only of the psyche, but also of health.
Because of such a bar, we demand from ourselves the almost impossible - to be what we are not and cannot become, and in fact we should not. As a result of all this, self-hatred, self-denial and strong destructiveness begin. This destroys a person, does not allow him to live fully, to create and create something beautiful and valuable. Worst of all, we begin to justify ourselves, to isolate ourselves from the mistakes we have made. Quite often people say that they are not to blame, this is not their characteristic, they could not have done this at all. They hide behind the circumstances (“I was forced, provoked”) and deny their guilt. It is very important to be able to distinguish truth from deception and transform your failures into, albeit bitter, but valuable experience.
Falling in your own eyes is a personal experience.
A girl came to me for consultation, who said that she had cancer, her reproductive organs were removed. During the conversation, I learned that at the age of 18 she became pregnant, and her mother and her godmother persuaded her to have an abortion. Feeling guilty for this act brought her to the present state.
After all, she did not want to do this, and due to age and circumstances, she could not defend herself and her position. We have worked for a long time and with a variety of techniques, from yoga to art therapy. The ending of this story is good, she recovered, was able to climb the career ladder and now she is doing well.
Another patient of mine came to me with a similar problem. She could not forgive herself for treason in any way. For two years, a man reprimanded himself for a mistake, bringing everything to tumors in the chest (thank God - benign). After working through all the issues with her, we charted a course for change and forgiveness, and everything worked out. But if she had forgiven herself initially, all this would not have happened.
People with this problem hate themselves, deny their involvement in the situation, saying that it was not them, they would not have done that. And they cannot forgive themselves despite denial.
What to do?
Ask yourself: why are you limiting yourself? Accept your mistake / act, do not deny it, honestly admit to yourself: "Yes, it was my choice, and I can be responsible for it." And then learn to forgive yourself. You are a living person, and people tend to be wrong. Resentment towards yourself and others is harm to you, let go of situations and goodbye.
Those who cannot let go of this or that situation in any way, understand that by doing this you only harm yourself. It has long been proven that such actions cause a variety of health problems, from a common cold to global ones. Tell me, do you need this? I understand perfectly well that forgiving is not always easy, especially yourself, especially if you set yourself a high bar. But, if this is not done, your life will not change for the better. The sooner you start working with your problem, the sooner all unnecessary will go away, and you will be able to live fully.
Naturally, you can work with such a problem on your own by rereading mountains of special literature, taking on board a lot of practices and exercises. But, as a specialist, I recommend starting to resolve such issues in the company of a psychotherapy consultant. This way you start right away with the exercises you want, speed up the process, and protect you from unnecessary mistakes.
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