2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
How to deal with hidden aggressors
First of all, latent aggression is a form of anger. Passive aggressive people are deeply angry. Just like the person who yells and throws things around, they just have a different way of showing their anger. They are often afraid of confrontation, so they hide their irritation with a smile. Some of them don't know themselves well enough to know that they are evil. But their anger, bitterness and frustration are right on the surface.
Most of all, passive aggression harms those who are in a relationship with such people. They are the ones who usually need the most help. Incidentally, they can unwittingly be provocateurs of such behavior.
To stop a cycle, follow these five steps:
Keep them accountable
When you fail to make passive-aggressive people accountable for their actions, you unwittingly perpetuate their behavior. If you are a lover of people, this is especially destructive: you want everyone to be happy, avoid confrontation and conflict, so you absorb all kinds of subtle emotional abuse. Stop blaming yourself or making excuses for the other; you are not responsible for the destructive image of the hidden aggressor showing his anger
Stop apologizing
If you haven't done something wrong, don't apologize. Especially do not apologize if the person does not say directly what you are to blame. If your boss says, "Leave early again today?" Every time you go home before 5:30 pm, he will never directly ask and sincerely thank you for working hard late. Don't ask for forgiveness. Come up and ask if you need to stay. It may be that he or she really needs you, but it could also be that the boss just wants you to feel guilty because it makes him feel more in control.
Put your needs first
Forcing other people to prioritize YOUR needs and desires is the strong point of many passive aggressors. They prefer to eat late, so everyone should have dinner after 8pm. They only love white wine, so you should always have it in your fridge, even if no one else drinks it.
Do not succumb to their demands: if they like, they eat late, but you have to go to bed early. This behavior is more often associated with assertion of control than with true preference. You need to learn to take care of yourself.
Don't play the game
In fear of their own anger, passive-aggressive people quite calmly elicit similar reactions in others. It is wrong in such a situation to explode or respond with your passive aggression. If you do, they will win. Of course, it can be difficult to manage your emotions when you are dealing with someone who upsets you so much. As much as you can, limit the time you spend with this person. If you feel yourself getting angry, take slow deep breaths to calm yourself down and get rid of the situation for a moment.
Confront the problem
In the end, you will have to sort things out. Prepare for the conversation. Don't start it when you are angry. Your happiness and mental well-being is not a goal, not a prize in a fight. Don't start with accusations of being passive-aggressive. Trust me, they won't like hearing this about themselves. Instead, be specific about what they say and how it upsets you. Tell them how it makes you feel and explain the consequences if the behavior continues. If you say that you are worried, but nothing changes, and you allow it, everything will only get worse.
The best thing you can do to deal with latent aggression is not to let it catch you
Whenever someone uses passive aggression to try to upset you, remind yourself that there is deep unhappiness underneath their anger. The happier you are in your life, the easier it will be for you to see their sadness. The next time a coworker makes a “wonderful” comment about your outfit, turn your anger into pity and rise above.
If you need help, please contact the specialists of our Center "Transformation"
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