2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I am writing this article together with my colleague Anna Karpovich. Anxious mothers, especially mothers of teenagers, often write to us. And today we want to answer one of these questions:
"My child is bullied at school, but refuses to talk about this topic. What to do in such a situation."
After all (to be honest), many teachers, psychologists who work in schools often do not pay any attention to this. Say, they can handle it themselves, the children, what can you take from them. But sometimes the situation develops from a simple conflict into a harsh persecution, where it is no longer just insults, but well-thought-out, carefully planned humiliations. What to do if a child is in such a situation, for you as a parent? After all, if you intervene in the matter directly, it could be even worse ….
First of all, calm down your instinct to "tear everyone up for your child." This can only lead to a complication of the situation. After all, when this instinct works, then the mind is quite often passed out. And you need to act deliberately.
We will not go into solving issues in social ways, that is, notify the class teacher, school psychologist and other authorities, talk with the parents of the offender, etc. Most likely, the parents themselves know about this. However, how can you support your child in this situation? How to talk to him about it? And most importantly, is it worth taking him to a psychologist?
We will answer right away that if a child does not have anger towards his offenders, he reacts very emotionally to criticism, and when he talks to you about this, he gets ashamed and he becomes silent, then of course it is worthwhile for a psycholo to work with him. Most likely, the pain, resentment and shame deeply hurt the child. And of course, it is best to turn to a specialist now so that these experiences do not harm his sense of himself, his dignity and sense of self-worth.
What can parents do? But parents, in this case right now, should pay attention to the strengths of their child. More often draw his attention to what he is good at, what he is the best at and the qualities that helped him cope in those situations of humiliation. The more specific your “praise” is (it’s not really it, you just draw your child’s attention to their resources and strengths), the more effective your support will be.
If the child cannot express anger at the offender, then you in every possible way need to support this emotion in him. In this situation, anger is important, as it gives strength to overcome the traumatic situation, it is important to react - beat pillows, kick furniture, swear, etc. (here can be anything you come up with, but it is important that the child's movements are not small, that is, if you tear the paper, then tear it at full strength, using all the muscles of the arm and shoulder, and not just the fingers).
And also tell your child the following supportive phrases: “I'm with you!”, “I'm with you,” “I support you,” “I love you,” “You did it” (meaning the bullying situation). Give your child body contact more often - hug, hold hands. This recommendation also has one nuance - all these phrases should not be said if you feel sorry for the child. In you, the child should feel support, support, security and strength. In such difficult moments, any person becomes very sensitive to the intention, message, intonation with which you address, speak or touch. If you feel pity for the child, you thus give him the message that he is a victim, he could not do anything. But in fact he did, he got out of the situation, he is at home, he is safe. Also, you should not tell the child what he could have done - he coped as best he could, he survived - your task is to concentrate on what he has already done.
But, if, nevertheless, the situation has become in such a way that you are forced to transfer your child to another school, then you need to consult with a psychologist so that such situations do not repeat in the new school❗
We also want to share with you a simple but very effective technique for expressing aggression
When we are offended, I really want to express all my indignation to the interlocutor. I would like to tell you how smart he is, and that you can't behave like that. But, unfortunately, we do not always have the opportunity to express the whole truth to a person in person. And in this case, rhymes will help us☝. Yes, it’s rhymes. We all remember the “wonderful work” - “the boy put his fingers into the socket. All that was left was collected in a newspaper. It is such works that help us express all anger, resentment, as well as wish a lot of interesting things to our offender. Just do not worry that something will happen to a person. No, everything will be all right with him, but your mood will significantly improve, because you will express everything that has accumulated in your soul in such a comic form.
The instruction is simple:
1. Think about the person who offended you.
2. Think about what you would like to tell him
3. And that's it. Be creative. Come up with a rhyme and write it all down on paper. And do not forget to read it aloud, preferably loudly and with expression.
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