“Perhaps It Will Pass,” Or Why Doesn't It Go Away By Itself? Or Reflections On "the Essence Of A Psychologist"

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Recently, at a seminar, a colleague shared that a very popular query in Yandex sounds like “the essence of a psychologist” - you can check if this is really so. So what are people looking for when they search for “the essence of a psychologist”? For a long time it was believed that all difficulties can be dealt with by consulting a friend in the kitchen, taking appropriate drinks, or by asking Yandex. My professional experience allows me to answer unequivocally - this is not so. Why shouldn't you hope for “maybe” and believe that “it will pass by itself”?

At the moment, the habit of solving psychological problems with the help of a psychologist is just forming in our country. Do you know the anecdote that “a psychologist to himself is like a dentist to himself: painful, uncomfortable and fraught with complications”. The list of such anecdotes is endless. Suffice it to recall the sad "story" about how a lonely businessman goes to the kitchen to congratulate a bottle of whiskey on the psychologist's day …

The problem exists as long as we use ineffective mechanisms to solve it: to solve or "pretend" that the problem does not exist (avoidance, denial, rationalization, etc.) This is where such a phenomenon as workaholism or other forms of addiction arises. behavior. Someone prefers to work hard so that there is no time to think (or even live), someone is inclined to “seize” stress, someone creates beautiful profiles on social networks, masking the feeling of loneliness.

So why doesn't it go away by itself? It is extremely difficult for oneself to “break” the usual mechanisms and build new ones. It is difficult and scary to experiment in everyday life, where you are known, they are accustomed to you and certain behavior is expected of you. In addition to the fact that the problem itself is not solved, the person does everything (of course, not consciously) so that he needs it and “works” for him. And when for many years the problem is woven into a solid network of self-esteem, relationships, emotions - it becomes very painful to part with it. And why, it would seem. After all, she has already become her own, dear.

Therefore, it is easier and more effective in a psychologist's office - they do not expect anything from you, they do not judge you. Here you are not a spouse, not a parent, not a friend or an employee, but just a person. It is in the psychologist's office that you can just be yourself. And when you already have the experience of how you can be yourself, accept yourself, in a safe environment, then it becomes easier to experiment in everyday life. You will be able not to be afraid of the consequences, to react more calmly to criticism and to the fact that "again did not meet someone's expectations." And then there are resources to cope with. Everything falls into place: relationships become relationships, work - only work, things - only things, and not a means for … (you can complete the sentence yourself). I will quote the classic: "The hum died down, I went to the stage." Isn't that the point?