2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Attitude towards your gender is an important part of your personality. It is still formed in utero and depends on who the parents are waiting for - a boy or a girl, whom they are ready to accept as their child. Often the fetus on an ultrasound scan seems to be hiding the genitals, maybe it is afraid that it will not be accepted in the body that it has. “Suddenly they will get rid of me. I'd rather hide my floor. The value of the body for an already born child determines the attitude of the parents towards him. First of all, the mother's behavior matters: the way she looks at the child's body, how she touches it, how she reacts to his discharge. If disgust arises in the face of the mother, for the child it is a signal “something is wrong with my body”. Maybe it’s bad that I’m a girl or I’m a boy? Is that why my mother doesn't love me? It is important for a growing child that he looks according to his gender. Small children determine each other's gender by clothes and hairstyle.
Parents monitor the child's appearance. If they seek to level the sex of the child or impose external elements of the opposite sex on him, this also means that the parents do not accept the real gender of the child. Well, the main difference is, of course, the genitals. How many anecdotes already exist on this topic. Obviously, boys can see their penis, but girls cannot. Girls have the feeling that they do not have a genital organ. This can be alarming, even fearful. It is important to explain gender differences to the child in a language they can understand. Then the girl realizes that she is no worse than the boy. She also has a genital organ, only it is arranged differently. Practical example. Work with the client took place in a therapy group. Consent for publication has been obtained. Sasha is already thirty-two years old, and she still cries when she remembers how, at the age of two, her mother took her to the hairdresser to cut the baby's hair baldly. The typewriter buzzed terribly, the girl cried and begged her mother to "save her hair." But, my mother remained adamant. This event for Sasha is an indicator of her mother's dislike. The young woman thinks she "gives too much importance to this memory." However, it grabs her attention again and again. In the constellation, Sasha hoped to UNDERSTAND her mother's behavior and get rid of years of resentment. In the process of the mini-constellation, the root cause of the little girl's fear was revealed. The baby was scared that they would make a boy out of her. She was the second girl in the family and knew for sure that dad wanted a son and was "very disappointed" when her daughter appeared. It is possible that the name "boyish" was given to her for a reason. Small children determine each other's gender by clothes and hairstyle. When the hair is cut, for little Sasha it means that she is deprived of her femininity, made a boy.
The mother's deputy said that she accepts the gender of her daughter, she is glad that she has a girl growing up. She explained the haircut by the desire for her daughter's hair to grow thicker. This procedure was adopted in the mother's family. Her parents did this to her, and she has already done so, cutting her eldest daughter at the age of two. In order for little Sasha's fear to pass, she needed to explain the TRUTH that boys and girls do not differ in their hairstyle, but genitals and her mother loves and accepts in the body of a girl. In a language understandable to the child, the deputy mother explained to her daughter that the bodies of girls and boys are arranged differently. She is Sasha, a girl. Future woman. And the floor is forever. Being a girl is good. Mom loves and accepts her daughter Sasha. Deputy Sasha sighed with relief, the noise of the hairdressing machine immediately ceased to be frightening. She looked lovingly into the eyes of her mother - so sweet and dear.
The real adult Sasha watched the interaction of the mother's deputies and little Sasha. When the constellation was over, the girl smiled: "How pleased I am to receive permission from my mother to be a woman, I have been waiting for this for thirty years." Many women “know exactly” their gender, it is registered in the passport, confirmed by marital status, the presence of children. Only inside an adult woman can there be a little girl who still doubts her gender. It is very important for a girl to know that she really is a GIRL, she has the right to be and at the same time feel loved and needed. This missing and VERY important experience can be gained in the course of therapy.
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