I Don't Want To Be Left Alone At 40 With Seven Cats

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I Don't Want To Be Left Alone At 40 With Seven Cats
I Don't Want To Be Left Alone At 40 With Seven Cats
Anonim

I do not want to be left alone at 40 with seven cats

This is how one of my clients commented on her request. Bright, stately, open and sincere. From her came a harmonious combination of female kindness and intelligence. It was one of the rush therapies. So is my client. No more than 10 sessions.

For psychodynamic therapy, this is not a period at all. During this time, you can only get to know each other, get a little closer to the client, establish initial contact. She never canceled the session, did not ask to reschedule the time, did not ask how long it takes to deal with the request, did not ask for advice on what to do.

She came at the agreed time, and after 2 months she said that now everything is clear to her, she knows what to do.

There were tears during the sessions …

Memories of her childhood came, when she, large for her age, had to endure the ridicule of classmates, fight, cry, run away … She quickly, even in elementary school, realized that it was useless to complain to her - it would be even worse. Mom will come to school, throw a scandal and it will be even more difficult for her, daughter, to be in school. She may have to change school altogether. As last time.

She quickly learned how to survive.

I tried not to repeat mistakes.

Tears flowed when she talked about the attempted rape.

Then she, still a teenager, went to visit a well-known friend who was several years older than her. The shock was from the unexpected pressure and aggression of the "friend". After all, they have known each other for so many years …

She hadn’t told anyone about this before.

As well as about an abortion, which has not been forgotten for five years.

During the sessions there was also the client's indifference to the process itself and to my interpretations. I felt it, tried to understand what this indifference was about … Maybe this is what her mother felt, or rather did not feel when the girl tried to tell how bad she was at school, how difficult it is to be alone without understanding what was wrong with her, why she is ridiculed by girls at school and why boys are aggressive towards her.

Using the symbol drama method, the first image appeared in our session - a flower. A seven-colored flower, from which all and sundry were picking off the leaves. How it was like her relationship with men, girlfriends, parents.

The feeling that you are being used.

It was very upsetting to realize and accept.

But then the image of "allotment of land" appeared. The place where I suggested to her to do, to create whatever she wants. At the very beginning, a fence appeared, which marked its boundaries. The fence was not high, but not low, it was dense, but not bulky. Later, a house project and interior design appeared. In real life, this manifested itself in the form of defending one's interests at work, with mom, with a friend, with a former boyfriend. Moreover, at work she was raised and her salary was added. The former young man offered to renew the relationship, but she definitely didn't need it. Mom, however, was unhappy, accusing the psychologist that her obedient girl began to show aggression towards her in the form of unwillingness to call back 15 times a day and report where she is and with whom. The girl decided to change her place of residence, to move to a rented apartment from her parents. But I am sure that over time, they will improve relations.

Therapy in their twenties is different from that for clients after 30. Different objectives, different depths. Perhaps we will see her again, in 7-10 years.

On the example of this therapy, we can talk about a successful attempt to overcome the age crisis of 20 years. It is separation, separation from parents, taking responsibility for your life. (I am writing to an attempt, because today I have no information whether she managed to maintain her independence. Was there a return).

But now she was no longer afraid to be alone. To rebuild your world, to realize your desires, to believe in your strength. And only then look for a companion for a full-fledged, not codependent relationship.

Deliberately left alone. Now. In order not to be left alone at 40 with seven cats.

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