2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The choice of "how to live your life" is formed in childhood and depends on the attitude of parents towards us. Those who have received enough parental love feel valued and valued, and perceive other people in the same way. They accept the life received from their parents not as a debt, but as a gift that can be shared and receive gifts in return.
Those who have received only "grains" of love seem to prove all their lives that they were not born in vain. They can live their lives in caring for others or try to become invisible, insignificant, so that no one has the idea that they are superfluous here and take someone else's place. It turns out that they live someone else's life and live their life only partially.
The most difficult category of people is those whose appearance they did not want or showed aggression towards them in childhood. Their script has a "don't live" message. Such people do not live. Their refusal to live can be manifested both in overt suicide and in latent, for example, in alcoholism, drug addiction, actions associated with a risk to life.
Practical example. Permission to publish has been obtained from the client.
In a dream, in a symbolic form, what a person thinks about in a waking state is reflected. Each element of the dream means for the client something of his own, known only to him.
You can work with a dream in different ways. One of my favorites is the alternate transition of the client to the place of each character from the dream, with the entry into his role. When identifying with an image, its subjective meaning for the client appears.
The young woman, the heroine of the articles, is in long-term therapy. She ponders a lot about the meaning of life, the relationship between a person and his parents.
The girl tells a dream
- I had a dream. I am in the parental home, as it was in my childhood. I am alone and naked from the top to the waist. In front of the house there is a nine-storey building, which in reality did not exist in my childhood. I look out the window and see some people throwing their belongings off the balconies. Some of the people went to the visor of the house and jumped down. They lined up. And below there is a group of people persuading the suicides not to jump. They say: “Stop, you can repay the debts later. Now live experiencing both sorrow and joy."
We are investigating the meaning of the dream. To do this, Ulyana alternately moves to the place of each character from the dream, entering his role.
Ulyana in her place:
- It was as if I returned to my parents' house to understand how calm I am now, how much the injuries have been worked through. The fact that I am naked to the waist means for me that I am already half free, I can express my feelings. But, yet I do not accept my lower body - sexuality.
- What duty did people talk about trying to convince suicides not to jump? What is this duty, take its place? - This is a duty to parents, debt for life.
- Give it a name.
- He's called the "punisher."
- What does he look like?
- Looks like a man with a deck of cards.
- What does a deck of cards mean? - It's like a set of rules, laws that parents establish. And the children then live by these rules, even if they do not suit them. And they are afraid to break them. They are afraid of parental punishment, retribution for violation. And they punish themselves, each as he can. The punisher is in the man's head.
For Ulyana, the parental figure who sets the rules is male and is called the "Punisher". She also personifies the debt for life.
From the role of people who throw their things from balconies:
- We seem to pay off debt by refusing things, something of our own, personal. We give up opportunities and comfort. To have nothing is like a price to pay for life. As if the attitude “I need so little” justifies our existence.
In place of people who jump down:
“Realizing that our duty to our parents is equal to life, we give up life so as not to be in debt.
In place of people who persuade suicides to "not jump."
- We are rescuers, we repay the debt for life, saving other people's lives. At the same time, it seems that we do not have our own life.
- What are you, Ulyana, now feeling?
- I live my life, I feel calm. Through the window I look at the "debt". Now I can already see that people have different attitudes towards their lives. This is their choice. My choice is to live my life, with all its ups and downs, needs and feelings. This is my duty to my parents, family, life.
Debt implies the return of what was received in the future, sometimes together with additional remuneration. When we treat life as a duty, we lose the opportunity to fully experience the joy of every day, from communication, activities, our body, creativity and everything else. And only when we accept our life free of charge, as a gift, we become masters of our own life.
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