2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Author: Chuikova Natalia, psychologist
Chelyabinsk
A relationship is built on some kind of agreement between you and another person. Agreements can be completely conscious, or they can carry an unconscious message and, accordingly, the agreement is quite conditional. However, even a formal agreement in a relationship can give a significant crack. No, it will definitely give it, since the agreement is completely blind and only in the process of a long-term relationship can something more stable be born /
To build relationships, a person creates a base from different conscious and unconscious beliefs. And it is quite natural that it is based on them. Since unconscious beliefs are often more weighty, it is they who rule by perception and reflexes, but consciously a person rethinks certain destructive (destructive, interfering, hindering) beliefs and adopts new constructive schemes, which subsequently become unconscious. So, reinforced by positive results, a new reflex comes and this conviction is used more often by a person and, without realizing, brings the new into life, destroying the old.
Of course, for changes and in general just for decisiveness, motives and internal readiness are important. This requires more than one kick, an influencing factor, a rather significant factor. So, year after year, a relationship can bury itself in a quagmire of coexistence, but relying on an unspoken (or completely open) agreement and postponing the possibility of awareness and change.
Such an agreement is formed gradually, when you are just starting communication, looking closely at each other, getting to know each other. And of course, whether you agree or disagree with your partner, accept or deny, voice it or not, this is how the relationship takes shape and forms a foundation for further construction.
By the way, the conflicts that every now and then seep into your relationship are designed to legitimize your desires (requirements) in this interpersonal agreement. There can be completely different consequences, since for every wish of one, there can be opposite expectations of the other, and a conflict from a peaceful resolution can turn into a real war.
Basic principles in building relationships (agreements)
1. Sincerity. When you are sincere in communication, do not look for workarounds, do not try to deceive, then you have another person to yourself, form a more trusting perception of you. You are sincere, which means that the response will not be slow, you will receive a reaction and will know what's what, without speculation, fantasies and illusions. There is an obstacle to sincerity, but then you can work with it. If you are sincere, and in response to antics and attempts to go into the shadows from the other side, then you can think about further actions on your part. Would you conclude an agreement (agreement) with a person who is not sincere?
2. Views, ideology, worldview, values. Learn about the person with whom you are building a relationship as much as possible, ask questions, take an interest in his life, take a closer look at his ideals and values. There is no feedback, ignore or self-obsession, then what kind of partnership can we talk about, on what your agreement (relationship) will be based. Let myths, fairy tales, epics remain for books, and you need clarity.
3. General goals, directions of development, plans. Without this, nowhere, agreeing to further relations (especially if this is already a formal agreement "to be together in sorrow and in joy …") you should pay special attention to this. To make a final decision without clarity on the further development of relations, under the influence of something very unstable (passion, crazy "love", dependence, opinions of others, and the like) dooms to an early collapse of such relations. And weak confidence in the implementation of agreements between each other, since the basis will be flimsy.
In fact, you can write even more principles for building relationships - agreements - stable, long-term, successful and strong, but let them be your personal conclusions.
Combine your efforts and you can achieve success in a relationship.
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