Coaching Is The Key To Success. Part 1

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Interview of the independent journalist Olga Kazak with the head of the Center for Strategic Coaching and Psychotherapy "Values of Innovations", coach and psychoanalyst Damian Sinaisky

A: Hello dear readers! Having become interested in the topic of coaching and the connection of coaching with the phenomena of modern life, such as culture, art and business, I, an independent journalist Olga Kazak, turned today to the head of the Center for Strategic Coaching "Values of Innovations", coach and psychoanalyst Damian Sinaisky. Hello Damian

D: Good afternoon, Olga!

A: The topic of our interview has already been indicated and my first question of mine, which will probably be very interesting to our readers, to everyone who may have become interested in coaching for the first time, or perhaps have never heard of it, but would really like to know: - WHAT is it?

D: Yes, probably, we should start with the concept, because if everyone knows what psychology is, then the concept of coaching is a little more complicated … life changes, the relationship between the coach and his ward, which can be of any age, social status and profession. Two people sit down and start a conversation: one of them has a specific request - what goals he wants to achieve in his personal life, in business, financially, in his career, in relations with himself. And the second person, the coach, does not indicate, does not dictate, but creates a space of freedom around the ward, asking him the right questions and helping, thereby, in building and achieving goals, in finding his true values and the successful realization of life meanings.

But a coach is not a person who knows everything. A coach is an interlocutor, partner, companion, but not in front, but together, and even if the client is mistaken, the coach creates space and conditions for the client to find a way out of the situation himself. And here the coach lends his shoulder to the client, gives this support, understanding and recognition, believes in his talent and success, and this bears fruit. And if the coach even knows something, then he should not show it, because the answers are inside the client, and it often happens that these answers that the client finds in the process of cooperation are much cooler and more effective than those that he could come to, according to the coach's opinion. The most important thing here is ethics with a capital letter.

In other words, in short, it is a process of cooperation that leads to success in the area of life in which the client makes a request.

A: Damian, but then the question immediately arises - how, for example, differs, say, from psychotherapy from psychoanalysis? Is there not in the work of a psychoanalyst, psychotherapist, psychologist with a client setting a goal, its development and achievement?

D: That's a good question, Olga. Yes, that's right - in psychology, psychoanalysis, psychotherapy we are talking about the internal circuit, and the goals are set accordingly: mental, mental comfort, getting rid of fears, anxieties, feelings of inferiority, feelings of guilt, low self-esteem, psychosomatic manifestations.

The coach, as a coach, as a specialist, helps the client to understand what is happening in his external world - in his personal life, in relationships, first of all, with others, be it business, work, family, friends, be it relationships with himself yourself, after all. That is, the line of separation occurs here - between the outer and inner worlds.

In addition, the psychotherapist works and changes his past together with the client, the coach works and designs his future together with the client.

But there is one more difference. If a person comes to a consultation and says: “I have a conflict at work, I need to resolve it,” then, of course, there is no psychology here, but purely intellectual study - finding options, choosing these options, the person goes, makes this decision and achieves success. If a person wants to change systematically, then psychology is indispensable. Feelings and emotions are intuition. That is, if with the intellect we can analyze, reflect, spend time, then intuitively we can get the answer right away. And if the client goes in this direction, develops his own potential, sensual, emotional, then the factor of the unconscious is very important here. His power is so great that it can even completely direct and control some conscious actions.

That is, to put it quite simply: a coach in its pure form is intelligence, this is intelligence, this is education, this is experience, this is knowledge. Psychologist, psychoanalyst - these are feelings, these are emotions. Therefore, there is also another line of distinction between coaching and psychoanalysis, psychotherapy. Of course, if you are lucky and you meet a specialist with business education, coach competencies and, at the same time, with the education of a psychotherapist, then work on your requests will be much more efficient. Taking into account my education, knowledge and work experience, I can work in two areas, synthesizing knowledge and giving the client what will help him best.

Oh, so interesting! Are there any intersection points between these methods?

D: Olga, let me give you an example. A client comes to me, the general director of the enterprise, and sets a goal: I want to negotiate with the owners about the employee motivation system - about the establishment of salaries, the calculation of bonuses, bonuses, and so on. A good goal for a coach. However, in the process of working out this goal, it turns out that the client has some uncertainties and fears. That is, the reasons for its difficulties are in the inner world, in some psychological peculiarities. We, after all, all come from childhood and a lot of scenarios, behavior models, patterns are developed precisely in childhood. And it turns out that he cannot achieve success in business, in his career, because these internal "angels" or "demons" interfere with him, whoever wants to. And we begin to deal with his internal problems, difficulties, and this is already, and here the vector goes from the inside out, that is, all the answers are already inside us. And the main mistake that many people make is that they think that the answers are outside. This is wrong. In addition, any difficulty, I think, is, first of all, an opportunity. The ability to change yourself and change the world around you, realize yourself in it.

A: That is, not only what I feel, not only what I know about myself, but also how to deal with it, how to manifest it and how to move on with this baggage

D: Yes, how to realize your meaning in life, if it's quite simple, but to realize the meaning so that it is successful. Successful both financially, and in career terms, and in personal terms, and in relationships with oneself. This is very important.

A: Damian, tell me, but in world history there were some examples that, probably, can hardly be called coaching in the modern word, but, nevertheless, when did mentors help any person to achieve success in one area or another?

D: Yes, we can probably talk about coaching since ancient Greece. For example - Aristotle, who, according to myths, was the teacher of Alexander the Great. We all remember the story, the legend about how Alexander the Great cut the Gordian knot:

Gordius, the first king of Phrygia, installed a cart in the temple of the capital, tying a yoke to it with a complex tangled knot, which no one could untie, and they said - the one who unties this knot can conquer the whole world. And it was Alexander the Great who came and cut him down. As a coach, I can interpret this event metaphorically - Alexander the Great conquered the world by the sword, by violence. But there is another interpretation of this event: when Alexander the Great approached this altar and saw the knot, he did not untie it, he took out the hook, the so-called "gester", thereby separating one part that fastened the cart with the yoke, from the other, and thus released this knot. That is, Alexander solved this problem not thanks to the sword, but thanks to the sharp and inventive mind, which was developed in him by his mentor (we can say - coach) the philosopher Aristotle. Such an unconventional creative, creative approach and precisely thanks to Aristotle. And, therefore, we know Alexander the Great not as some Caligula, who enslaved everything with fire and sword, but precisely as an outstanding commander, researcher, strategist who also contributed a lot to the cultural unity of the peoples that he conquered, and those centers of culture that he created - they are still functioning.

A: It's very interesting to tell you, Damian, I want to keep listening and listening. Immediately there is such an allusion with our President and confessor or mentors, who, of course, are there and advise…

D: Yes, every leader, every bureaucrat, president has people who perform this role as a coach, advisor, and interlocutor, but thanks to whom people achieve such great success. It's true.

A: What qualities should a modern coach have in order to help a person see himself, express himself and develop himself?

D: Actually, there have always been coaches. As well as business consultants, psychotherapists, priests who helped people who find themselves in certain difficult life situations. Now, when all discoveries take place at the junction of education, this role begins to play a coach, as a more “synthesized”, or something, specialist. And if he considers himself a qualified specialist, then, of course, he must have talents, precisely talents, and knowledge not only in business education, in some goal-setting, how to achieve and balance the balance between personal and external life, but also he must also have knowledge in art, culture, philosophy, psychology. Since there are elements of confession here, a good coach acts not only as a consultant, business coach and sparring partner, but even in some way as a spiritual or spiritual advisor, I would say. He must have work experience as a psychologist, psychoanalyst, businessman, and a teacher, for example, an MBA. For example, I get a new education every 5-7 years. Because clients are different, as a rule, they are very advanced, very educated people, they come with their own history, with their experience, with their knowledge, and they want to receive answers. And they don't just want to get answers, they want to seek those answers. And it's very cool when this joint search, as a rule, always leads to success.

A: Damian, excuse me, I will interrupt you all the same: you talked about getting education. Is this some kind of life program of yours or is it just an internal message and you follow your need - to get an education?

D: I think this is part of my destiny.

A: I see. Do I understand correctly that the bulk of clients who come to coaching are already established people who have succeeded in some areas, have reached some heights and, contrary to the very common cliche that their active life is over, they now, perhaps, some kind of puzzle is missing in order to assemble yourself as a whole person? And it is for this that they need a person of broad views, versatile thinking and high culture

D: Not really. A coach is a person who provides support to his client. It doesn't matter whether it is a teenager who wants to choose education abroad, or a successful millionaire entrepreneur, or just a specialist who is inside his consciousness, inside his psyche, his boundaries, through which he cannot look. And here a coach, if he is a specialist with a good psychological, psychoanalytic education, can help a lot. He can show the client another facet of being, another facet of life, a new facet, help expand the boundaries of his personal space, look wider, feel, experience joy, breathe it in: “It turns out that my space is even wider, and here I am myself. feel comfortable. Not only is my comfort zone there, but here I am even more comfortable."

Coaching is all about organizing and changing life, so clients can be completely different in terms of social status and profession. For example, I have an electrician in coaching and psychoanalysis. He becomes very successful: he quit buying and drinking, chooses a bride for himself, wants to get married, decides conflict situations at work that he could not solve before. Stylists, managers, poets, department heads, architects, accountants, businessmen, entrepreneurs - find yourself and your meaning, your place and purpose in life, change your life, become successful in it, realize your dreams, live more fully, more wholeheartedly - many people of different professions and statuses want.

But those who are already very successful also have their own problems. They have achieved this success, they are very educated, very knowledgeable, very culturally developed, very advanced. And they, especially very successful owners, business owners, even with a very large bank account and external well-being, often have a certain feeling of loneliness, I would even say - existential emptiness, at the level of being, their place in being, which is very acutely experienced … When a person is already at a certain height, he can no longer, due to his status, share with someone some of his complex psychological nuances - maybe some kind of dissatisfaction with life, falsity of living, regrets about something, anxiety, any conflicts at work or in the family. Well, not with the deputy for commercial issues to do this. With his wife, he also cannot always share some moments, because he understands that he must support his family, give a sense of security. The institute of clergy or "grandfathers", some relatives with whom one can consult - also, unfortunately, no longer exists - we have had so many shocks in the social formation … And it is here, usually, that the figure of a coach appears.

A: That is, a successful person, having reached the top of the "mountain" (as an image), where a rare climber will reach, stays there in his loneliness and, not knowing what to do next - go down, which he would not want, or go higher, but it is not clear where - he meets on his way the very same climber - a coach who does something. What is he doing?

D: Helps him. It helps to get comfortable in this space, on this site. Still, indeed, the mountain is high, the peak has been reached, and one thing is to achieve this success, and another thing is to keep it. And in this case, the coach is the very person to whom the client can speak out all his doubts and simply share his joys, from whom he can receive feedback, understanding, support, recognition, confidence and, having become a new quality level, and this is for all of us it is necessary, no matter what statuses we have, to go further.

For example, an entrepreneur comes with big ambitions and a large bank account and formulates a request: "My main goal is to make more money." And in the process of working it out, it turns out that making even more money is too primitive for him. He wants to reveal his purpose in this life. And this is where the main work begins.

And therefore, I would not want to set boundaries precisely according to financial or status consistency - we will not take this with us, so to speak, to the lighter worlds after our earthly mortal existence, but we need to deal with our life here.

You can make such a cut of society today: at the first level, for example, general workers, which can include managers, specialists, those who perform some tasks of managers and earn money. At the second level, there are these very leaders, top managers, owners who manage these employees, and there is some kind of relationship between them. That is - someone wants to achieve more, to become an owner, while the owners are afraid to go down. Here again we are talking about confidence, fear, power - these are already psychological moments. The third level is people like, for example, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerberger, John Lennon. That is, those people who can no longer only realize their dreams, but also create a new reality for the whole world, changing people's lives. They can be called "heroes of our time." And their value is not in money, not in some kind of power, but to leave a mark on history. But here it is not necessary to be Steve Jobs, we can also leave a mark in history within our separate family, a kind.

But there is one more level that a coach with clients may be striving to achieve - this is the level of such thinkers, or something. Where the value is not money, not power, but value - knowledge, moreover, that knowledge, intimate, which is inherent only in this given unique subject, personality, who can no longer just deal with his meaning of life, but he can simply produce these meanings of life … And when this person acquires some kind of inner knowledge, inner meanings, he can already work among the "heroes" who determine reality, and among top managers and among employees. And this advantage - of a free, educated, independent person - is very competitive in today's market.

One more aspect. I would divide the human structure into three components: somatic (bodily) - these are our organs, muscle activity, the functioning of the body; psycho-psychological - this is our psyche, our feelings, emotions; and spiritual - our purpose in life, the meaning of our life, the categories of temporality and eternity. And then we can shift this to some meanings. For example: we are formed due to our genotype (that is, what were dad, mom, grandparents) - these are generic moments that manifest themselves in our thinking in our way of life. The second level is the sociotype, this is what is called "with whom you will behave from that and type up" - where we study, where we live, with whom we communicate. And, basically, we all stop at these two steps: what we received from our kind, from our ancestors, and what we received in the environment. But there is also a third type - the phenotype. This is the very unique potential that is inherent and inherent in every person, and it is in the office of a coach or psychoanalyst, psychotherapist that we are trying to find this unique grain, that which is inherent in each person and gives him this unique originality and the very success that is already being applied, including financial and social, precisely when the goal is built according to this algorithm.

(to be continued)

Damian of Sinai,

leadership coach, expert psychoanalys

Head of the Center for Strategic Coaching and Psychotherapy "Innovation Values"