Can't Avoid Acting?

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Video: Can't Avoid Acting?

Video: Can't Avoid Acting?
Video: Bad Actors Who Are In Desperate Need Of Acting Classes 2024, March
Can't Avoid Acting?
Can't Avoid Acting?
Anonim

About the phenomenon of imaginary activity, which helps us not to solve problems

  • What happens to us when we avoid certain situations, feelings or thoughts
  • Avoidance as a manifestation of passivity
  • Other passive behaviors
  • Test “What type of passive behavior are you more inclined to?
  • Answers to the test

You cannot avoid acting … As in the well-known catch phrase “you cannot be pardoned,” the essence of this phrase depends on the setting of a comma. If we consider avoidance as avoiding situations that potentially threaten mental well-being, then it looks more than justified and useful. We all avoid unpleasant experiences. This is understandable, because leaving the comfort zone is painful. But whether avoidance behavior leads to feelings of contentment and joy is debatable. At first glance, it seems that avoidance is an active, purposeful, meaningful action. But, in essence, it represents suppression of activity, since avoidance behavior does not contribute to solving the specific problem that the person is faced with.

When we avoid something in order not to feel uncomfortable, we choose not act. You can avoid certain thoughts, feelings, memories, fantasies, sensations, communication, contact, and other internal or external events.

Avoiding feelings or thoughts

In relation to the same person, we can experience a diverse range of feelings, desires, thoughts, and some of them come into conflict with each other: gratitude and irritation, pity and hatred, attachment and anger, and so on. Feelings "unacceptable" for our "inner critic" can be suppressed by our subconscious (the defense mechanisms of the psyche were first described by Sigmund Freud). The path of avoiding certain feelings and thoughts, however, does not lead to well-being, but creates internal tension, which, in turn, can find a way out in neurotic symptoms. The psychoanalytic direction, and other psychological schools, considered it important to bring these unconscious impulses, drives, feelings into the field of consciousness so that they could be analyzed. Internal tension usually decreases after the expression of "conserved" feelings and thoughts during psychotherapy sessions.

Avoiding situations

Take the example of avoiding certain situations. Let's say that a person is intolerable to the idea that he is being evaluated (and the assessment is certainly not in his favor, he is sure), so he in every possible way avoids such situations: interviews, expressing his ideas at workshops, public speaking, or even getting to know the opposite sex.

In avoidance, as in any defense mechanism, there is a good intention - to ensure the stability and integrity of the psyche. By avoiding situations in which a person can be judged, he protects himself from potential unpleasant experiences and maintains his mental balance. For a short period, this brings relief, but over a longer time horizon, avoidance provokes other problem situations and the person may feel even more severe discomfort. For example, a person who avoids evaluation will restrain his professional growth by his behavior, will not move on to more interesting work, and will suffer from a lack of communication and loneliness. In other words, avoidance is not conducive to personal development.

Avoidance contributes significantly to the progression of depressive symptoms. It turns out a vicious circle: a person is in despondency and apathy, he feels that in such a state he will be a burden to others, therefore he limits his communication, stops meeting friends, as a result, he does not receive external recharge and positive emotions (social stroking), which only aggravates his condition and distorts the perception of the world. In his head, thoughts are spinning that no one needs him, that he is worthless, that it is difficult for people with him.

Often, a person avoiding certain situations is afraid that he will not be able to endure strong emotional experiences. In this exaggeration lies a childish fear: as if these feelings would become so intolerable that they could destroy a person. In reality, unpleasant experiences are inevitable, one way or another we have to deal with them throughout our lives.

Varieties of passive behavior

Avoidance maintains the existence of a problem or symptom and therefore should be viewed as a form of passive behavior. The word "passivity" can evoke associations with lying on the couch, watching TV, flipping through the social media feed. nets or spitting at the ceiling, but, for example, this definition does not fit in with the energetic analysis of unnecessary waste paper. Meanwhile, in certain situations, these actions can be attributed to passive behavior. Namely, in those situations when they replace the solution of urgent problems. In this case, it is activity to justify their passivity.

The Schiff school (one of the directions in transactional analysis) defines passive behavior as internal and external actions that people take in order not to respond to stimuli, problems and not take into account their choices. And also to force others to do something to meet their needs. But passivity is usually not recognized by the person himself.

Schiffs identified 4 types of passive behavior:

Doing nothing (to solve a specific problem)

In this case, all of the person's energy is directed to suppress the reaction. For example, a mother says to her son, "I am outraged at what you did." Instead of answering, the son is silent, while experiencing discomfort. The period of silence can be very long, at some point the mother may feel uncomfortable and want to console her son.

Over-adaptation

This type of behavior, at first glance, seems quite normal and even desirable, approved by society. A person does something that, as it seems to him, others want from him. But (and this is the key point) he did not test this assumption, these are only his fantasies. At the same time, he does not correlate his actions with his goals and needs, this becomes an automatic activity. For example, one of the office workers stays up late at the workplace despite the fact that he does not need this in the form of urgent work, but he feels that he cannot leave while one of his colleagues is in the office. It is as if a person is expected to be the last to leave, although no one from the leadership told him that.

Another kind of overadaptation is to do for others what you want to get yourself. In particular, overprotective behavior towards people around. A hyper-caring person may subconsciously expect that others will thus understand what his need is. And if they do not respond properly, then this person will begin to feel unhappy, but, again, they will not voice their desires.

Agitation (agitation)

When a person commits repetitive non-targeted actions, it is logical to assume that he is in a state of agitation. Feeling internal discomfort, a person can randomly shift something from place to place, walk in circles around the room, and so on. Such activity is aimed at temporary relief of tension, but in no way relates to a problem situation. Moreover, a person in this way only turns himself on more strongly, accumulating energy. If a person next to you is in anxiety, then the best way out would be to take on a kind of parental role, firmly and persistently urging the person to calm down: “Sit down, calm down, breathe evenly” or say other similar directive phrases.

Violence and helplessness

If, during agitation, a critical mass of energy accumulates, then it can splash out into uncontrolled violence. At the same time, a person in a state of passion does not comprehend his behavior, he does not think at this moment. A striking example of such passive behavior can be a situation when a young man who is abandoned or betrayed by a girl, under the influence of emotions, goes to the nearest bar or store and begins to destroy everything in a row, dumping energy. But these aggressive actions are not aimed at solving his problem - he clearly will not establish a relationship with a girl in this way.

The opposite in the form of expression, but very close to violence in essence, is the manifestation of helplessness. In a state of helplessness, a person seems to be physically unable to do something, or feels unwell and pain in various parts of the body. Of course, there is no question that a person deliberately becomes sick, this process, rather, takes place at an unconscious level.

Suppose this situation: an adult son lives with his mother all his life, she psychologically needs his constant presence. And suddenly the son decided to marry and live independently. The mother does not seem to interfere with separation, but the day before the wedding, she becomes physically ill. The wedding is naturally tolerated or canceled (depending on the severity of the mother's symptoms).

What type of passive behavior are you more inclined to?

Awareness is known to be the first step towards change. I suggest you check yourself. Think of a situation when you thought of doing something, but never did, and answer “Yes” or “No” to the following questions:

1. From the moment you decided to do it, have you been sick and unable to do it?

2. Were you very busy so you didn't?

3. Did it happen that when you decided to do it, you didn't have the energy for it?

4. When you decided to do this, did you ask other people for advice on this?

5. Did you have any unpleasant sensations in your body when you decided to do this?

6. Was it so that you had a clear idea of what to do and at the same time did nothing for this?

7. Didn't it happen that at first you planned everything clearly, but then realized that this was an unrealistic plan?

8. Was it so that when you were about to do this, something else happened and distracted you?

Self-test keys:

Look at what questions you answered “Yes”.

Questions # 1 : Tendency to become helpless and violent

Questions # 2 : Agitation Propensity

Questions # 3 : Doing nothing

Questions # 4 and # 7: Propensity to over-adapt

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