2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Friday. The big office clock is ticking by the minutes. 9:04 am. Exactly thirty seconds later, the boss's door will open. She will go out, find Tanya with her eyes and nod her head, inviting her to her office to report on the week. Normal working moment.
But not for Tanya. Every time she sees the boss, fear squeezes her throat like a stranglehold, her tongue becomes heavy and immobile. Under the gaze of the leader, the words get confused, refusing to line up in sentences. Tanya hates herself for this fear. Leaving the office, she promises herself that next time she will definitely keep herself in hand. But the situation repeats itself.
It took me and my client a little over six months to solve this problem. We found four reasons for her panic.
Reason 1. Dark room, or childhood traumatic experience
Tanya is 5 years old. She helps Mom serve Sunday lunch for the whole family. One awkward movement - and a crystal vase of cherry jam flies to the floor. Sweet sticky puddles with heaps of berries on the floor, dark red splashes on furniture and on my mother's favorite dress.
As punishment, Tanya is locked in a cramped dark closet. She's offended - she's not on purpose. And scary: something rustles in the corner. But none of the household reacts to her crying and screaming. The hour spent in the dark room was neither the first nor the last. The older Tanya got, the more there were reasons for punishment.
The boss latently reminds Tanya of her mother - after all, she also has undivided power. Memories of complete helplessness in front of the punishing parent emerge. These memories activate childhood fears, transforming an experienced professional into a frightened girl.
Reason 2. Medusa Gorgon in a pencil skirt, or personal characteristics of the leader
Maria Gennadievna is only 35. But she already occupies a significant position in the company. Responsible, obligatory, ambitious - she knows the value of career growth, and therefore does not stand on ceremony with her subordinates. Strict and demanding. Maria Gennadievna rarely raises her voice - her presence is enough for those around her to be confused.
Tanya turns to stone and grows cold under the harsh appraising gaze of the boss, while she scolds in an even voice that does not tolerate objection. It seems that there is no chance of being right about anything. The slightest mistake and there will be no mercy. Maria Gennadievna knows her business: her task is to force subordinates every minute spent in the office to benefit the employer. Fear is a good help for this.
Reason 3. To be better, or personal characteristics of a subordinate
Tanya is used to being the best since childhood. First places in the music club at reporting concerts. Gold medal at school. Diploma with honors in Plekhanovka. To be lagging behind ?! No! This is not about Tanya.
The habit of always being on top, self-esteem dependent on external achievements, the fear of making a mistake is an excellent breeding ground for uncertainty and fear of leadership. After all, it is the bosses who can strike at unstable self-esteem, not appreciating the work done. Subordinates with such personal characteristics, even with the most loyal leaders, have a constant fear of making a mistake.
Reason 4. An error in calculations, or an unsuccessful first experience of communicating with the boss
Tanya was appointed head of a small communications department. The first week is over. The report was compiled and reviewed for errors.
For the first time in Maria Gennadievna's office with a weekly report, Tanya is a little worried, although she checked it more than once. The boss looks up from the numbers and looks intently at the girl:
- Here you have a mistake.
- Can not be! - Tanya grows cold - I looked through it several times.
- Your calculations are correct, but you have not checked the numbers given to you by the employees, - there is metal in Maria Gennadyevna's voice, her look is heavy, paralyzing, - You have not checked, but this is your duty!
Tanya came to her senses for a long time after that first reporting Friday. A mistake in completing the first assignment and dissatisfaction with the leader can generate further tension and fear in communication. Especially if the boss expresses his dissatisfaction in a harsh manner.
"Kill" Medusa Gorgon, or how to stop being afraid of the boss
When Tanya saw what a cruel joke the habit of always being on top played, she wondered: is this habit so good. Remembering a little frightened girl locked in a dark closet, she cried for a long time. With tears came fears, powerlessness to change something, anger at parents for the unfairness of punishment. Determination was raised not to let this happen again.
After analyzing the reasons for the fear, Tanya decided to move to the next department. She has been working under the supervision of another person for eight months now. Friday morning no longer causes paralyzing fear. Only occasionally, having met Maria Gennadyevna in the corridor, Tanya remembers her experience.
Our meetings with Tanya continue. The locked girl in the closet still takes up too much space in her soul. But more and more often Tanya smiles, more and more often she says that she is happy with herself and with what she is doing. More and more often, instead of "must" and "I must", it sounds: "I want", "I like", "I love so much."
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