Ideal Body Neurosis

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

When the natural desire for self-expression through appearance takes forms that are harmful to health, and preoccupation with appearance absorbs a person so much that it becomes an obstacle to establishing close and vital relationships with other people, there is every reason to talk about the "neurosis of the ideal body." Although there is no such disease in the modern international classification of diseases, it covers a huge number of modern people. Often, it is the rejection of one's body that is the underlying reason for such frequent requests for work with a psychologist, such as some eating disorders, self-doubt, troubles in love and family relationships, and difficulties in social adaptation

The problem of dissatisfaction with appearance is usually considered in relation to women struggling with "extra" pounds or wrinkles. Meanwhile, dissatisfaction with appearance affects the male half of humanity no less than the female. At the same time, two tendencies are clearly distinguished among people of both sexes in their claims to their own bodies. The first is formed on the basis of inconsistency with the prevailing social stereotype of beauty. The second breaks up into a great many individual and cases, behind which one cannot always discern the common thing that unites them.

Indeed, why does one person suffer from protruding ears and does not worry about the curvature of the legs, while another, on the contrary, suffers from the shape of the legs, not worrying about protruding ears, the third, having a model appearance, considers himself “just ugly”, etc. not very easy to understand. Others may consider such experiences a whim and treat them with a slight mockery, but the suffering person himself is not at all laughing. Let us consider both variants of neurotic rejection of one's own appearance, which have a common root and specific prerequisites for development. Let's start with the simpler one related to the beauty standard.

The social role of the naked body

The tradition of the appearance of human bodies in accordance with some social canons is not new. So, for example, in Europe, from about the middle and almost until the end of the last century, the waist size prescribed for beauties was still 20 centimeters less than 60 cm required from modern ladies. The women of that time had to achieve compliance with the parameter of unearthly beauty with the help of a mechanical device called a "corset". The corset displaced vital organs: liver, kidneys, stomach, disrupted the functions of blood circulation and respiration. The victims of beauty not only regularly fainted, but died in their prime.

And in China there has long been a custom of "bandaging women's legs." Here, the main parameter of beauty was "tiny legs". Chinese ladies from "good" families began their journey to them in early childhood. Children's toes were pressed inward, the forefoot was brought to the heel and bandaged tightly … for life. The nails were growing into the skin. The foot was bleeding and festering. Fossilized calluses formed. Such a woman could only walk with assistance or leaning on a stick. And in Myanmar, the Padaungs from time immemorial to the present day have preserved the custom of putting metal rings around their necks, so that the necks of the poor are stretched out like those of giraffes …

The concept of social role helps to advance the understanding of these strange customs. A social role, for example, "Schoolboy", "Husband", "Star", "High society lady" is the sum of expectations, demands, etc. people taking other social roles related to this position. After birth, society offers a person a certain set of social roles, each of which is associated with stereotypical parameters of its ideal performance and appearance.

“Politicians” wear strict business suits, not shorts, “policemen” wear special equipment. Also, the requirements for certain body parameters are external attributes of the social role of the "ideal woman" or "ideal man". These parameters have changed at different times and among different peoples, and now the stormy integration processes in the world have led to the formation of an international standard of appearance.

The beauty standard as a side effect of the fashion industry.

The modern stereotype of beauty is the result of the addition of the modern ideal of an active, athletic, personally liberated person, on the one hand, and its processing by the fashion industry, on the other.

Have you ever wondered why models are selected according to strictly defined anthropometric standards? If the models are of different heights and builds, this will significantly increase the cost of the technological process of sewing and demonstrating fashionable collections.

Imagine the situation. We made a super-collection of things to be shown at some mega-fashion show according to the standards of a handsome or beautiful model with luxurious forms, and he / she got sick on the day of the show. Things will have to be urgently adjusted to fit the figure of a person with completely different sizes! Who needs such force majeure? To prevent this from happening, people working as models must be interchangeable.

A simple way to ensure this is to select people with the same anthropometric characteristics.

Viewers over and over again in magazines and on the catwalks see how beautiful, fashionable clothes, which they so want to have in their wardrobe, are shown by people with strictly defined body parameters. Their facial features may vary, but the shapes are always standard. Does the one who longs to be beautiful and adored by everyone thinks about the utilitarian underpinnings of this standard? Of course not.

Therefore, the conditioned reflex mechanism is triggered, leading to the formation of a stable unconscious inference - the parameters of the models' figures are the same fashionable standard as the clothes they demonstrate. When this unconscious inference arises in the minds of millions of people, it becomes an "ideal." And now we are striving to acquire not only clothes, but also a figure, like models.

The pressure of a social stereotype on a person is strong, and it is especially difficult to resist it for those who seek to gain admiration or at least approval of their appearance in a social group. And this pressure often forces people to take actions that seriously undermine physical and mental health.

At a superficial glance, the standard of beauty for a long time to the present day affects only women, but this is not at all the case. It's just that in society, the female and male standard of appearance is voiced somewhat differently: the female is more demonstrative and explicit, and the male, rather, gradually.

So, as if by itself it is clear to everyone that a "real" man should (!) Be athletic and athletic. Only I have not read about studies devoted to calculating the percentage of men who are naturally endowed with a different type of physique and suffer from the latent neurosis of an ideal body.

The fact that a person's physique is closely related to his psychological constitution has been known for a long time. Thus, the ancient Ayurveda in its recommendations for nutrition and lifestyle is based on the concepts of three types of constitutions "Vatta", Pitta "and Kapha". Getting to know Ayurveda can help you gain the knowledge base for respectful treatment of all body types.

The recognition of only one of all body types as correct and beautiful is the result of a mechanistic and stereotyped view of the human body. Differences in body types are a necessary puzzle of the picture of the world of mankind as a whole. Therefore, the recognition of only one of them as perfect not only infringes upon many individual individuals, it makes the perception of the world view of mankind as a whole defective.

Under the strict parental gaze.

Why until now has not everyone done plastic surgery to bring themselves in line with the modern standard of beauty? It's not just a lack of money. Not everyone has a basic premise - a sufficient degree of rejection of their own body, which is created in early childhood.

"Why do you have such big ears / nose / legs?" - this is a quote not from "Little Red Riding Hood", but from the addresses of parents to children.

Not every child has an answer. “When I was a teenager, my mother very often exclaimed:“And who have you got such big legs for! - says a girl suffering from chronic anxiety, and therefore I always tried to buy shoes one size smaller, I was very shy that I have 39.” “My dad always told me that I was a puff,” says the guy who asked for help in overcoming feelings of insecurity.

An even more serious trap, unwittingly created by some parents for their children, is the silent partial or complete rejection of their physicality.

Each person feels when his parents do not like something in him. Just like a pretty young girl who decided on a rare, expensive and very risky for health and even life plastic surgery. Her dad was clearly and loudly opposed, but her mother … although she did not say what was “for”, her streamlined phrases boiled down to the fact that the girl needs to decide for herself, because she is already an adult. But my daughter expected completely different words from her: "You are my most beautiful!" Perhaps her own childhood mother's dream of an "ideal" body did not allow her to pronounce them.

Parents usually like children just because they look like them. However, this acceptance can be violated for a number of reasons.

The most common of these are two:

1. Aggressive attitude of one of the parents towards the other transferred to the child. For example, a mother divorced her father and, seeing in the child the features of her now not beloved husband, she reproaches and punctures the child with this. "Ah … you're just like that guy." Such reproaches, unfortunately, can relate not only to the appearance, but to the personality as a whole. And this makes them even more traumatic.

2. The transfer by the parent to the child of the rejection of his own body. In this case, the discovery in the child of similarity with himself may not be pleasing, but cause irritation and grief, lead to unconscious pressure on the child.

In practice, behind the neurosis of an ideal body in a teenager or adult, there is always a lack of unconditional approving acceptance by the parents of the child's appearance at a very early age. After all, parents are the most significant people for a child. As he gets older, the significance of parental ratings normally decreases. Moreover, the teenager often enters into active confrontation with them. For him, the opinion of peers and idols comes to the fore. However, if he has an early childhood trauma of parental rejection, self-doubt, makes him vulnerable to harsh, negative peer reviews, which are difficult to avoid in adolescence.

So the girl, whose mother disapproved of the size of her feet, a year later experienced, like a cruel blow, the request of her beloved friend not to go to school with her. “My boyfriend is embarrassed to go with us because you are too tall,” said a friend. After that, the girl began to be ashamed of her 174 centimeters, and consider herself a "bigwig", not worthy of the attention of men.

Light my mirror, tell me …

It is important to clearly understand that a person's subjective dissatisfaction with his appearance in no way correlates with the objective parameters of his body. Consider herself "ugly", maybe even the winner of a beauty contest. And no matter what the "imperfection" of what detail of the natural body worries a person, behind this there is a longing to be accepted and loved as it is. So, if you are wondering how to help a person suffering from a neurosis of an ideal body, become for him a magic mirror - always telling the pure truth: "You are the sweetest in the world."

Subjective truth, born of sincere feelings, is indeed capable of working miracles. However, be prepared for the fact that it will take more mental effort to create a miracle than you expected. After all, the person whom you decided to help is surrounded by many other not magic, but crooked mirrors, which loudly and obsessively tell him something completely different. “You are not beautiful / not beautiful”, “Nobody can like you like / like you” and other rubbish. And, therefore, you will have to try to make the person believe you, and not them! Needless to say, the task of helping one individual person would be much easier if in our society rude jokes about the individual characteristics of the structure of the human body caused not laughter, but condemnation, as actions that offend the honor and dignity of the individual.

Do you think our society is far from this? Indeed, in order for the mass attitude towards the human body to change, it is necessary that deep respect for the natural body, an understanding of its importance for the development of the soul and spirit of man, take deep roots in culture.

About a radical way to help oneself get rid of the neurosis of an ideal body.

A lot has been said above that concern about appearance, which develops into its painful rejection, appears as a result of the inability to get approval and acceptance of one's appearance from significant other people. However, the problem is aggravated by the fact that the mind of a person immersed in the neurotic experiences of his physical imperfection selectively passes only negative feedback, and closes it to positive. In this case, training in body-oriented practices can help, aimed at developing the person's ability to feel his body from the inside, instead of looking at it from the outside.

Think, none of us have ever seen our face, ears, nose or neck in reality. We only saw their reflection in the mirror and in the eyes of other people. By diligently embellishing our appearance, we do it for others, not for ourselves. Self-love, self-care is based on feeling your body, understanding its needs, and not on how it looks, therefore, it is much more important for each person to be in contact with their body "from the inside", to feel and hear its needs. Each of us had this contact from birth, when we were guided by how we feel, and did not even suspect that we somehow looked. Restoring the original contact with your body is the most direct and radical way to overcome the neurosis of the ideal body.

How can this be done? With the help of body-oriented psychotherapy and independently mastering yoga and qigong - ancient bodily practices, on the basis of which modern body-oriented psychotherapy is based. These practices have been created and improved over the millennia, as the practice of achieving mental balance, harmony with oneself and the world.

I have been practicing qigong and yoga for over 15 years and in my work I help people to return and make deeper natural contact with the body. Restoring this contact allows a person to stop worrying about their appearance, begin to feel and understand themselves better and, living in their natural body, open up to receive warmth, attention, respect and love in relationships with other people.