EVOLUTION OF CHILDHOOD Or What Historians Don't Want To Talk About

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

EVOLUTION OF CHILDHOOD: how children were treated at different periods of history

Childhood story is a nightmare from which we have only recently begun to awaken

L. De Mose

This is how the Evolution of Childhood section of Lloyd De Mauz's Psychohistory begins.

And just one such beginning can outrage many: what a nightmare, what are we talking about, but children are the most sacred thing that happened at all times?

But the question is, do we want to know the truth, which often takes us into the zone of discomfort, or we want to stay in our illusions, staying in the comfort zone.

De Moses chose the first - the truth. That is why he carried out a unique huge analysis of real historical documents, summarizing which he came to a disappointing conclusion: the deeper into history, the more terrible were the attitudes of adults towards children with all the ensuing consequences.

For example, the Roman Stoic philosopher Seneca (4th century BC) wrote:

“We break the head of a mad dog; we slaughter the raging bull; we put a sick sheep under the knife, otherwise it will infect the rest of the flock; we destroy abnormal offspring; in the same way, we drown children who are weak and abnormal at birth. So this is not anger, but the mind that separates the sick from the healthy."

It must be said that with his research and publications, Lloyd de Mose caused a wave of criticism and indignation among many scientists, especially historians. Certainly his conclusions did not correspond to the descriptions of history to which most of us are accustomed.

After conducting a detailed analysis of attitudes towards children in all historical periods, de Mose came to the conclusion that as mankind developed, attitudes towards children also changed. He identified 6 basic styles of upbringing from the beginning of time to the present day. Elements of each of these styles can be found today in different families with different parents.

De Mose writes that one of the factors that most affects the psyche of a child is the behavior of an adult when he is face to face with a child

An adult can have three options for reactions:

1. Use the child for their projections

For example, when a mother says to a baby: “You deliberately annoy me with your constant crying,” she projects her anger onto the child. It is clear that a baby cannot “deliberately” irritate the mother.

2. Use the child as a substitute for the person who was meaningful to this adult in his own childhood

For example, when parents expect from a small child that in response to their behavior, care, he will also show love, affection, empathy, and if he does not do this or does not do it as often as the parents want, then he is punished or accused. In fact, the parents in this case are trying to fulfill their own unmet need for love from their parents.

3. Empathize with the child's needs and act to meet them

For example, when a child cries at night from gas in the intestines, cannot fall asleep for a long time, the mother picks him up, shakes him, hugs him, UNDERSTANDING what is happening to him (on a logical or intuitive level) and trying to satisfy HIS need for warmth, care, love (while not denying that she herself can be anxious, angry, etc.).

It was from this position that Lloyd de Mose identified 6 main parenting styles that have been inherent in parents since the beginning of time to this day

1 parenting style - infanticide

(from the beginning of the existence of mankind until the 4th century AD)

The essence

A child who was not impeccable in shape or size, who cried too little or too much, or for some reason did not satisfy the parents, as a rule, was killed.

The first child, as a rule, was kept alive to procreate. Boys were valued more than girls.

The murder of a child by his parents began to be considered as murder only (!) In 374 AD! However, this was done largely not because of concern for the lives of children, but because of concern for the souls of the parents, if we talk about the religious context. At the same time, in the 1890s, dead children on the streets of London were still a common sight.

The child was not treated as a child or as an individual. It was common practice to throw swaddled children around. Brother Henry IV was thrown from one window to another for fun, dropped, and he crashed.

In fact, the parent was psychologically completely alienated from his child. When parents were afraid that the child would be difficult to raise or feed, they usually killed him, and this had a huge impact on the surviving children.

Children were considered a repository of evil spirits, unclean forces, sacrificed to the gods for their own redemption … (i.e. clear water projection)

Our days

"And what have I got to do with it?" - a question may arise from current parents. On the one hand, it has nothing to do with it. On the other hand, you can still find echoes of this parenting style. As in the literal sense, when parents, who are not ready to fulfill the function of parents, kill their child (either on their own or leaving them to certain death). Or in a figurative sense, when mom or dad, having not slept all night because of the crying of the child, feel as if the child is deliberately harassing them, crying in spite, mocking them, preventing them from sleeping, deliberately not calming down, etc. That is, in fact, they project onto the child their OWN feelings associated with the parents themselves, and not with the child.

2 parenting style - leaving.

(from IV to XII century)

The essence

Parents began to recognize the soul in the child, and the only way to avoid the manifestation of dangerous projections for the child was to actually reject it.

The most pronounced and oldest form of child abandonment is open trafficking in children. Trafficking in children was legal in the time of Babylon and was probably common among many peoples of antiquity.

In addition, for this period, it was quite natural to give the child to be raised in someone else's family. There he was brought up until the age of seventeen, and then returned to his parents.

There were a lot of rational "correct" explanations for the actual abandonment of children. “So that he can learn to speak” (Disraeli), “to stop being shy” (Clara Barton), for the sake of “health” (Edmund Burke, daughter of Mrs. Sherwood), “in reward for the medical services rendered” (patients of Jerome Cardan and William Douglas). Sometimes parents admit that they are giving up their children simply because they do not want them (Richard Waxter, Johann Wutzbach, Richard Savage, Swift, Yeats, August Hare, etc.). Ms. Hare's mother speaks of the usual carelessness in this matter: “Yes, of course, the child will have to be sent as soon as we wean him; and "if someone wants a baby, be kind, remember that we have more."

Boys were preferred, of course; In the nineteenth century, a woman writes to her brother, asking him about the following child:

“If it's a boy, I'll claim him; if it’s a girl, we’ll have to wait for the next time.”

However, the predominant form of legalized abandonment of children in the past was still raising children with a wet nurse. And although there were experts who considered this widespread custom harmful, they were not guided in this by the interests of the child. And the fact that, being brought up by a wet nurse, a child of the upper class can receive milk and blood from a woman of the lower class (which were the nurses). And at the same time, everyone knew perfectly well that a child is much more likely to die if he is brought up by a wet nurse than at home (just as modern research shows that the mental and physical development of babies is sharply reduced if they are brought up in a child's home).

According to de Moses, in 1780The head of the Paris police gives the following approximate figures: every year 21,000 children are born in the city, of which 17,000 are sent to the villages to nurse, 2,000 or 3,000 are sent to homes for babies, 700 are nursed by wet-nurses in their parents' house, and only 700 are breastfed.

Separately, it is worth mentioning swaddling, the tradition of which remains strong in our time (fortunately, in a much softer manner).

For adults, swaddling provided invaluable benefits - when the baby was already swaddled, he was rarely paid attention to. As recent medical research has shown, swaddled babies are extremely passive, their heart rate is slow, they cry less, sleep much more, and are generally so quiet and sluggish that they give parents very little trouble.

Often there are descriptions of how children are put for several hours behind a hot stove, hung on a carnation in the wall, put in a tub and generally "left like a bundle in any suitable corner."

Thus, with the abandoning style of upbringing, although the child was not killed (as often as before), the parents often tried to get rid of him, giving him to another person for upbringing. In addition, the parents tried to make the child as “comfortable” as possible and not causing any hassle. And the fact that the means by which all this was done, brought the child suffering, pain, and sometimes could lead to death, were usually not worried.

Our days

Are there any echoes of this parenting style today?

I think everyone can answer for themselves. It seems to me that yes. Moreover, even with "good" parents. For example, when a child is swaddled, not to calm him down and allow him to sleep better and deeper, but to put him in a state where he will not interfere and cause anxiety.

In this regard, I recall the statement of the famous psychologist Eric Erickson: “Russians have such expressive eyes, apparently because they were heavily swaddled in childhood”.

Although, of course, the work of de Moses shows that this was by no means a national feature, but almost ubiquitous customs in different countries.

3 parenting style - ambivalent.

(from XII to XVII century)

The essence

De Moses writes that during this period, the child was allowed to enter the emotional life of the parents, but he was still a repository of dangerous adult projections.

So, the task of the parents was to "mold" it into "shape", "forge" it. Among philosophers from Dominici to Locke, the most popular metaphor was the comparison of children with soft wax, plaster, clay, which must be shaped.

This stage is marked by strong ambivalence. The beginning of the stage can be dated approximately to the fourteenth century, when many manuals on raising children appeared, the cult of Mary and the baby Jesus spread, and the "image of a caring mother" became popular in art.

One of the features of this style was the special attitude to the child's bowel movements. It was believed that in the gut of children lurks something daring, vicious and rebellious in relation to adults. The fact that the baby's bowel movements smelled and looked bad meant that in fact, somewhere deep down, he was treating others badly. No matter how calm and obedient he may be on the outside, his feces have always been viewed as an offensive message from some inner demon, an indication of the "bad disposition" hidden by the child, writes de Mose.

That is, the parents, although they already treated the child as a separate person, nevertheless projected onto him a huge number of their own complexes, fears and anxieties.

Another feature was that the parents were more emotionally involved in the child's life, but in a very peculiar way - through punishment and beating. De Mose writes that according to his data, a very large percentage of children in those days were regularly beaten. Moreover, most of the "luminaries" of that time were very approving of this (and now?..)

Children were beaten, they grew up and in turn beat their own children. This was repeated century after century. Open protests were seldom heard. Even those humanists and educators who were famous for their kindness and gentleness, such as Petrarch, Ashem, Comenius, Pestalozzi, approved of beating children; Milton's wife complained that she could not bear the screams of her nephews when her husband beat them; Beethoven whipped his students with knitting needles and sometimes pricked them.

And although in the Middle Ages, especially towards its end, they began to believe that beating a child to death is a violation of the law, while almost everyone agreed that beating "within reasonable limits" was possible and even necessary.

Our days

I think, regarding this style of upbringing, a much larger part of parents agree that at least they have heard that corporal punishment is used against children now, and as a maximum they themselves have used or are using it.

And how can we not recall the famous rationalization "beats, it means he loves", which is usually applied to the husband, and not to the child, but reflects the moment of rationalization and legalization of actual violence.

Well, and the message that you can "mold" any desired shape from a child, I think, is familiar to many of today's educators, teachers and parents.

4 parenting style - imposing

(from the 17th to the 18th century)

The essence

As de Moose writes, the child during this period was already to a much lesser extent an outlet for projections, and the parents did not so much try to investigate him from the inside with the help of an enema, but to get closer to him more closely and gain power over his mind and already through this power to control him inner state, anger, needs, masturbation, even his very will.

When a child was raised by such parents, his own mother cared for him; he was not subjected to swaddling and constant enemas; he was taught to go to the toilet early; not forced, but persuaded; they beat me sometimes, but not systematically; punished for masturbation; obedience was often compelled by words

Threats were used much less frequently, so that true empathy became quite possible, that is, a real emotional interest in the other and empathy for the other.

Some pediatricians were able to achieve an overall improvement in parental care for their children and, as a consequence, a decrease in infant mortality, which laid the foundation for demographic changes in the 18th century.

It is important to observe de Moses about the consequences for the children of the rough upbringing of the parents. So, n Until about the 18th century, childhood hallucinations, nightmares, dance mania, and physical retardation were quite common consequences of improper upbringing.

So, if now it is believed that normally the child already begins to walk by 10-12 months (and someone earlier), then in earlier times there are references that the child began to walk at 28 months, 22, 60, 108, 34 and etc.

Our days

Toilet training in children remains important today, although now psychologists have revealed the important meaning of this stage specifically for the child.

However, even now, in different countries and in different families, there are attitudes to teach the child to use the toilet as early as possible, so that it causes as little inconvenience as possible, and so that parents can control him.

So, in some European countries, they are now trying to teach a child to the toilet even at 6 months.

In this regard, I recall the remark of my psychotherapy teacher (who, in fact, introduced me then to psychohistory) that early potty training and voluntary urination may in the future in adulthood lead to a weakening of sexual experiences during intimacy. Since, getting used to the toilet too early, the child is forced to strain the pelvic muscles, which are not yet prepared for this, and subsequently this tension can persist for a lifetime.

5 upbringing style - socializing

(from the 19th to the middle of the 20th century)

The essence

As the projections continue to weaken, the upbringing of the child is no longer so much in mastering his will as in training it, directing it to the right path.

The child is taught to adapt to circumstances, socialize

Until now, in most cases when the problem of parenting is discussed, the socializing model is taken for granted, this style of relationship has become the basis of all psychological models of the twentieth century - from Freud's "channeling impulses" to Skinner's behaviorism

This is especially true for the model of sociological functionalism. In the nineteenth century, fathers became much more likely to show interest in their children, sometimes even relieving the mother of the hassle of parenting.

With a socializing style of upbringing, the main idea is to instill in the child the right habits, norms of behavior in society, etc.

The main thing is to raise a child so that he is as much and better as possible adapted to life in society. On the one hand, this is a great progress in comparison with previous parenting styles, when the child was almost not considered a person. On the other hand, the main thing in this style of upbringing, after all, is not a child, but social values.

Our days

To think that this style was by no means finished in the middle of the 20th century, and continues to be successfully applied by most parents to this day. And to this day, many parents take him, as de Moose writes, something for granted.

A little exaggerated, the main message of many modern parents can be expressed as follows: do not indulge in order to study well, to finish school well, to enter a university, to get a good profession, to find a well-paid job, and then live well in retirement.

6 parenting style - helpful

(from the middle of XX century)

This style is based on the assumption that the child knows his needs better than the parent at every stage of development

Both parents are involved in the child's life, they understand and satisfy his growing individual needs

No attempt is made at all to discipline or shape "traits."

Children are not beaten or scolded, they are forgiven if they stage scenes in a state of stress.

To be a servant, not a master of a child, to understand the causes of his emotional conflicts, to create conditions for the development of interests, to be able to calmly relate to periods of regression in development - this is what this style implies, and so far few parents have tried it with all consistency on their children.

From books that describe children brought up in a helping style, it is clear that as a result, kind, sincere people grow up, not prone to depression, with a strong will, who never do "like everyone else" and do not bow to authority.