2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
We meet manipulations in communication every day: in the family, at work, in communication with friends and strangers. Bringing to your attention the five most common manipulations in communication
1. Lack of constant distance
How it happens. You are constantly changing the rules for communicating with others, although your role has long been established. You constantly feel the urge to move away or, on the contrary, to start closer communication. Example. You start a very frank conversation with your coworkers that they never expected from you. Or, on the contrary, you communicate very coldly with a friend or girlfriend - you disappear for a month.
Why is this manipulation? Because those with whom you communicate each time have to adjust to a new format of relations. More stable people, after two or three such manipulation jumps, move away, and the manipulator person gets another attachment injury.
2. You constantly justify yourself with your emotions
We are all living people, and there are times when we lose our temper, we can shout, cry, be offended, behave harshly. But if you justify your behavior with phrases like: “I was tired, so I yelled, said nasty things,” “I freaked out, so I threw your phone at the wall,” you should think about it. First, how often do you use this manipulation and do you abuse your problems? Secondly, how long will your partner be able to make allowances for your problems and "forget" all the hurtful words and deeds that you did in this impulse.
3. You move your personal boundaries back and forth
How it happens. You often pretend to be comfortable. You go somewhere or do something just out of politeness. You do not talk about what worries you, because you think that the interlocutor will not be interested in it. Usually, after that you begin to make claims that you have fulfilled your part of the "contract", endured an uninteresting conversation, went somewhere you did not want, but your partner in the "mental deal" did not. This is the manipulation - these "contracts" exist only in your head, the other party is forced to either guess about their terms, or be in the dark until it receives a claim for not fulfilling its part
4. You do something as if unselfishly, in fact, you expect something in return
As it happens, you offer to help your friend move. It seems to your friend that you are doing this from a pure heart, and you have already mentally appointed a fee, for example, an invitation to a housewarming party.
⠀ After the move is completed, you do not receive an invitation and are offended. And your friend does not understand why you have lost interest in him.
5. You are outside the rules
How it happens: You are not subject to general agreements. You understand that, of course, you need to observe them, but every time, something happens that prevents you from observing them, and of course justifies your act. You are late for a meeting with friends for an hour or more, and make everyone wait for you, but you are not to blame for wanting to go to the toilet, and why warn, you are quick.
You have not done your part of the work, you are not to blame, you just have a headache. You forgot about the meeting and simply did not come, you are not to blame, because it was this week that you were overwhelmed with work, and the agreement simply flew out of your head.
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