Save A Child From Life

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Save A Child From Life
Save A Child From Life
Anonim

“I want you to have a better childhood than me. So that you have everything that I was deprived of."

"I want my child to have the very best."

In fact, it sounds like this - I want my child not to experience everything that I had to endure - the Soviet kindergarten, getting up before dark. To be protected at school. In order not to chew the shame of poor clothes in times of total shortage and lack of money. So that he has the clothes that he likes. So that he is not ashamed of his appearance. So that he could bring friends home, he was not ashamed of the apartment in which he lives.

“No one took care of my mother. She was born immediately after the war. There was no time for caring for children then. It's good that we're alive, it's good that there is food and a roof over your head. She was released at the age of seven, distant lands across the field and forest on foot, in order to bring something to someone. It never occurred to anyone to worry about her. A grandmother from a peasant family where there were eleven children, during the dispossession of her five-year-old child, she was driven along a dusty road, tied by her hand to a cart. Even before that, her childhood life was not like a fairy tale - hard peasant labor, washing in the river in ice water, caring for younger children. No one took care of it either before or after - not from physical labor, not from hunger, not from war, not from murders, deaths, hardships.

Maybe that's why my mother wanted so much to keep me safe? In the nineties, it didn't work out very well. The shortage, everything according to coupons, lack of money for food, working three jobs, the vegetable garden only helped out. Mom didn't really manage to keep me safe, but she tried, I remember. And I? I also want to save my children from garbage, dirt, hardships, unnecessary efforts to live; I want to save them from all the "truth of life."

And this truth of life climbs from all cracks. From the screens of computers and telephones - it corrupts, lures, teaches more trenchantly than the "street". Adherents of suicidal groups, pedafiles of all stripes, and God knows who else crawl from social networks. School, street, childrens and teenagers groups. The child is not protected by parents everywhere, no matter how much one wants it - neither from debauchery, nor from rudeness, nor from crimes against children.

The only thing that in essence can protect a child is clear rules of what can and cannot be done, and the development of your own instinct - with whom you can communicate, and from whom you should stay away, how to behave in critical situations. So that the child knows, understands with the spinal cord that it is impossible to climb there.

This understanding can be formed if there is trust between the child and the parents, if the child can tell. And parents can listen and explain, according to an adult, what is happening and what exactly threatens the child in a difficult situation. This is especially true for adolescents.

At the present time, in comparison with past centuries, the attitude towards children has changed a lot. Our society is called "child-centered", and indeed - "The value of human life has never been so great" (Ekaterina Shulman, political scientist). Especially a child's life. We now value nothing as highly as a child's life.

I often meet in adults the need to create a fairy tale for their children. An example of a fairy tale is well shown in the cult film Life is Beautiful. A Jewish father who ended up with his son in a concentration camp, at the cost of incredible courage and some kind of colossal faith, creates a fairy tale for his son, turning his stay in a concentration camp into a game. And even dies "jokingly" with a smile on his face.

He defended the child's delicate psyche from the inhuman conditions and horror of the concentration camp. No child on earth should go through this.

Only I have a feeling that sometimes, in our imagination and subjective perception, we put the world around us in terms of horror on the same level as a concentration camp. And then the natural reaction is to shield, protect, take the blow. Create a protective cocoon for your child.

We want to create something similar to a mother's womb, where it is nourishing, cozy and warm. but in order to be born, the child must come out of the mother's womb

In ordinary life, there is death, fear, horror, pain, danger, betrayal, disappointment.

The ability to deal with this, to experience, will allow the child to develop an adequate reaction and protect him from troubles.

Experiencing loss

It is important for a child to learn to experience loss - to mourn a toy that is broken or lost; 100 rubles, which he was given for ice cream, but they paid out of pocket; a broken tablet, on which he banged his fist in his hearts, in an instant when the game did not go well. Everything. Now he is gone. It is broken and cannot be repaired. There are situations where you are to blame, and where it just happened, but the fact remains that what was so dear to you is no longer there. It is important not to discount the loss, especially if it is a trifle and "everything can be bought", but to give the child the opportunity to live this loss.

The experience of loss

Death of a pet, death of someone from the family, death of someone who was dear to the child. It is important to allow the child or adolescent to face this fact and support them in their grief.

I have seen a lot of cases when the child was not told about the death of a pet. There were precedents in my practice when a child was not told about the death of his parents for several months, fearing his grief. The child “knows” feels that something is wrong, but cannot understand what. It is important that the death of a loved one is said in terms accessible to the child. For the kid: "He (she) went on a magic train to a distant country, where there is only one way ticket." And the teenager is already able to master the idea that death exists. That a loved one leaves forever. And it's true that we all will die someday.

The right to truth. "Mystery for a Child"

It happens that for the "good of the child" they lie to him for years that the parents have not divorced.

Or they don't say that he is adopted. In many countries, there is no secret of adoption. And this law was adopted out of the interests of the child. It is important for him to know. Know about your roots, about your past. That there was no feeling of "substitution". All foster children will find out about it someday. You can't keep an awl in a sack. I know adults who all their lives felt that something was wrong, but only closer to forty decided to find out. This is a rotten feeling that you could have found your real parents when you were young - to meet your father, to see your mother - but you were not allowed to do so. And now you can only come to their grave. You can look for the threads of your roots, find out that you have brothers and sisters … It is important for any person to know where he comes from. To restore your history.

"Lies about chocolate childhood"

I know parents who do their best to keep their child from knowing about the real financial situation of the family. Often mothers who raise their children on their own suffer from this. It seems to them that they are simply obliged to compensate their child for the absence of a father, they are obliged to pull the strap for two, "so that he does not need anything," so that everything is no worse than that of others, "all the best." Expensive iPhones on credit, sports bicycles, the best mugs, crazy clothes. As a result, mother repeats the story of a mother in besieged Leningrad, making incisions in her arms in order to feed her children with her blood. The mother practically feeds herself, collapsing, depleting, giving much more than she can give.

Children are able to bear the truth about the real state of affairs, that there really is no money, that we cannot afford such things. Children of any age are able to understand this.

"The Adult Truth of Life"

Teenage girls need to know exactly what will happen if they sit with someone in the car, if they come to the apartment of unfamiliar guys. What exactly will happen. An adult woman knows this, but a young girl does not. Especially if she is 10-12 years old. How to behave if someone in a correspondence on a social network requires your nude photos. If they start to blackmail you, demand a meeting, they want to know your address. If someone urges you to drink or eat something, what needs to be done. The mother should tell all her daughters about this, no matter how terrible these stories are. A healthy biological fear is a great safeguard against problems. A young girl should develop a flair for situations where it smells like fried.

She will have to make a decision very often. The most.

A child, like any baby mammals, must learn to distinguish between "poisonous grass", "enemies, those who will eat mine," he must learn to distinguish between bad people and good people. Do not mess with the first and be friends with the second. He must distinguish between whom he can approach, and from whom he should stay further.

Fear is a biological brake - a marker for the psyche "don't go there!" Fearlessness is needed only in war, when you defend the interests of your country at the cost of your life. In ordinary life, it is important to “smell with your ass”, “keep your ears on top” and “nose to the wind”.

But this will not happen if the child is either too intimidated or completely unaware of the world around - which is essentially the same thing.

It is important for every parent that the child finds his or her place in life. Was adapted to the world around. So that he can survive the blows of fate and accept its challenges.

So that when he flies away from the nest to a decent position, he can lean on his own wings.

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