About Parenting

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

As parents, we are forced to constantly make decisions that in one way or another affect the lives of our children. For a long time, it is we who determine what they eat, where they live, what and where they go, in which schools they study and even with whom they are friends. We raise a child in our own image and likeness, striving to create an improved copy of ourselves. We hide our own complexes and unfulfilled needs behind the slogan "I know what is best." This is natural, but wrong.

Naturally, because people tend to try on any situation for themselves. Wrong - because “to grow” means to help grow up, and not to dazzle in your own image and likeness, periodically breaking through the knee.

We are all self-centered and tend to put ourselves at the center of what is happening. We assess other people's actions, life and even plans for the future through the prism of our values, skills, abilities and past experience. Oddly enough, in this, adults are not too different from babies who pull everything into their mouths. We simply do not know how to define otherwise what is good and what is bad. If we like it - great. If not, it's bad, drop kaku.

Sometimes our children's aspirations for self-realization and self-expression, which are not understandable to parents or repulsive to them for some reason, become “KAKO”. Someone is categorically against tattoos, someone does not like it when a boy dyes his hair, someone like a butt on the head is deafened by the news of homosexuality or gender inconsistency of their beloved child. Each parent has its own pain threshold and level of tolerance. Someone calmly reacts to teenage riots, tolerates colorful feathers and accepts motley companies of child friends in the house, but breaks down on the child's simple desires to go to study in another city or start a family “at the wrong age”. Someone, on the contrary, forbids piercing the ears and using lipstick, but calmly marries the youngster to an unloved adult man, "so that it is like people."

Every parent has two scenarios in their heads - perfect and failed. Ideal is where our children live OUR life according to OUR plan. They don't make mistakes where we made mistakes, do what we dreamed of, and reach heights where we have suffered a crushing defeat. All this is served under the sauce "take my experience to be happy", although in essence the dish is called "do as I do - parents. Reboot".

It does not matter at all whether the parents are successful or not. The successful ones want to repeat their victories on a double scale. Unsuccessful - fixes of their own mistakes and mistakes. Think, if something did not go according to plan, after all, it is not the children that disappoint you, but the inconsistency of their actions with your ideal scenario. What if your child is HAPPY, living his life at his own pace? What if he draws strength and inspiration from what you believe is a completely failed scenario? What if your definition of "well-being" is unacceptable to him? Is it really more important to prove your case at any cost? Think about it. I am not calling you to anything. I am only drawing your attention to this.

It's always easier said than done. I am not a child psychologist, this is not my specialty. But I often work with parents who cannot understand that their baby is a separate person. We can and must help her to form, but the main thing that we must - is to act in her interests. What does it mean? This means keeping a distance, learning to listen and hear, taking into account not only the obvious "winning" data, but also simple desires. Not all classes bring obvious results in the form of cups and certificates. There is no need to look for economic benefits in the interests of the child, forbidding him to do what he loves, because “you cannot live on it”. Not all professions are "money", but you do not want to raise an ATM, but a happy realized person? And let's not forget that sometimes what we are trying to artificially "shove" into a child at an early age, a little later often comes naturally and harmoniously.

My son has excellent hearing and long musician fingers. He would make a good pianist. But as a child, he wanted to play football and tennis. He never became a champion, but he can, without looking, catch an apple thrown from another corner of the room. Also the result, I think:). And the music, which had excited my mother's imagination for so long, "came" by itself - a little later. And despite all my predictions, ambitions and attempts to cram as much as possible into him (from karate and fencing to equestrian sports), he became exactly what he wanted to be from the age of five - a writer. Is this a “profitable” profession? I don't know, but she definitely brings him happiness.