2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Parental support! How do you feel when you read or say this phrase? To me it sounds like a kind of foundation on which you can build anything, and there will be: happiness, acceptance, support, understanding, participation and love. Of course, if you had this very parental support in your childhood. That is important that we carry through all childhood and then, through all adult life.
Why am I writing about parental support? Quite often, clients' requests contain pain, resentment, anger at parents, and one of the reasons is the absence or minimal amount of this parental support.
What is this "parental support"? Parental support and participation is when you are accepted with your successes and failures, when your parents love you with your good character traits and bad habits. This is when you can trust your parents in the most incomprehensible, alarming and even scary situations. Parental support is when they believe in your abilities, even when you fail the first time. When parents teach a child to understand his own (child's) emotions, so that he (the child) can cope with the spectrum of his and others' emotions in different situations: with positive, pleasant and negative. Parents' support consists in the fact that they will not do it instead of the child, but they will explain in a very accessible way and show by example how to achieve the best result. This is when your parents respect your opinion, even if it is radically different from their decisions. This is an understanding of your boundaries, their acceptance and their minimal violation. When parents help to learn to defend their opinion, but not with their fists, but with a developed sense of humor, critical thinking and the ability to competently express their thoughts. Participation and support by the parents of their child / children and in not controlling, but taking an interest in the life of their children, their interests, worries, joys, emotions. Do not pull the child to the heights of success, but emotionally support in everything. Yes…. a lot has been written. But, probably, this is not all.
But if you think about it, how much of the above was in your childhood? And if you are already parents yourself, then do you give your children such parental support? If yes, then you are a happy person, you have found yourself, your favorite business and have a happy family, and your children will be able to find themselves and be happy.
Of course, as a psychologist, no one comes to me to boast about their happiness. Just the opposite. People who have not received this very parental support have problems with boundaries, with self-acceptance, problems in building a personal life, with self-confidence, with self-love.
What to do? Learns to accept yourself as you are, to find something to respect yourself for, to love. Yes, you will not replace your own parents, but you will get what you lacked and lack now. Through yourself and soya change, acceptance, you can give such parental support to your children, because you are the most important example for them. And finally, parental support is a skill that no school or university teaches. But this is what we learn throughout our life as a parent. This is a kind of art - inspiration for this.
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