No More Strength

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Our inner forces (we are talking about psychic energy, not physical) help us: move in life, achieve accomplishments, rejoice, receive and experience happiness, and much more.

So where do these powers come from? The very first and most important thing is harmony with yourself. It sounds very pretentious, of course. But this is exactly the case. Only living a life in harmony with oneself, a life that meets inner needs and relies on reality, brings pleasure and happiness. And it is important not only to experience good emotions, but also to feel negative ones. Although I would call them that only conditionally.

If we live only from the "must" position. If this "must" only puts pressure on us, makes us forget about ourselves, our desires, our needs. As a result, we do not go our own way and come to a dead end.

Very often people come to me with a request: "I don't want anything", "I don't know … I don't know anything at all"

What is it about? Probably about inner loss, fatigue, insecurity. Sometimes this state is confused with laziness. But laziness is about something else entirely. Very often, laziness about fear and the inability to overcome it. Please do not confuse laziness with rest, rest (both mental and physical) is extremely necessary for everyone.

So how to deal with all this? The very first thing to do is define what we want. Ask yourself the question: "Do I want this or is it necessary for someone else?" Need to make good money? Who needs? To you? For what? Perhaps the psychological trauma of the past requires this. And the fact that “but before I could” does not at all say that you can now. So, right now is the time to part with the burden of the past and start living your life.

I once worked with a young man who wanted nothing at all. Even to the question: "Do you want to go to psychotherapy?" he answered: “I don’t know …” And the whole thing was in the psychological trauma of childhood. When his mother raised him alone, she was always tired and did not want anything at home. The pain of rejection of the mother's love, the fear of losing even that little thing to eat made me want nothing.

And something new and interesting fascinates and fascinates us only because we ourselves want it. And the principle of pleasure (our psyche always strives to satisfy inner desire) plays an important role. In fact, the pleasure principle can be quite insidious. Internally, we seem to get pleasure, but in fact, we may not. Let me give you an example. The woman had rather strict parents and they lived modestly. The spending of money was constantly monitored. Already as an adult, she married, for whose man she was extremely jealous of unnecessary spending. And in general, he was negative about any spending. As soon as their relationship took on a kind and measured character, she always bought something expensive: a set of cosmetics, dishes. Sometimes she fell ill and spent a lot of money on tests and treatment. A couple of times I got into an accident and had to pay for the repair of the car. Why did it happen like this? It was unbearable for her to be in peace and a state of love and acceptance. And how best to avoid this, if not to arouse the anger of her husband by spending an impressive amount of money.

So what's the bottom line? After you have found out what exactly you need, draw up a detailed plan (first a general one and then paint it in parts) of actions. Set time boundaries. Try to follow them, but do not blame yourself if the deadlines are shifted. This is fine. And the main thing! Be happy.

Mikhail Ozhirinsky - psychoanalyst, group analyst