What Does Your Relationship "breathe" With?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Remember the wonderful phrase of the hero Will Smith in the film Rules of Removal: "The Hitch Method"; about the fact that life is measured not by the number of breaths, but by the moments when it takes your breath away !?

An excellent life position, which is also suitable for relationship issues. After all, it is not so important how many years you have spent together, as the quality of your relationship, the memories of which are breathtaking, and there is a feeling of "butterflies in the stomach"! It is the inner richness of the relationship that creates the foundation and increases the guarantee that your couple will survive in bad weather. The problem is that when the relationship is already stable, a certain habitual way of life for the couple appears, everyday life is sucked in, quality, interestingness leaves the relationship. People are together geographically, in terms of status, but at the same time, their inner life is separate (there is no community of interests, leisure is monotonous, companies are different, etc.).

I am very glad if this is not about you, but if you recognize your relationship, then you need to immediately start working in this direction. The topic is interesting and exciting, I really want you, after reading the article, to seriously think about your relationship. Let's start with the analysis:)

Answer a few questions honestly for yourself. Based on 100% of your time, consider how much time you spend with your partner. Now think about how much of the amount of time you noted, do you spend efficiently? (I do not mean to be in the same apartment, but in different rooms or in the same room, but each with its own gadget. I mean the time that you are doing something together, attention is directed to each other, you enjoy being near).

Look at the received numbers, what conclusion can you draw?

What do you understand about your relationship? (If you can, share your thoughts in the comments).

What if you are not happy with the results?

What components should you pay attention to?

What do 60% of couples forget about?

What mistakes prevent you from adding quality to your relationship?

At the trainings, I ask the participants to point out their and their partner's interests, hobbies, and hobbies. And at this moment many have difficulties: if they know at least something about themselves, then, as it turns out, the inner life of a partner remains a mystery for 60% of the respondents, and the longer people are together, the more difficult it is for them to do this task. Why is that? Living according to the usual way, few people think about how the partner is changing and what is happening in his inner world, more often attention is directed to solving everyday problems. This is sad. Sooner or later, such a couple will face the first understanding of the problem: there is NOTHING to talk about! About everyday life, children, work, please, but nothing else … and painful silence …

When Oksana realized that she and her husband had problems: they did not know anything about each other, they live like neighbors, talk more about what to buy and which circle to choose for the child, she decided to act - the first thing she did was make an appointment. The first date, on which she asked her husband about him as if they had just met. At first, the husband was confused by such attention to himself, but after a while he joined the game and also began to recognize his wife again. They haven't had such a high-quality conversation for a long time, and for the first time, in a long time, they saw themselves in a new light. This date marked the beginning of a new era in their relationship. But, ignorance of the partner's interests is not all, the quality of the relationship is added by joint interests and hobbies. In a couple, a common space is important, in which both are comfortable and interesting.

And in finding and creating a common space, knowledge of each other's interests and hobbies will help, without this, nowhere. It is desirable that there be community on three levels: emotional, intellectual and physical. And, as you know, I'm not talking about a joint dinner, a common couch, a dog, a summer residence.:)

Now stop and think, what unites your couple on these three levels?

Which level is overwhelmed, and at which level you have nothing in common? What do you now understand about your relationship? If you have difficulties in finding something in common, use the practice: What can be common hobbies, interests? Joint sewing of toys, jogging, travel, hiking, board games, visiting concerts, cinemas, theaters, sports events, playing "Mafia" with friends, yoga, photography, baking cakes and decorating them with marzipans, collecting puzzles …

The creation of joint traditions is the task of more of a woman, as the keeper of the soul of a relationship. What traditions do your couple have? Were there traditions in your parental family and your partner's family? Do you want to continue them in your pair?

Traditions can be varied, there can be many or several, but very significant for both of you. This can be joint baking of pancakes on the first Sunday of the month and gathering at the same table with parents; once every two months a week of any country; traditions in celebrating New Years, Easter, Christmas or inventing their own special holidays.

Nastya and Dima came up with their own tradition - they celebrate the first day of the new season and a must-have attribute of this holiday is a cake, the design of which they design in advance, and then jointly translate it into reality. Remember: the main thing is the desire to diversify the life of your couple, to give new breath to the relationship!