THE LAST HOPE IS TO FEEL DEAD

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Feelings of helplessness and paralysis of initiative are very often the result of early childhood trauma. If the natural needs of a child in early childhood are ignored, and any initiatives are frustrated and amenable to ruthless ridicule, he can very often respond with helplessness, submission and surrender. Very often, the roots of shyness are found in childhood, when the adult environment reacted to any spontaneous manifestations of the child with condemnation, ridicule or cruel punishment.

A well-learned adaptive mechanism continues to operate in adulthood, depriving a person of the completeness of a possible repertoire for responding to certain life circumstances and challenges.

Traumatic situations overload the security systems and, being completely helpless, when any form of resistance turns out to be hopeless, a person is in a state of defeat. The active self-protection system stops working. The reaction of the caught victim or the reaction of the defeated in battle prevails.

Psychological trauma is accompanied not only by the "fight" or "flight" reactions, but also by complete fading, which is accompanied by an absolute inability to participate in what is happening at the moment. When it is impossible to fight or escape a dangerous situation, an extreme measure comes to the rescue - freezing and complete surrender.

Such reactions are very reminiscent of what S. Porges, the creator of the polyvagal theory, called dorsal vagal activation. According to the polyvagal theory, different environmental conditions activate different responses of the vagus nerve, which regulates autonomic arousal. The vagus nerve begins in the brain stem and extends to the peritoneum, connecting to the heart, esophagus, lungs, and other organs. It is responsible for activating the autonomic nervous system and generates various affects in response to a person's perception of certain environmental conditions. In safety conditions, a ventral vagal reaction occurs when a person feels calm and connected with others (smiles in response to a smile, nods his head in agreement with the interlocutor, etc.). This is the feeling of comfort that arises when a person is safe, surrounded by people with whom they are emotionally calm.

Conversely, if there is a sense of danger, then sympathetic arousal is activated. Sympathetic arousal, taking the reins in hand, stimulates the muscles, heart, and lungs to fight back or run away.

If this system also cannot provide protection, the most primitive branch of the parasympathetic nervous system, the unmyelized dorsal branch of the vagus nerve, enters into action. She is responsible for the most ancient and primitive reptilian reactions - the freeze reaction. Activation of this branch helps to survive by pretending to be dead and may be accompanied by a cessation of motor activity, a decline in vital activity, a loss of consciousness, an upset of the intestines (hence, to get rid of fear), a slowdown in breathing; as soon as this system takes over, other people, as well as the person himself, cease to exist.

Dorsal vagal activation is characteristic of all mammals as an internal automatic reaction to the possibility of imminent death in the event of loss of mobility or falling into a trap. The body begins to function in surrender mode, outwardly looks dead, a simulation of death occurs. Such a reaction of the organism is the last desperate attempt to escape in the hope that the predator, at least for a moment, will release the "dead" prey from its clutches, and this will give it the opportunity to jump back, escape and, thus, avoid death.

Often, dorsal vagal response is seen as part of PTSD and PTSD. The intensity of this reaction can directly correlate with the intensity of other affects, which were quickly blocked during the moments of traumatic impact.

In situations of prolonged repetitive bullying and total control of which it is impossible to avoid immobilizing protection becomes permanent and extends to all life circumstances. Traumatized people often become accustomed to subordinate, slavish forms of existence. Their ability to be assertive is almost completely lost. So Igor, who was subjected to cruel daily bullying by his older stepbrother in childhood and adolescence, did not realize that his current state was the result of the use of an immobilizing defense reaction, which had long since turned from a reaction into a way of life and a response to any tasks that set before him a life. Igor reproached himself for his shyness, inability to stand up for himself, to start a relationship with a girl. Igor's usual sense of self is "I am not capable of anything", "I will not succeed", "I am to blame for everything," "I am not like everyone else," "no one will ever love me." Igor obviously idealized me, often amazed me with his groundless gratitude and the eternal posture of a person ready to faint. When Igor began to remember and talk about the experience of his relationship with his half-brother, the absolute indifference of his mother to him, it became obvious that the typical reaction of Igor's brain specializes in managing feelings of horror and loneliness.

When a child feels loved and safe, the brain specializes in learning about the world, active activity, communicating with other people, when the child lives in an atmosphere of dislike, indifference, which is combined with the constant threat of being beaten, killed or raped, the brain specializes in everything occasions - pretending to be dead.

By avoiding situations that closely resemble the trauma of the past, or any initiative that may involve planning for the future and taking risks, traumatized people deprive themselves of new opportunities to successfully cope with traumatic experiences. Thus, freezing, while it is a way to protect oneself from dire emotional states, sets a very high price for the protection it provides. Fading significantly impoverishes the quality of life and, in the end, perpetuates the influence of the traumatic past.

The psychotherapy for such cases is often lengthy and does not give quick results. So it took Igor more than two years of individual therapy and more than a year and a half of group therapy to start feeling protected, relaxed and needed by someone. Understanding and working through traumatic experiences, focusing on positive examples from other people with similar histories can open the way to full development, use your own characteristics in the most favorable way, and live a fulfilling and fulfilling life.