2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
From my observations, the center of the male intrapersonal conflict, and indeed a huge lever to his actions (or inaction), is FEAR OF INSOLVENANCE. Fear of the shame of inappropriateness and social rejection. This is directly related to the suppressed desire to find individual meaning. It is suppressed due to the impossibility of relying on one's own values (and as a consequence - borrowing generally accepted, often illusory). All this perishes under the pressure of society's expectations and on those constructs that it tries to impose instead of personal meaning (pressure from parental patterns to the same place). Example: a real man is one who has a lot of money and material wealth, a prestigious position, success with women and is able to create a strong family. By the way, even having a family can be a good way to meet social expectations. covering up fear and pseudo-satisfying lust for belongings. As far as I know, Hollis called this "empty role models."
However, in our time, another extreme and a way to avoid this crisis are very popular - confrontation with the imposed values through denial of their responsibility, sometimes through a fall into nihilism. Such men demonstrate apathy, confusion, do not understand what they want and where to move, fall into depressive states. In the absence of anything else, they rely on the idea "life is somehow alive - well, thank God", which, however, does not calm, but only suppresses the conditions described above, which in time will inevitably come to the surface.
All this is a consequence of a fragile identity, a misunderstanding of who I am, what is my path and what is my meaning. Our current postmodern era has greatly thickened the colors and knocked out the soil in the face of centuries-old beliefs and traditions from under our feet, revising and destroying all the previous phenomena of reality. Let's say thanks to Nietzsche for killing God. The payback for freedom is personal responsibility and the loss of understandable structures.
As a result, initiation rituals disappeared from life, which helped the boy become a man, introducing him to the kingdom of the spirit, the highest values and allowing him to come into contact with the core of his self, transforming and integrating him into a society in which he clearly understood who he was, what he was living for. and works. Everything else is the responsibility of the father, to initiate the boy into the male world and to show how to interact in society. "Mother is an image of the world, father is a mode of action." In our realities, it often happens that fathers are either emotionally cold and detached from their sons (or they are simply not physically around), or they aggressively devalue and suppress them, having their unresolved conflicts behind them.
After all, only a wise husband who has found himself can teach a boy to be a man. Show how to deal with inner potential, and also that its nature and deep meaning extend much beyond the material.
With all these complex curtsies in mind, imagine now the amount of lostness that modern men face, lacking support, clarity, and suddenly realizing the emptiness of their former values.
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