2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The first thing each of us needs is comfort. ⠀
And we most often get advice and instructions on what to do and how. ⠀
It has always surprised me that I cannot accept all these recommendations for action when I feel bad. I wanted to push the person away, close. ⠀
But the most unbearable at such moments was the feeling of loneliness, that there was no one who would share my experiences with me - he just sympathized. I am sad that then I myself did not really understand what I really needed. ⠀
It's all about our psycho-emotional resource.
From it we live and act. It is our strength to take a step, another and another … ⠀
Any event that we perceive as a trauma hits the resource. A blow and fresh blood flows from the wound - our life. ⠀
The stronger the wound, the greater the loss. ⠀
And when a person is injured, the last thing he needs is instructions on how to do or should do it. ⠀
All you want, and really need at this moment, is for someone to blow on the wound. ⠀
This is true for both the child and the adult. ⠀
The child of empathic parents is comforted when needed and learns to self-comfort. ⠀
But if instead of consolation you received "you had to look where you were going!" or "be patient, life is not sugar" or "don't cry" or … ⠀
"Scoop" was generous with advice on how to live an ordinary person and stingy with feelings. Everything except joy and waving a flag would mean discontent, and this is treason. Treason was severely punished. ⠀
And fear made people devalue their experiences.
Frightened people raised their children, silently worried about their future. They passed on the anxiety by inheritance. And their children are theirs. ⠀
Those times are long gone, but it will take us a long time to wash away the traces of the era of insensibility. ⠀
And now the most important thing: ⠀
The mechanism for experiencing trauma is as follows: ⠀
Wound - we lose strength and motivation for action. Pain. ⠀
Consolation from another - we get nourishment, pain relief. Gratitude. ⠀
Wound healing - self-consolation, restoration of self-confidence, motivation. Taking care of yourself. ⠀
Recovery - setting new goals, strength to move on. Energy. ⠀
Such a simple mechanism, but remove at least one point from it and recovery will drag on for years or never come. The wound will go deep and will slowly bleed there. ⠀
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