2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
To become invisible is very simple - you just need to give up your desires, feelings, needs, thoughts and learn to guess what others want: mom and dad, grandparents, other relatives, and then it will go like clockwork: girlfriends, teachers, men, colleagues … you become a good student, just an irreplaceable worker, a lifesaver and a vest for girlfriends, an “ideal” wife. The most important thing is to repeat to yourself that this is your cherished dream!
When and how is the desire to be “good” born? As a child, for fear of losing the love of his parents. One day a girl realizes that it is not enough just to be to be loved, a number of conditions must also be met: to be neat, to be an assistant, to study well, not to be naughty, to obey (each “good” girl has her own list). Very often there are conflicting requirements on the list: to be active, a leader and at the same time obedient, to have your own opinion and not to contradict parents, etc. And then a "learned helplessness" is formed in the child.
What "good" girls can't do? Get angry and defend your personal boundaries, follow your dreams and plans, feel and desire. They complain, explain, justify the actions of others, cry, admonish - but no clear demands, desires, a clear and clear "no" for others. After all, they are not as important as other people and it is scary to lose the approval of society. First thought: "They will not love and drive away." At this moment, the Inner Child is scared, that little girl whose life depends on the love and acceptance of her parents. Having forgotten how to desire and feel in childhood, it is scary for a "good" adult to allow herself to open feelings, it is scary not to cope with anger, sadness, resentment …
And some make the choice to remain “good”: tense and exhausted. Others decide to add joy, strength, pleasure to their lives and stop justifying other people's expectations, and begin to justify their own.
But, as the saying goes: "no one promised that it would be easy."
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