Family Crises

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

"Never be jealous of happy families: they went through all the difficulties that you did, but they did not break."

First family: crisis occurs after the first year of marriage and is associated with the adaptation of spouses to family life. If at the beginning of family life he or she seemed "the best", then in the process of living together, the shortcomings of a loved one come to the fore.

The following factors can complicate the crisis:

1. The motive of marriage is to avoid feelings of loneliness and uselessness or the desire to separate from the parental family.

2. Large differences in the family traditions of each of the spouses (religion, nationality, education, etc.)

3. The marriage was contracted after a courtship period of less than six months or more than three years.

Couples are constructively experiencing this crisis, who stop criticizing each other and learn to calmly highlight both the advantages and disadvantages of each other. If people love each other with unconditional love, then this crisis is easily overcome.

The second family crisis is a crisis of three to four years of marriage

Usually, during this period, a child already appears in the family and the crisis is associated with the fatigue of the parents, as well as the fact that it is often difficult for them to get used to the new social role of mom and dad. Feelings change from passionate love to tenderness and affection.

Don't get hung up on motherhood. The best thing to do for your child is to build a strong relationship with your spouse. This crisis is experienced less painfully by those families in which the conditions for relative mutual freedom and independence are recognized and both spouses begin to look for ways to renew their relationship. The psychological readiness of the spouses to parenthood greatly softens the course of this crisis.

The third family crisis is the crisis of seven years of marriage. In the family everything is already adjusted: everyday life, relationships, communication, work. The husband and wife are already fed up with each other. It is during this period that they can make connections on the side. But a man cannot quickly and easily destroy what he has: a home, a family, a habitual way of life. At the same time, the wife may receive less affection from him, attention, and at this stage of family life, she is more likely to initiate a divorce.

To preserve the relationship, the wife's main goal is to show her husband that she is, first of all, a woman, and only then the mother of his children. Usually those families survive where the husband and wife do not stop talking to each other.

Fourth family crisis - a crisis when a child turns into a teenager. The first stage of separation of the child from the family. For parents, this is something new - the child brings some other opinions and views into the house. There comes a need to redistribute the areas of responsibility in the family and determine the share of the responsibility of the teenager. This process can be very painful, accompanied by conflicts, lack of understanding on both sides, unwillingness to reckon with each other's feelings, parents' attempts to strengthen control over the teenager.

For the child himself, adolescence is a very difficult period. …

Paradoxically, the family will grow stronger if it weakens its borders a little. This is a wonderful period when you can test the family for the strength of the fact that it does not collapse under the influence of the new, new, which the child brings to the family.

Fifth family crisis - the moment when the family again becomes of two people. Children leave home. This is the most difficult period for the family. The main problem of overcoming this crisis is associated with the separation of the child from the parental family. Most often this happens with those couples who saw the meaning of life and coexistence only in children.

Family tension options:

• Unwillingness of parents to let the child go. Conflict in a family that cannot let go of a child often becomes the source of his problematic behavior

• The child's unwillingness to separate (separate) from the parents.

Many couples break up when the couple is forty years old. Usually this crisis is difficult for both women and men. We have to look for new meanings of life. Men are attracted to young women, women often pay more attention to their careers. Relationships at this stage are sometimes understood as exhausted, mission accomplished.

But.

Children are just one of the stages of family life. They come into our life and leave it into their own. And the spouses stay. But there will definitely be no more crises, and it's time to make your dreams come true.

Three secrets for harmonious relationships in marriage from family psychologist Lyudmila Ovsyanik:

Secret 1

Whatever happens, try to hear and understand your partner. … If you really don't understand what's going on, feel free to ask openly about it.

Secret 2

If there is an opportunity for several days not to touch or strain your partner once again, use it.

Secret 3

If the relationship is at an impasse, consult a family counselor as a couple. Together with a specialist, a solution will be found.

Family life crises are objective. But the ways to overcome them are also objective.